Karlosophies

Think Beautiful

2011-09-07T18:42:00.000+10:00

So... the 'passion project' is well under way!

Learn a little more... and in the meantime, while you excitedly await the release date, join us on good ol' facebook!

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

2011-09-01T19:38:00.000+10:00

Changes are afoot at the Circle K.... ummm Karlosophies.

Actually... it's not so much change as in a new passion project which I'm super excited about!

Stay tuned...

A little self acceptance goes a loooong way...

2011-08-15T11:35:00.000+10:00

Take up the challenge yourself.

While you are at it, join me on facebook.

Say 'Yes!'

2011-07-29T08:36:00.000+10:00

One of my favourite posts of late... good head space! Loving it!

Remember; you can always catch up on where I'm at over here.

Validation...

2011-07-17T12:12:00.002+10:00

That is one TERRIBLE still shot of me... I look almost ghost like. Ewwww! Believe it or not, this was the best of the three option youtube gave.

Felt compelled to share this one...

Remember; you can head on down to youtube town and subscribe! And feel free to share.

Click here to do so...

See you in wonderful technicolour!

Introducing... The Running Blogger!

2011-07-06T08:20:00.000+10:00

I'm now.... The Running Blogger.

Running towards happiness...

one step at a time!

Come join me here.

New Directions...

2011-07-05T09:51:00.000+10:00

Firstly, for those fellow Pembrokians.. New Directions rings a bell... School production perhaps?

Anyways... totally off topic and a little verbal diahorrea.

'What you talkin' bout Willis! What the hell are you doing back?'

I hear you ask.

Well... turns out I really quite need the outlet. Although I'm taking a new direction....

Instead of me sitting here, typing away, editing myself to a certain extent. I'm going to throw caution to the wind and my face to the camera. I'm moving away from the writen text, into the moving picture. I'm... do I really need to explain any further? But... just incase...

I'm moving to youtube, biting the bullet and becoming a vlogger.

GULP!

I'm putting myself out there... no scripts, no editing... just me.

And I'm kind of shitting myself - in a good way (huh? yeah.. I'm just as confused. How can you 'shit yourself' in a good way? Well.. I guess I mean I'm once again pushing my boundaries and totally making myself vulnerable.)

Anyways... if you're interested in coming along on my journey, visit me here.

And here is the first gross, sweaty taste of what's to come.

GAH!

Would love to have you along for the ride.

Bye bye blogger

2011-06-10T15:42:00.000+10:00

I've just come home from an AH-MAZING session with the wonderful Rachel, from Angel Psychic Healing. I feel like a weight has been lifted and I'm ready to charge into the future with self confidence and a sense freedom.

I realised that this blog has become a tool of procrastination. I'm essentially distracting myself from the daunting task ahead... putting my ideas into action.

While I've been here processing my thoughts and funnelling them into my consciousness (which no doubt has some benefit - the thoughts stop buzzing around like a crazy swarm of bees in my mind), I've been unconsciously putting off taking the steps to make my dreams a reality. I'm using up all my creativity here and not putting the energy to use where it needs to be.

It's safer here, in blogland, than out in the big, wild, unpredictable world. If you know me at all by now, you'll know that vulnerability is not my strongest suite.

It's time I really started walking the talk... putting my ego where my mouth is.

I'm taking an extended leave of absence to focus on making shit happen (good shit). Will I be back? I don't think so right now... I'm closing the door but I'm not sealing it shut.

And I'm taking the first step today... I'm posting that letter.

See you on the other side.

Wish me luck!

Light & Love

Karls out.

Oprah and the wonderful world of television....

2011-06-10T10:17:00.000+10:00

As you'd probably be aware, I've been thinking about writing a TV show. I even braved the cold and flew to Hobart to take part in a television writing course.

The coincidences that have led me to believe I need to do this have been kind of astonishing. For example, I actually studied TV at Uni and loved it... but I went down the path of photography because it was easier to get a break in... I then moved onto sound - worked in radio and started my voice over business. Now, I'm being pulled back to television.

The first, was a simple thought - mindful programming. Followed, the next morning, by waking up with a name on my mind; 'Karmic Production'. This name had visited me once or twice before... but at the time I had no intention at all of working in TV, so it was stored in a dark dingy drawer in the very recesses of my mind. It's fitting too... as it's a culmination of my name and Micko's. Wooooooooooo.

The idea developed a little further.. then I coincidently stumbled across the course - which I had considered doing in the past but there was no word as to when it would run again - or where. Timely really, as when I quite by accident stumbled across the website, the course was to be held the very next weekend.

I spoke to a good friend, who I'd always wanted to work with, and she had been thinking along a similar vein. She had another friend also interested... but neither of them wanted to be involved in the writing.

As I arrived the first morning of my course, I walked in to hear one of the other students talking of a friend who had exactly the same idea as I did. I met with this person and swapped contact details.

Then, while catching up with a cousin in Hobart over a beer, she told me a friend of hers had entered a competition Oprah was holding for a show that was based around spirituality.

Oh and there was the Eden Gaha incident - which I never heard any reply to. But it taught me I don't need to be afraid to sometimes go out on a limb... and put myself out there.

Last night, this same friend I refered to earlier, sent me a link of an interview Oprah did with Barbara Walters. She speaks of the idea of 'mindful tv' coming to her... along with the OWN name. Surprisingly eerily similar to what happened to me. ***I must have been living under a rock as I had no idea she had started her own (pardon the pun) network.***

The past few months I've too'd and fro'd... am I on the right path? Is this the direction I should be headed?

I've meditated, consulted the angels, the stars, pyschics and everything in between for a clear answer... but I never trusted in my own instincts. I desperately wanted outside confirmation - which even when I got, time and time again, I pushed aside with inner doubt and fear.

This morning, I woke up with a clear mind... and saw Oprah in my mind, stumbling across a letter I'd written. I immediately grabbed my notebook (I've been writing morning pages - a concept I might blog about shortly) and started writing a letter.

Today... I'm sending my letter out into the Universe - and more directly to Oprah (well, as close to her as I can get). I've been true to myself and followed my instincts... What happens from here is in the hands of the Universe.

My horoscopes this morning read; commit to your idea... although you don't have a crystal clear picture of what that idea is, it's time to put faith in and bite the bullet. Freaky!

Wish me luck!

Good vibrations..

2011-06-09T13:08:00.001+10:00

With all the research I've been doing on creating happiness and shifting old beliefs, a theme keeps bubbling to the surface. So much so, in recent times, I can no longer dismiss it's relevance.

Vibration...

Vibration... and it's relationship with human emotion.

During Uni days I read the Celestine Prophecy - like millions of other people on earth. For the most part I loved it... the ideas of synchronicity really resonated with me and the book had me intrigued. That is... until the last few chapters - James Redfield really lost me after he introduced the vibrational and God element. My atheist self just couldn't grasp it at all... seemed to fanciful to comprehend.

When you start to head down your own path to enlightenment, no doubt the concept of vibration will raise it's head again and again.

I've started on this path many times in my life to date... but I've always ended up hitting my head against the same vibrational brick wall... then I've turned around with my tail between my legs and continued living the struggle that is life.

What I've come to realise is that the idea of vibrational energy is quite a simple concept. It's often over complicated (well, it had seemed that way to me - although it could have been my perspective and headspace at the time - perhaps I wasn't ready) by intimidating new age gurus who seem to speak a different language altogether.

It all boils down to an incredibly simple idea...
When you are happy and inspired your energy vibrates at a higher frequency. And this is something you already know, even if you think you don't... when you are feeling good, you feel lighter.
When you are feeling down, uninspired, flat, angry - any of those negative emotions - you vibrate at a lower frequency... and therefore you feel heavy.

It really is that simple.

Where it gets a little more controversial is the combination of vibration and the idea of the law of attraction.

But, enough new age ranting for today... I'll open that pandoras box another day!

Love & light peeps.
(has new meaning for me now)
love & light

Lost for words...

2011-06-07T10:40:00.001+10:00

It's not often I'm lost for words.

This morning... I am.

One fleeting moment can change everything. Turn everything you thought you knew on its head.

One day, your life can be travelling along perfectly. The next, it's a complete mess...

and it is all completely out of your hands.

It makes you wonder why. It's unfair. It's unbelievable. It's unthinkable.

In a fleeting moment like this, a friends life has been completely turned upside down.

And this time, I have no words.

No words of comfort. No 'look on the brightside'. No 'everything happens for a reason'. Just nothing.

Cliches don't cut it this morning.

All I can give is my love and support.

Sometimes it seems like that's just not enough. Right now, it's all I have and is all I can offer.

From one moment to the next everything can change.

Remember to be thankful for everything you have, and are, in this very moment...

for in the next, it could all be gone.

Groundhog Day Enlightenment

2011-06-04T11:10:00.001+10:00

image

Last night, I spent on the couch, glass of red in hand and the tele for company.

Groundhog Day was on. I've not seen that movie for yeeaaaarrrrrs!

From where I presently sit in life, I see it from a completely different angle than before.

Previously, I've been kind of annoyed by Bill Murray and I found the whole idea boring and uninspired. I mean, of course he'll get it right in the end! Durh! He has had enough opportunities to turn things around. Practise makes perfect, after all.

This time round it took a completely different spin. It wasn't about repetition or learning from mistakes... it was all about attitude.

By changing your attitude, you can totally affect the outcome.

When Bill is pessimistic, nothing goes right. And everything that happens to him confirms his belief that nothing will go right.

But....

When Bill puts on his optimistic hat...

he starts to see things not only from his perspective, but from others...

he recognises the beauty in everything that surrounds him...

he connects and lives in the present...

he accepts and surrenders...

then, things start to shift.

And?

Well, he finds happiness and contentment in everything...

because he stops looking for everything to make him content & happy.

And all thanks to a little shift in attitude.

So glad I stayed in!

Walking the talk.

2011-06-03T13:01:00.001+10:00

I mentioned a week or so back that I'm walking the talk. Sometimes little steps in the right direction can make all the difference.

How am I doing that, you may ask.

I tend never to ask for anything of anyone else. I just accept things for what they are... sometimes whinge about it a little, but generally accept it. Maybe it's because I thought I wasn't worthy of more.

I'm the person that wouldn't think twice if a friend rang for advice, to vent or cry on my shoulder... If someone asked for a lift to or from somewhere... If they could bunk down in the spare room for a few weeks while they sorted their shit out... If they needed help getting ahead and I could be of any service... Guaranteed I will be there doing all that I can. All they need do is ask - the vast majority of the time they needn't even go that far.

For some reason, in reverse, this doesn't quite work out. I always feel like I'm going to be a burden. That they have too much shit going on in their own lives to bother them with what's going on in mine. My problems are minuscule and not worth bothering anyone with. I never ask anyone to pick me up or drop me off - unless they offer. I never ask for a shoulder to cry on. I never ask for more than I've been offered. And I never ask for help.

Vulnerability? Just not in my vocabulary...

Until recently.

I've learned that if I never ask... I'll likely never get.

You may remember I recently even headed next door to ask if they had any Gravox. Pushing the boundaries or what?!

Since that daring day, I've managed to make further progress in this field.

A few weeks back, after a few drops of rescue remedy and some deep breaths, I bit the bullet and asked a friend if she would drive me to the airport. And she said 'Yes! Of course!'. Sure, I was super nervous - the anxiety was rife. However, the outcome was definitely worth the sweaty palms, the increased heart rate and the knot in my throat (note; they were short lived - after I'd asked, I felt such relief!). Not only did I confront a fear, I no longer had to spend 2 hours on a bus and a further 2 hours in the airport just because I was scared to ask for help.

Then... a couple of weekends ago Micko and I had a lovely morning at Bellingen markets. I ordered a delish organic falafel and noticed the guy was quite stingy on the taboleh... so I asked if I could please have some more. He said, 'Yes! Of course!'. No weird look. He wasn't angry with me for asking. He smiled and said 'Say when...' Relief! Micko (and I) was suitably impressed.

Last weekend when I arrived in Hobart I was so disappointed with my scary hotel room - it was cold with no heating and one blanket (hello! I'm not Tasmanian... I need more than one thin blanket when the temp doesn't hit double figures). The room had a really scary vibe and was directly above the cover band - cranking out old tired hits with drunk people singing along at the top of their lungs - to one side was the smokers courtyard and the other a busy road... Oh and did I mention it was shit scary? I couldn't bring myself to turn the light off and every time I almost nodded off I felt something touch my neck. GAH!

The old me, would have stuck it out and gone home after 3 nights of no sleep with bleeding eyeballs. The new me, stuck out the night (it was after midnight when I arrived) got up early to look into other accommodation, found somewhere much better, packed my shit and explained to reception that it just was not suitable. And they could have cared less - I hadn't offended them, or hurt their feelings - and there was no angry confrontation. Ahhhhh! The relief!

Through vulnerability we gain strength.

These may seem like small things... but to me (and my post depression/major anxiety self) these represent a massive shift.

Each small step equals big change.

Bleeding eyeballs be gone.

I'm now walking the talk...

... and kicking Anxiety's arse to the curb!

The man in the leather hat...

2011-05-30T17:24:00.000+10:00

I'm sitting in the food court of Sydney Airport. Today did not quite go as planned. I was to fly out of Hobart just after midday and after a quick stop in Sydney I'd touch down in Coffs just before 4pm.

It's now after 5pm.

I won't arrive in Coffs until around 8pm - all going well.

My flight from Hobart was delayed over an hour. Therefore, I missed my connecting flight to Coffs - which was the last flight of the day (for Virgin). Instead, the booked me onto the last flight to Coffs on Qantas.

I was highly stressed... confused (no-one could tell me how or when I'd get home), irritated and bordering on tears. Nothing was going right. My bags were heavy, I'd left things I needed in my checked baggage, and not checked things I probably should have - I was loaded up like a camel. I dug franticly into my handbag to grab my phone and for the life of me couldn't locate it. So I dropped my bag on the ground to further investigate - the contents of which projectile out and spread all over the floor. Nothing is going my way and I'm moving more and more into a total state of chaos.

I'm flustered, people are looking at me (probably with pity) and I'm really struggling to calm myself down. I'm beyond angry. I am anger.

Finally, we board. The man I sat next to was an older gentleman, wearing a plaid jacket and a stylish hat. He had a warm smile and after being subjected to my mad rant, said 'at least you'll get there in the end'.

I thought about, took a few drops of rescue remedy, breathed and managed to calmed myself down.

Over the next couple of hours, the man and I chatted, the conversation headed to all things 'spirtual'. Turns out this warm, friendly man, with the stylish leather hat, was on a very similar path to me. We shared tales of coincidence and synchronicity, spoke of the law of attraction and the workings of the universe. We talked of connecting (being present), meditation, reiki, books we've read and shared our journey.

He reminded me that there was likely a very valid reason that I'd been delayed. That the reason would present itself. He brought me back... out of my head full of anger, and into my seat, on the plane, that would eventually take me home. After all, I was in no hurry. I was headed home.

That reason became clear, as we stood at the baggage carousel contemplating life...

Don't sweat the small stuff. Let go... the stress and anger does nothing but expend valuable energy and breed more stress and anger. Nothing goes right, because nothing can go right.

He reminded me that I'm on the right path... that I'm learning and evolving. As long as I stick to my truth, the lessons I need to learn will present themselves exactly when I'm ready.

The teacher arrives when the student is ready.

And it seems I am ready.

Inspire me...

2011-05-26T13:41:00.000+10:00

I need your help! I want to know what kind of things inspire or motivate you...

Where do you go? What activities do you do? Whose blogs do you read?

Now, don't be shy. If you are reading this, I really want to hear from you - either here, by email or on facebook.

What inspires you?

New dawn... new day!

2011-05-25T14:23:00.003+10:00

What a difference 24 hours makes, eh.

Yesterday was certainly an emotional rollercoaster! I was devastated, then indifferent, then angry, then a total nervous wreck, followed by resignation, deflation, disappointment, flatness, plenty of tears, hopelessness, hopefulness, freedom... and this morning?

Well, this morning I woke with a new perspective alongside a feeling of peace. I'm feeling much better and have realised it's totally not the end of the world... just the closing of one chapter - there is plenty more left to go in the book.

Besides, if this is my biggest problem right now, I'm one pretty lucky lady.

There is no point stressing about things that are outside my control. It's just a test... perhaps to see if I'm walking the talk. And I am. I'm learning when to fight, and when to surrender.

I started this business from nothing. It's now something... and it's a something that has been working really well. It has steadily grown over the past 5 years and it will continue to do so for as long as I want it to. I'm not afraid of a little hard work... hell, that's how I've gotten this far.

I was contacted by a massive news network today (an International one at that) who want to use my agency for their Australian voice over work. I'm so excited! What an honour! I've worked with some big names here in Australia... but this is a breakthrough into the international market and a real coup for the talent involved.... not to mention it's TV (sign, perhaps?).

Now, it's certainly not going to make up the difference... at this stage.

However, it does tell me that I'm not done just yet.

After all, you can't keep a good woman down.

Touché Universe, Touché

2011-05-24T13:35:00.001+10:00

This morning I had a minor breakdown. My major client (who I've been working with for 5 years) has pulled the pin on using voice overs with their work - instead reverting back to music. Bam! It hit my like a sack full of rock hard shit. The doubt, the insecurity, the worry, the anxiety... all came flooding back. I felt physically ill... sick to the stomach and was on the verge of tears.

To give you an idea of the magnitude - this client is my one staple. They account for more than half of my earnings. This is a big deal!

The Universe is clearly testing my resolve.... and for a good hour or so I stewed and stewed and stewed. What did this mean? Why now? Was it me? Something I've done? Did I make this happen? The whole 'be careful what you wish for' scenario ran through my mind.

I went for a run on the beach to clear my mind and get some clarity. A question kept popping into my mind...

Did I ask for this?

My answer? Well, yeah. I think I did actually.

Over the course of the past 5 years I've not had more than one day off work - for fear of losing this client or them passing the work onto someone else. The deadlines were stringent and work came in on a daily basis - both a blessing and a curse.

Whenever it was most inconvenient, I seemed to get mountains of work. I worked the day of my best friends wedding - due to tech probs that arose because I was out of my studio and in the bush for a few days. I worked every day of my holiday in Thailand - the only proper holiday I've taken in 5 years. Hell, I even did some work in the spare room of my Nanna's house the day of her wake.

This was clearly not their problem (this isn't a beat up the client post), this was my problem. I just couldn't say no... I couldn't lay down the boundaries. And sometimes that would eat me up inside. At times I kind of felt like they were the mean boss I've experienced in the past - they were nothing of the sort... it was myself bullying myself not to let this client down due to absolute fear of losing them.

NOW... It's time to practice what I've been preaching these past couple of months.

Perspective, happiness, gratefulness, surrender.

There is a silver lining to this... I'm now free to concentrate on getting this TV script off the ground. I feel like this client was the one thing kind of holding me back. It was security... and something I couldn't bring myself to just give away - though the thought had crossed my mind on more than one occasion. So, the Universe has taken the decision to let them go out of my hands.

I'm so grateful to have had this client. They have given me the freedom to follow my dreams. They have allowed me to get my business of the ground and have taught me so much about where I am and where I want to be - not to mention who I am and who I want to be.

By closing this door it allows others to open. When it comes down to it, my world doesn't end with just this one client - it not life threatening. I'm still here... alive and kicking.

It's sounds very cliché... but everything happens for a reason. I'm more than sure of it! I might not have a crystal clear representation of why just now... but it will present itself soon enough.

What I've learned? Resistance is futile. I'm in the river floating towards where I'm supposed to be... to fight the current would be useless. I've just got to conserve my energy and go with the flow. I'll end up where I'm meant to be.

So... Universe, you've tested my resolve.

Touché Universe, Touché

I think I've passed the test.

The art of being grateful...

2011-05-23T13:37:00.002+10:00

I've had this off and on sore throat for about a week now... Last night I had a shitty sleep and the rest of the cold, that I'd managed to ward off up until this point, hit with full force. Today, it's cold, wet and miserable. I feel lethargic, snotty and to add insult to injury, I'm also riding the crimson wave (mature, I know)!

I guess I'm kind of having one of 'those days'. Finding it hard to drag my arse off the couch to do anything! I'm wallowing in self pity... beating up on myself for wallowing in self pity... then I'm wallowing in self pity for beating up on myself for wallowing in self pity...

It's the kind of day when nothing is really going majorly wrong, but nothing is really going right either.

I'm not moving forward... I feel stagnant and stale. Uninspired.

Micko rang earlier and he's had a prick of a day (perhaps it's in the stars?). The guy he works for called him 'a bloody idiot' this morning and he almost grabbed his shit and walked out. I've told Micko a million times before that if he's not happy, he should just walk out - and I've totally meant it. Doors always seem to open once you allow one to close behind you. But, when he said he'd almost walked out I felt the anxiety hit. And for absolutely no reason - we've proved to ourselves time and time again that things always work out.

Yep... I'm having one of 'those days'.

I'm not a fan of 'those days'.

Negativity breeds negativity. Once you're in that mindset, it's hard to break out of it... So things keep happening that reinforce your current mindset.

So, right now I'm going to take a moment. And I'm going to attempt to turn it all around.

After all, there is so much I've got to be grateful for!

I'm waiting on the delivery guy to drop off a parcel that I've been waiting for.... a leather jacket - which is GORGEOUS! And it's going to be here just in time for me to pack it in my suitcase for my trip to Hobart! My own little adventure to see what the future holds in store. How exciting!

I've got the opportunity to try new things... to follow my dreams!

Everyday is different... everyday brings a new lesson, a new outlook... everyday I grow and learn...

everyday I love myself, and those around me, even more.

I wake up each morning (that in itself is a blessing). I have a roof over my head. I have food in my belly and clean drinking water. I am healthy (besides a little shitty head cold - which will disappear in a day or two). I'm surrounded by people who love me... who want the best for me... who encourage me to be the best I can be.

I can breathe. I can think. I can love.

I am free.

And I am turning this day around.

I'm not going to concern myself with what will be - it's largely out of my hands.

I'm not going to focus on what I don't have, what's going wrong or what's missing from my day...

Instead, from here on in, I'm going to focus on all that I do have.

And be grateful for every last little thing (including this pretty shitty day, which has instead been a blessing and lead me to sit here and type this post).

How lucky (well, happy) I truly am.

Let's turn that frown upside down.

Happy-nings

2011-05-20T11:17:00.001+10:00

Remember my series of 'coincidences' that I was blogging about? I was on a mission to find out what my purpose was... and I was opening myself up to the universe to show me the way?

Well, a lot has happened in this last month or so.

My brain became this crazy idea making machine... It wouldn't stop. Idea, after idea, after idea. None of them felt quite right... and some where just utterly ridiculous. It felt like the answer I had been looking for was right on the tip of my tongue... frustrating close.

During this time a few coincidences led me to an Angel Reading / Healing session - including reiki (ah-maze-ing - very emotional and such a release), a Creative Thinking Masterclass and to a group meditation night... All incredible experiences that I would have missed/not-had-the-guts-to-go previously.

You may recall I was to discover my 'purpose' on the 26th April - and that although the inkling of an idea was delivered I wasn't completely struck down. Part of it wasn't sitting right. Then, last week I had a 'late night epiphany' only to wake up in the morning wishing I'd written it all down. The original idea changed and grew and finally last Wednesday night while in the middle of two minutes of uppercuts at a boxing sesh, it finally struck me. The idea I've been waiting for came to me mid-punch.

Now, I'm going to one of those fucking irritating people who puts it out there only to leave you hanging. However, I'm not going to be a total bitch. I'll let you in on a little secret...

I'm going to write a TV show.

Once I'd checked in with myself and knew that TV was what I wanted to do, I did a little research to see if there are any 'Intro to TV Writing' courses... and there is one. In Hobart. Next weekend. In the past I've looked into doing this course, but it's never on when I'm keen or it clashes with prior commitments.

Not only that... but I put it out there to a friend who is on the same path of self discovery as I am and we are totally on the same page regarding this new venture. Very exciting - I've always wanted to work with her and I'm so keen to get the ball rolling. Feels 100% right!

So... I've booked my spot... and my flights (thanks to Micko for again being one helluva supportive husband - and not asking why, just saying 'go for it') and next Friday I'll embark on the next phase of my journey - with a suitcase full of winter woolies - soooo not used to the cold (10 degrees celcius is the max on the day I land... call me a whimp but that's fucking freezing in my part of the world). I'm super excited!

A new journey...

and I'm sooooo ready for it!

10 things I love about me!

2011-05-16T17:53:00.001+10:00

10 things I love about me.

I was running along the beach this arvo... heavenly day here. Sun was shining, breeze was cool, water was luke warm. I love winter on the Mid North Coast.... when the idea for this post popped into my head.

10 things I love about me.

I totally encourage you to have a think about it too. It's much, much easier to come up with 10 things you don't like so much about yourself, than it is to find 10 things you love. It's also much easier to find 10 things you love about someone else.. but that's another story altogether.

The rules are simple.... 10 things you love and no beating yourself up or justifying what you've said - no if's or but's. Accept that there is greatness in you... without reservation.

So... drumroll please (and a few drops of rescue remedy).

1. Loyalty. I am a very loyal person. If I care about you, I will stand by and support you.

2. My hands. I have long slender fingers and fabulous nails. Always have - I remember getting comments on them from Grade 3 onwards.

3. Dedication & commitment. If I really want something I will give it my all. Those who never quit, never fail.

4. My own voice. Most people say they hate the sound of their own voice. I love it. Hence why I make a living from it.

5. Exercise. I'm so proud of my commitment to exercise - it's been part of my life for the past 3-4 years and I've kept up with a minimum of 3 sessions a week for the entire time - even on holidays. A major achievement for me. I know how great it makes me feel and regardless of whether I think I want to or not, I get out there and do it. Healthy body, healthy mind, healthy soul.

6. Self belief. However much I've beaten myself up about my looks or my personality in the past, I've never doubted my ability to achieve what I want. If I put my mind to something... look out! I'll make it happen.

7. This whole journey I'm on. Every day I'm becoming a better person. I'm becoming more insightful and more confident in me - the physical, the mental and the spiritual.

8. Understanding. I try to see things from others perspective before passing judgement. Everyday I get better and better at understanding that people do what they do because of where they are and where they've been. That is not a reflection on who I am.

9. My ability to make people around me feel at ease. I'm a great host! I have a house full of love and I love more than anything to share that with people.

10. I wrote a 10 things I love about me post... and I didn't beat up, justify what I'd written or think about what others might think even once. I wrote honestly, openly and from my heart.

Now.... it's your turn!

If you do it... please leave a link in the comments - I'd love to see what you come up with!

Spread the self love!

Voice of Reason

2011-05-16T14:28:00.001+10:00

Warning; this is going to quite likely be a rambling mess (for which I will not apologise -good girl Karls). My thought process is quite lengthy and very complex in these types of situations and I usually end up thinking way too much. Thus confusing the heck out of myself - and now, probably you too.

Also, this was a post I meant to publish last week but Blogger kept on fucking up. It also didn't save a few of the changes I made - now I can't really be fucked going through and changing it, so I'm just going to hope it makes sense and hit publish. Doh!

Back to the story at hand...

Micko truly is the shit. He knows just how hard I am working at bettering myself and he is being beyond supportive. Sometimes the guy knows what to say exactly when I need to hear it.

Take just now for example...

It's a friends birthday and I got text today (well, it was sent last night... but I just discovered it now - totally my style... I'm famous for the delayed response) asking if we wanted to join them for dinner.

I'd have loved to join them... but a week or so ago I commited to going to an Angel Healing Guided Meditation. And when I check in with myself, I really do want to go. I think it will be good for me.

Usually I would have dumped the meditation and gone to the dinner - primarly due to a sense of obligation.

The old me would have gone because I'd be really worried that the birthday girl would be offended if I didn't go. That she would think I didn't like her... that she would worry that she had done something to offend me... that she would ponder why I thought the meditation was more important than her birthday dinner.... and that she would think I was selfish.

This is the thought process that happens when I feel like I'm letting someone down. And it's a much longer process and much more painful to me that that paragraph portrays. I end up feeling super anxious, nervous and a wave of nausea usually sweeps over me. I feel shaky and just horrible all over. And I always end up doing whatever it is, even if it's not really what I want to do.

However, when I'm on the recieving end I don't feel any of these things. I just accept that they have something else to do - there could be a gazillion reasons they aren't coming but none of them really concern me - I go ahead and enjoy my birthday dinner.

How strange that I should assume that peoples concerns or reactions would differ so vastly from my own. Why should what I do be governed by these imaginary concerns/opinions/reactions? And why would I put others peoples concerns/opinions/reactions above my own?

(Hypothetical questions - amongst other reasons I measured my self worth on other peoples opinions of me - what a nasty trap that can be!)

The new me thinks there is a reason I was invited to this event at this time in my development and I really owe myself the opportunity to go. That even though I really love this chickadee, we can catch up over a beer for her birthday another time... and no doubt, it will be sooner, rather than later.

Anyways... I rang Micko to explain that I really felt I needed to attend this meditation circle tonight... then I pretty much blabbered on incoherently about the reasons... to-ing and fro-ing... Did he want to go? If he did, we could go... I mean, I think I want to go, but I don't have to.... to which he said?

"Karls... Stop. Do what you need to do. You'll only be letting down yourself if you don't."

A stark reminder - of which the timing was perfect.
Words from a wise man...
Sometimes he speaks my truth, when I don't have the courage to.
My voice of reason.

I'm slowly learning that I can be my own voice of reason...
Doing what is right for me will make me a better person... and therefore, a better friend.

Work in progress!

Happiness is in the eye of the beerholder - erhh... beholder.

2011-05-11T12:07:00.002+10:00

***Presently, instead of telling you all that I saw a woman taking a squat on the beach yesterday while I was out running (and she wasn't a rough bogan, she was a lovely middle aged lady - which made me feel much better about my beach toilet antics) I feel like I should be sharing with you what is going on in my head... and in my heart. It just seems like the right time. You've probably noticed the blog had taken a bit of a 'self help' spin... something is urging me to be open and honest and blog about shit that really matters - to me.
So... here is another 'wise old Karls' post.***

A theme, or question, keeps popping into my mind lately...

If you aren't happy with where you are, will you ever be happy where you end up?

(Can also be translated as 'if you aren't happy with what you have got, will you ever be happy with what you get?')

Chances are you probably know someone, or perhaps you are that someone, who is always wanting more. Never happy with what they/you have. I know a few people like this. Hell, I think at times I've even joined their ranks. No matter what comes their way, they seem to have zero gratitude and immediately want something more. Perhaps it's not the right colour, it wasn't delivered right, it's too big, too small... you get the idea. They just seem to be very hard to satisfy.

Now, is that because they set their standards high and expect the best because they believe they deserve it?

Or... is it because they don't feel 'good enough' themselves? They don't live up to their own/others expectations of them... and therefore, since they can't satisfy themselves, they can't find satisfaction in the things around them? You know... the world is your mirror and shit like that.

Up until this point in time, I've spent a good portion of my life 'chasing the rainbow'. Problem is... once you get to the end of the rainbow, there is no pot of gold. In fact, you actually can't ever get to the end of rainbow - the bloody thing keeps moving!

What if you didn't need to chase happiness around?
What if instead you found that pot of gold... and discovered that all along it was inside of yourself?
You are the gold.

That is where I am at right now. I am the gold!

Everything I ever wanted, I allow myself to have - from me. I provide it.
In turn, I love myself enough to allow it from others. I allow the good shit to come my way.
Self sabotage is a bitch I'm all too familiar with - and she can go fuck herself.

I am soooo grateful. Now, I truly appreciate all the good things in my life... right here, right now.

If you think about all the good things in your life (and no matter who you are, or where you are in your life, there are plenty to be found) how can you possibly be unhappy with what you have?

Honestly... how nice would it feel to have all that you want, or need?

You know what?

You already do.

Forgiveness

2011-05-10T14:44:00.001+10:00

Most of us are our own worst critics. I am absolutely no different.

Sunday morning I woke up, very hungover, and very, very down on myself. Let's just say I got super shitfaced. I mean, I don't think I did anything to offend anyone and I probably wasn't as big a dickhead as I made myself out to be... in my own mind... but I woke up and felt like all the hard work I'd put into me had been undone by one too many tequila shot (ewwww).

As if the lethargy, the headache and the spewing wasn't punishment enough, my mind became my worst enemy. And man, was she one nasty bitch! (Thankfully, I've got a fabulous husband who could tell where I was at emotionally and kept reminding me to stop beating up on myself.) Regardless though, I wallowed in self pity much of Sunday... and I ate... and I ate... and I ate. I hated that I was wasting a beautiful Sunday on the couch, shovelling KFC into my mouth while filling my mind with junk food of the TV viewing variety. Nasty shit.

Anyways... a few days on and I've managed to forgive myself and my inner drunken mutant. But it has raised some rather pertinent questions surrounding forgiveness... kind of leading on from that whole 'past is passed' scenario.

I've had some, let's just say, 'pretty average' relationships in the past. A couple in particular that really affected me. You know, although I recently questioned whether I had actually forgiven them and moved on, I now realise that I have. (It's a little harder to let go of their beliefs - but that's a work in progress).

Now I've realised the one person I never did forgive was...

ME!

In fact, I really despised me - the young girl who had so much going for her... yet just let people walk all over her. I couldn't understand why she chose to hang around. I couldn't fathom how she could put up with this shit. I couldn't believe she thought she was worth what was being dished out. I just flat out couldn't stand her.

What I neglect to remember when I'm dishing out the hate to this fragile young adult, is that eventually she did take charge. She realised she was worth more than that shit and she left. She left... and she grew. She swore to herself that she'd never let someone disrespect her again...

and for the most part, she didn't.

That is... except for herself.

Why is it not okay for someone else to make you feel worthless... but it totally okay for you to do so?

So, today, I forgive myself. And today, I choose to start actually loving myself - for real. Negative self talk... be gone - like those boys from your past.

Today... I choose to be free of all the self doubt, the insecurities, the self hate.

I choose freedom, love and joy... and to allow all the wonderful things I deserve into my life...

I choose to love young Karls... I choose to love present Karls... and I choose to be thankful for all the experiences, good and bad, that have lead me here - to this place...

This place where I can be me. Be totally happy with that. And be grateful for it all.

(Usually... this would sit in my drafts for fear that a few of you might think I've lost my marbles - I've gone all hippy and fluffy on y'all. But, the new me doesn't really care... How you choose to see it will depend on where you are at, and where you have been... and if is well removed from where I'm at, so be it. It's not a reflection on me anymore. I'm happy, content and putting it all out there! Not even one sarcastic self attack to end. Oh I've come a long way!)

Late night epiphanies

2011-05-10T06:46:00.010+10:00

Man blogger! You really know how to test someone's patience! Last couple of days have been experiencing what blogger are referring to as 'the spinning' issue. Editor doesn't load fully... just keeps showing it's 'thinking'. I've switched back to the old editor to try avoid the issue... so far, so good - although the layout and text might be a bit fucked.

At first I thought it must have been the universe's way of telling me that yesterdays entry didn't need to be said. Perhaps I should heed its advice. I have better things that need to be said anyway - yesterdays entry would have been a bit of a downer.

So, it's like 7am here and I'm up typing away. In fact, I think I've been awake most of the night. I didn't have any sugar close to bedtime. I hadn't had a coffee since 7.30am yesterday. Hell, I had even meditated a couple of hours prior to beddybyes. The brain just. would. not. switch. off. Most of the time it was just a whirl of nothing. Occasionally a friend would pop in and I had a couple of negative thoughts rear their ugly heads. But then... I had an idea! (imagine a lightbulb for effect)

You may remember I was waiting to be pummelled to the ground by divine inspiration on the 26th April. Now, that didn't quite eventuate... although I did have an inkling of an idea.

Last night, the original idea I had seemed to manifest itself into a monster of an idea. In the light of the morning, I'm not 100% sure of what all the excitement was about... but I'm going to investigate further. I really wish I'd pulled my lazy arse out of bed, grabbed a pen and paper and just started punching idea's out. I was trying to be unselfish - it is the big Micko's birthday today (happy birthday Tiger!) and I didn't want to be waking him up throughout the night. As it turns out he didn't sleep to well either.

Here is the weird thing. In the little sleep I did get last night, Micko woke up to a blue light coming in from the lounge room. He got up to investigate and discovered the TV was on and Austar was resetting itself... the alarm clock hadn't reset, so it wasn't a black out... and I specifically remember turning them off last night (I'd been watching Paris Hiltons BFF (Dubai) and remember switching it off in disgust (okay, disgust is a little harsh... it should probably be replaced by boredom).

My idea? Let's just say it had A LOT to do with TV. A sign that I'm on the right track perhaps?

Only time with tell.

Life's Lessons

2011-05-06T15:13:00.007+10:00

Well, well, well... it's been a while between updates, hasn't it!

Man! I tell you... I feel like I'm at the airport, with my (slowly disintergrating) baggage, making my way very quickly accross the movable walkway of self discovery. Time is standing still and I am rapidly moving closer and closer to the plane I want to be on.

Is there fear that I'll leave some people behind?

Absolutely.

But there is also much excitment about the people I'll meet in the boarding lounge.

Fear and anticipation, excitement and nervousness... they have similar attributes, right? I can't speak for anyone else, yet I feel although on opposite sides of the feeling spectrum, they raise similar feelings...
butterflies, antsy-ness, a sudden need to take a dump. I'm sure you relate.

On this rapid take off to a better me I've discovered a few little lessons I thought I'd share..

* The past has passed for a reason. Acknowledge it, learn from it and then let it go. No good can come from hanging onto it for dear life. It, or they, may have served you then, but if it, or they, no longer do? It's time to let go. By hanging on, you are taking up the space required for better things to come your way. Your past may have defined who you are, but it is you who defines who you become.

Although I thought I'd left the passed in the past, I've realised I've been hanging onto it like that fucking hideous pair of size 10 jeans hanging up in my wardrobe hoping I'll one day fit into them. Bye bye now! They'll still be fucking ugly... even if I am a size 10.

* Only when you are ready do things eventuate... and not a minute before

* Meditation really is a great thing! There is a reason the most together and happy of people keep suggesting it... there is also probably a reason you've avoided it. Think about it. I know that, for me, I didn't like myself enough to be alone with myself. The thought frightened the shit outta me (ahhh... now I understand that saying!)

* Find people who inspire you... not always people who you inspire. (I was actually just about to apologise for this one, but I'm not going to as sometimes those who inspire you are, in turn, those you inspire.)

* Take yourself out on a date. Do something that is not for anybody else but you... and do it once a week. It's amazing how difficult, but totally rewarding it can be).

* It's totally okay to be who you are... a friend had this as a facebook status; 'You are valuable just because you exist. Not because of what you do or have done, but simply because you ARE.' How nice would it feel to actually believe this? Well, try it on for size. I'm totally going with it.

* Often people give praise and encouragement to those they think need it. Although, sometimes the ones you think don't need it, are the ones that could benefit from it the most. Find someone you truly admire, but perhaps have been embarrassed to tell them so... bite the bullet. Go on! I dare you!

* When shit is going down in your life, stop, take the time to connect to your surroundings... Listen, feel, smell, breathe... What sounds can you hear? What can you see around you? Notice the smells... Feel you bum on the seat... the cold on your hands... your feet on the floor... Take a breath and be thankful you are alive and breathing. The rest can be changed. Each breath we take is truly a blessing.

I could keep going on and on and on and on... but I won't. I've taken a moment to be present.. and I've realised I can hardly feel my feet and hands from the cold... and toilet pit stop would be a blessing!

Have a great weekend!

The Search...

2011-04-15T09:34:00.003+10:00

I'm a MASSIVE planner. I always had a 5 year guide laid out (mainly centered around my career) and besides a little detour (when I went back to work in photographic retail... cause it's so easy to work 50 hours a week and concentrate on building your own business at the same time... NOT) I've pretty much alway hit the mark.

Was it because I put it out there so the universe could steer me in the right direction? Was it because I'm like a dog with a fucking bone when I want something? Was it the old 98% perspiration, 2% inspiration rule? Was it visualisation? I think it was a combination of all of these... and probably more.

I love what I do... For those not in the know, or are new to these parts, I'm a Voice Over artist. I run a fabulous business, Killer Kopy, which started out as a little writing business, but turned into a voice over monster. I have about 15 talent now on the books and the best editor in the world as my trusty sidekick. And business? Well, it's fucking great!

So... why the search? I hear you ask.

If it ain't broken, right?

I guess I like testing myself... getting too comfortable makes me feel lazy and bored. I get complacent and end up in a bit of rut. I end up resenting the job, the person, myself. I don't feel like I'm living life to the full... that I'm letting it pass by... and that I'm no longer growing. I like personal growth.

I like to be moving... but I'm slowly learning to appreciate being still (hence, allowing the universe to show me the way, not hunting down my future like a tiger does it's prey).

I'm always looking to be challenged... it makes life very interesting (and it's a big reason I managed to overcome the depression and crippling anxiety I suffered over the past 18 months or so). And now that I'm through probably the toughest tunnel I've made way through to date, I'm out the other side... standing in the sun and ready to become the very best I can be... personally, mentally and spiritually.

I also feel like there is more I'm supposed to be doing... not too sure what exactly that is, but I'm certainly keen to find out. I'm looking for new ways to grow and learn...

For me, putting this challenge out to the universe... asking it to show me where I am supposed to be, and what I am supposed to be doing (and then acting on it) is a really daunting task. I'm a control freak of the highest order! So, letting go is a real challenge.

Although, something about this all feels right... my instincts are telling me I'm headed in the right direction.

At the end of the day, we can follow our head or our heart...

but when both are urging you on?

It has to be destiny.

P.S; I know this is quite a heavy read for a Friday morning. I haven't lost my funny... it's sitting in about 3 other drafts I've started on this inspirational morn. I'll have another coincidence for you come Monday... the outcome is going to reveal itself to me today. In the meantime, I must go shave my arm pits before you all start to think I've turned into a crazy reclusive hippy.

All quiet on the coincidence front...

2011-04-14T14:33:00.001+10:00

The last couple of days have been all quiet on the coincidence front... So, I thought I'd share with you something totally out of character that I did the other day.

I had, what I thought, was a point blank straight forward coincidence. Gorgeous, sunny Mid North Coast day (love Autumn in this part of the world... sublime) and I'm walking Billy down the V-Wall (see pic below for it's indescribable charm)...

(Told you it was charming - was looking for a shot where you can see that all the rocks have been painted by people but seems I don't have one handy... boo to me!)

...all of a sudden, perhaps spawned on by a name painted on a rock, the name 'Eden' pops into my head - immediately followed by 'Eden Gaha'.

Now, for those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about... Cast your memory back (if you are of a similar vintage) to around 1992-1994 and a little show on the ABC called 'Vidiot' - a childrens trivia show (yeah... I was a slow developer... especially considering I was 15-17 years old). Eden was the host... and a bit of spunk to boot.

The name, and the memory floats on and I continue along my walk and further on, with life as usual.

Until, that is, a day or so later. I'm sitting in front of the box, eating my lunch, channel surfing when I stumble across the celebrity version of The Apprentice. So I ate, and watched, and before too long the credits start to roll. I'm about to grab the remote, turn off the TV and get back to work when whose name should pop up on the screen? Executive Producer - Eden Gaha.

I just found this little snipet of an interview from a couple of years ago... enjoy!

Seeing this as a coincidence, I quickly ran downstairs and googled 'Eden Gaha', his IMDB page came up, which had a link to his facebook page. Having just written the I'm a dickhead post.. I thought I'd take a bit of my own advice and follow this up.

So, what did I do?

I facebook messaged him of course! I gave him the run down... the whole 'you don't know me, but...' scenario. Totally out of character! I mean I'm a person who pushed my boundaries the other day by (instead of running to the supermarket to buy some Gravox) knocking on the next door neighbours to politely ask them if they could spare a tablespoon. So, this was no small feat.

The bad news is... I've not heard back from Eden and he is likely to put out a restraining order on me (as I also sent him a second message with a link to my blog to prove I'm not a stalker and I'm just a regular human -as most stalkers do). Hey, the Universe gave me his name (twice) so I had to follow up.

The good news is... I don't feel like a dickhead (and perhaps the lesson to be learned).

Breakthrough!

So, Eden, if you are reading this... thanks for stopping by. And thanks for inadvertantly helping me overcome the dickhead syndrome. If you can think of any other lessons, opportunities or reasons that the Universe might have sent me your way and vice versa, please do let me know.

No coincidence... just a talented bro.

2011-04-12T10:05:00.002+10:00

This is no coincidence...

Although perhaps it will be for one of you out there reading this?

You never know your luck in a big universe... or a big city... say, for instance, Melbourne.

Speaking of all things Melbourne... My bro, Grant, is quite the talented artist... He certainly is one of those admirable and charismatic folks following their personal legend.

Tonight, he has a new show, 'THIS IS WOVEN PIPER: PAINTINGS FOR THE FUNNEL', opening at Anna Pappas Gallery in Prahan. Exhibition open through to May 7.

If in the area, do drop in and check out his AMAZING work.

Now I'm feeling the creative urge... might have to crank out the acrylics myself.

Howard the Duck's guide to enlightenment...

2011-04-11T14:55:00.009+10:00

Last weekend Micko and I drove up to Coffs to do some shopping. We stopped for lunch at a club and on a plasma next to our table 'Harry and the Hendersons' DVD was playing. Neither Micko or I had seen the movie in over 20 years... We got to talking about other movies we remembered from our childhood. First to spring to mind was 'Howard the Duck'.

You could be easily forgiven for thinking this is Macauley Culkin in a duck costume - the acting ability is of similar standing.

Yesterday, after a full day of swimming, gardening, walking the dog and cleaning, we plonked our arses on the couch to see what was on the box. What do you know? Howard the Duck is on... and it's the opening credits. Coincidence?

I'd told Micko that Howard was a rude, deviant and terribly horny duck... and that it was probably not really appropriate viewing for a 10 year old - not my folks fault (we watched it in the annex of a friends caravan at Bonnie Doon - I know, I know... How's the fucking serenity). Watching it all these years later, he actually wasn't that much of a deviant, he wasn't rude, or particularly horny... it was, however, a TERRIBLY awful film! If you haven't seen it, I probably wouldn't bother wasting 90 minutes of your life.

The real question here is did Howard have a message for me... besides a reminder to never watch this film again?

((I'm about to give you a blow by blow description of the storyline. Be thankful I'm saving you an hour and half of your life - go use it to follow your dreams. Although the following lacks the incredible (exaggeration) special effects and bad acting, the storyline is much more succinct (and that might say a lot!).))

Well... the basis of the film is an evolved duck arrives here by chance after an explosion at a science lab transports him from his planet to a dark alley in Cleveland. He meets 'Beverley', a singer in a band who believes they are headed for big things... but are stuck playing dingy pubs for no money due to a dodgy manager they can't escape.

After saving Beverley from muggers and her dodgy manager, she takes Howard home and they get to know each other a little better. Howard mentions that he has recently given up his 'pipe dream' and taken a 'real job' as an advertising copywriter.... It's not at all fulfilling, but he's been told by everyone around him 'it's time to grow up, Howard'.

Howard then says... 'Sometimes I still get the feeling there's some kind of special destiny waiting for me'... To which Beverley replies, 'Howard! That's it! Maybe that's why you're here? I believe there are no accidents in the universe. Maybe you are here for a greater purpose. Some kind of cosmic cause.'

(My ears prick up! Maybe this is the answer.. maybe it will point me in the direction of my 'personal legend', my purpose.)

That cause? Well, durh! To save Planet Earth from the Dark Lords of the Universe.

Man! I hope all of life here on earth isn't completely reliant on me defeating an evil Jeffrey Jones (with a bad make up job and a worse perspiration problem) on a ride on laser.

Or perhaps, it's some kind of metaphor (thank you Media Arts University Degree - I knew Film Theory would come in handy one of these days). Perhaps these Dark Lords are actually part of every one of us... maybe they represent self doubt... or speed bumps on our road to self discovery... checking if our resolution, self belief and will is strong enough to pass the tests the universe throws our way.

At one point in the film, everything seems waged against his success... not only is the Dark Lord after him, so too are the Cops and, to make things even more unsurmountable, it's duck hunting season. It seems good old Howard can't catch a break... if all this wasn't bad enough, he is in a small aircraft with one of the 'good scientists' (Tim Robbins) - but due to his 'evolution' he can no longer fly.

Tim yells to Howard, 'Fly, Howard! Follow your instincts... Trust your birdness! Fly!'

He saves the planet by not only flying, but by sacrificing being able to return to his own... He starts a new life, with Beverley, and ends up (although being on a completely different planet) being exactly where he wants to be... doing exactly what he wanted to do.

So... the moral of the story?

Well... I'm sure that will present itself fully in the future... but right here, right now?

*If you don't have your own wings... perhaps you can make some (a metaphor; don't focus on what you lack... but what you possess).

*Don't let others decide when you should 'grow up and get a real job'.

*Crimping your hair, was always, and will always be a drastic waste of time.

*Pipe dreams are there to be followed - as too are instincts.

*Detours don't necessarily deviate you from your path forever... you are always where you need to be.

*Perhaps my 10 year old self had some good idea's about what she wanted to be... but she had shithouse taste in movies!

Till next time...

Always trust in your birdness!

I'm a realllll dickhead.

2011-04-07T14:29:00.003+10:00

I'm still in a relative state of shock... and after much internal debate about life, death and everything inbetween, I've come to the conclusion that if and when my time is up, I'd like to have lived my life as Jonno did. Without regrets... and with a huge set of balls (I mean that figuratively as I'd never actually seen his balls - he'd get a laugh outta that... we once joked about trading his fabulous website design skills for 'sexual favours').

Today... I searched through the garage and found some of my old school journals - I'm yet to go through them properly... although I did come accross something that was quite clearly titled 'When I Grow Up'. Could you be more obvious universe?

In a brief summary it said 'I want to be a dancer, but I lack confidence and believe that people with think I'm a dickhead, so I'll just think about it for now' (note; I have paraphrased - I didn't use such words as 'dickhead' back then - well, I did but outside of my parents ear shot).

On that note, and on the theme of 'looking like a dickhead', a similar theme popped up yesterday. I had quite a vivid dream that one my brother's exe's was calling me on my mobile (an absolutely gorgeous girl... the type you envy - stunning on the outside and just as gorgeous on the inside). It was so real that I actually got up to check if I'd had a missed call on my phone. As I'm following up on my 'coinkydinks' I decided to let her know - quite random as we've not had a lot of contact in the many years since she and my bro broke up.

She told me that she had been in the area and had even stopped in town for the night, but couldn't find accommodation. She thought about facebooking me, but decided against it because she'd thought it would have seemed 'weird stalker' like. Of course, I'd never have thought that... I would have LOVED her to stop by. We could have set up the spare room and drank cocktails on the deck till dawn (well, maybe around 11.30 cause that's kind of my limit these days).

So, what was the message?

Don't be hindered by what other people may think, perhaps?

I do this kind of thing ALL. THE. TIME! What opportunities am I missing and what great people are passing me by because I'm scared of putting myself out there?

I've lived most of my life not doing things because I've been worried about not being good at it... because I'd look like a try hard... because I didn't want to be a burden on people...

Basically, I've lived life trying to avoid other people coming to the conclusion that I'm a real dickhead.

Whose belief is that? Theirs? Or mine? (hypothetical - don't answer that one)

Now, don't get me wrong... I'm a character all of my own. Some say I'm a little 'out there', and I'd agree to a certain extent - hell, not everyone admits to taking a bog on the beach.

But with every passing year, I've gotten more and more precious... and more and more concern with others thoughts - and not my own.

So I'm doing something about it...

Stay tuned for tomorrow...

When I make a right dickhead of myself!

A stark reminder...

2011-04-06T18:25:00.001+10:00

Life sure is fleeting... There is no better reminder than a super talented young dude, with his entire fabulous life ahead of him... gone... suddenly!

An old employee of mine, Jonno, was one of those special people who were following their personal legend. He was living life without limits... so much so it was contagious. Travelling the world, indulging in his outstanding talents, absolutely loving life and living it to within it's last breath.

Unfortunately, for this world, he took his last breath today.

A very stark reminder that we are here for an indiscriminate amount of time... any breath could very well be our last.

I'm so glad to have shared the same path as he - albeit briefly. He was someone you aspire to be like...

I wish I'd taken the opportunity to tell him how inspirational he truly was.

But... life is fleeting.

I won't make the same mistake again.

Rest In Peace - Jonno Howell.

Loved your work... quite literally!

Childhood dreams

2011-04-06T10:24:00.005+10:00

Another coinkydink that has come to my awareness over this past week or so...

Everything I come across - books, websites, film, TV, people I'm running into - are all indicating that as a child we know what we are here for.

I've always believed this... My folks were really good at encouraging us to be what we wanted to be. That if we wanted something badly enough, and were willing to take risks and work hard to get it, it could - without a shadow of a doubt - be ours.

My brothers are both exactly where they are meant to be. They are following their childhood dreams. My youngest bro was always obsessed with reptiles... My folks encouraged his interest and, as a result, we had a number of lizards living with us. The other bro was handed a gift... He is an AMAZING artist and he has always feed his gift. This month he is on the front cover of the Art Guide, has a show coming up in Melbourne and is self publishing a book. Inspirational! Both of them!

Me? Well, I can't really remember what I was going to be. So, I spoke to my folks about it. They, like me, remember that I wanted to be lots of things. I wanted to be a famous dancer, have a dance school, be a famous singer. I wanted to change the world - I'd stand in the front yard, lay my toys out on a table and sell them to raise money for the Children's Hospital... or pick Nanna's lemons and sell them door to door. I wanted to be a children's author. I wanted to be a star on Young Talent Time. I wanted to be a teacher. I wanted to be a photographer. I wanted to work on radio. I wanted to make music.

I guess, I wanted to entertain. I'd always said that my bro, D, was the intellect... G was the artist... and I? Well, I was the communicator.

I know, in some boxes in the garage, I have a bunch of old journals from my childhood. So, I'm going to go through have a read and get back in touch with my inner child.

But that will have to wait until I transform myself back into a child - I'm getting a fringe cut! After much debate, and many years, I finally decided to bite the bullet - for fucks sake, girl, it's just hair!
No doubt I'll look much like my 5 year old self!

I know! I know! I haven't aged a day... (bwahahaha)

Even back then I was a creative little spark.

Will let you know what reveals itself!

P.S... If you are here... head on over here (Karlosophies facebook page).

Personal Legend

2011-04-05T09:54:00.003+10:00

I'm still buzzing with anticipation... lots of idea's are running through my brain. I know, with a sense of internal certainly, that big things are on the horizon. There is change in camp Karls and it's just around the corner.

I'm a big believer in coincidence - or synchronicity - although life has been so crazy the past couple of years I've not really been looking, or listening for these clues.

Recently, something shifted and I'm back in the game. The astrologist, the psychic, the chance meeting of someone who steered me in the direction of Kate Forster (the author of the fabulous Spiritual Business), the same Kate Forster coming to speak at Coffs BWN, picking up a couple of books that 'spoke' to me and all of them centring around intuition, coincidence and destiny, being told by numerous sources that 'if you head in the direction of your destiny, the whole universe conspires to give you a leg up'... All clues that I'm heading in the right direction - although still not quite sure of the destination. Only time will tell. If it's in my destiny, I'm now in the right place to find it.

Ye ol' blog has been a little neglected of late... and for a number of reasons - I've lacked the inspiration to put words to screen... I've not really felt I've had anything 'blogworthy' happen and even if I have, I've lacked the motivation to sit here and share... Perhaps I've even thought life has become a little boring and mundane (certainly not anything anyone would be interested in reading - I mean, seriously, who wants to read about Saturday nights in and reading in bed at 8.30pm).

What I have realised this morning, is that I'm not here to blog for anyone else's sake... I'm not here to blog for comments, or followers (a word I'm not a big fan of, I must say). I'm here to be me... and to share my experience in the hope that part of it might speak to someone on the same path as I.

So, this blog is undergoing a costume change. I've decided it's going to be a journal of travels, incidents and coincidences throughout the pursuit of my personal legend....

and you'll be the first to know when I work out exactly what that is!

Stay tuned enlightened souls!

The stars align...

2011-03-29T14:59:00.003+11:00

Do you ever have that sense of an impending... something?

A slight anxiousness, nervousness, sense of anticipation... like something big is lying just around the corner?

Well, welcome to my world!

I've felt this kind of unexplainable pull over the past few months... like a building, bubbling excitement just beneath the surface. You know that feeling you get when you are organising a big holiday, a move or a new job? Kind of like that... without any of those things on my agenda.

It's just a gravitational pull... towards, well, I don't really know!

I guess that's why I went to see the psychic... and this morning I went to see my astrologist.

The frustrating thing is that they both tell me there is some really good stuff about to happen... especially creatively (which is where I'm feeling this pull) but can't give me anymore details than that. They've even narrowed down the date to where I will be struck down by this inspiration - the 24th April. Other than that, I'm on my own... damn it!

Patience is a virtue... unfortunately not a virtue I possess much in the way of!

Change is in the air... and it's so thick I can physically feel it. I'm currently in the 10th house of anticipation... with nervous excitement in the North node and a little frustration passing through Myanus.

Just got to keep reminding myself... It's in the stars!

No one can get in the way of your destiny... except, of course, yourself.

Date with a pyschic

2011-03-01T14:05:00.001+11:00

Right now... in this very moment... I'm content. I feel together emotionally, spiritually and phsyically. The dark days are over and just a memory. Today I feel that my journey over the past year has made me stronger - strange concept that vulnerabilty should lead to strength (but it inevitably does).

I've got a lot of good shit coming to me at the moment - perhaps because I'm back to believing I'm worthy of it. In a week I'll be sunning myself in Thailand with Micko, my little bro and his wonderful wife. Before which, I'll be at the wedding of one of my favourite peeps... spending time with my best friend in the world (who is roughly 6 months pregnant), her little sis with her brand new little bubba Jack and some other equally rad people that you always (even in the depths of depression when you are convinced no-one could even contemplate liking you) feel comfortable with ('home' friends).

I've been treating myself with massages and facials, had a bowen session and I spent a delicious 3 hours in a day spa - complete with full body exfolliate and mud scrub with one of my newest (and very rad) girlfriends. Heaven!

Another treat was Friday's trip to see a pyschic... A strange experience... Which I will quickly share with you.

As I approached the door, I could see someone sitting with their back to me on a recliner, then a voice spoke out...

"Karly, welcome... Come in."

Bit bizarre... like something out of a movie really. What was to follow was very strange - and a little bit funny.

She was a little disorganised, looked not at all what I thought she'd look like, spoke of herself quite a bit, answered her mobile and chatted halfway through the reading... but she had lots of good things to say - so I wasn't about to say 'hey lady, you're on the clock'.

Apparently, I will live on the coast around here... on a big beautiful property. An older style house, which we will build a new extention on the back of (oblong in shape). It will have a waterhole or running water on it and the house will feature stained glass windows. We will settle there.

There is a change in the air, work wise (which I have also been told by my astrologist and another psychic - supposed to happen around April)... I will take 2 trips to the States - the first time I won't find who I am looking for, the second will be a much more successful trip and business will start booming. I'm also going to be big in London. This will all start happening in the next 3-6 month and will continue for the next 3 years.

I'll have a boy... very artistic. Followed within 2 years by a girl - straight laced, good swimmer and will meet and marry someone from money. No real hurry on the kids front - I won't go through menopause until I'm around 57. Haha!

We will make friends with people who work hard for a couple of months, then take off on holidays together - as a business expense. I'll also do lots of travel back and forth for work.

Basically... I'm going to have a very blessed life, be happy in my marriage, in my work (which she said I will work very, very hard at) and in general. Sounds good right?

I know, listening to what a psychic said is almost as interesting as hearing about how someones dream panned out last night. That is, until the things they've said start coming true - then you're like;

'Damn girl, give me her number!'

But, will it come true? That is the million dollar question. It would be nice...
I will say that she was spot on about some other things that have happened - she described this fuckwit (along with his bitch of a sidekick) down to a tee. So, it's certainly not out of the question.

One last note;

All you clairvoyants, psychics and mediums out there...

Take the plunge and join the 21st century.

Cassette is no longer King!

Purge to splurge

2011-01-21T11:10:00.003+11:00

I believe the world is your mirror... and if that is truly the case, your home is a manifestation of where you are at. If there is chaos in the home, that chaos reflects in everything you do - your mind, your work, your relationships.

I've been messy (and down right dirty) in my past... and it was totally a reflection of my head space. The worst periods have been when I've had little respect for myself, let alone my surroundings. The other side of the coin is having your place like a display home (that says something entirely different about you - the need for perfection can be almost as destructive). Like everything in life, it's all about balance.

These days, I'm clean, a little messy at times... but I think I'm getting the balance almost right.

So, where was I going with all this? Oh yeah... that's right, my wardrobe and drawers.

Sometimes a purge is totally necessary. I've always been a bit of a hoarder... not like 'Hi, I'm Karly and I'm a hoarder', but I do find it hard to let things go.

I have clothes that I was wearing in 1996 because they have memories attached, or I remember feeling great in them. I have letters from girlfriends from Year 7, tickets from concerts, old costume jewellery my Aunty gave me, dolls with one eye and missing hands...

I guess without really realising it, I've been a bit of a hoarder emotionally too. While I've forgiven, I seem to have hung onto their beliefs. I'm only just figuring out which serve me... and which certainly do not.

So, I'm going to hang onto that doll (called Matthew - yes, it's a girl) because it was a big part of my childhood, the letters will also stay... and the clothes? Well, that's how I've spent my morning.

It's time to let go of the past and move on (metaphorically and physically). I've kept a few pieces - like the Mooks top which was my first present ever from Micko and the pants I wore on our first ever date. The rest is off to goodwill - or in the garbage (where it definitely belongs - like those period undies I've had for 10 years, or the bra with the broken strap).

It's amazing how good you feel after a big purge... it's like a weight of the shoulders (or your wardrobe hanger). Things feel more organised, less cluttered. Bedroom, mind and soul.

I'm making room in my closet, and my life, for bigger and better things. And they are coming... because, finally, I am ready!

Karls and the giant basilstalk...

2011-01-18T12:58:00.001+11:00

One of my rad friends, Graphical, had a slight obsession with a basil plant I kept while living in Vic. Every time she'd come round she'd point out how fabulous, healthy and huge it was. We'd done nothing special with it - in fact, the dirt we planted it in was mostly ash from out fireplace. I was supposed to pass it on to her when I moved... oops my bad - I think we just chucked it in the garden to die.

Anyways... we use herbs (especially basil) quite a bit and have a little balcony planting space - where we've attempted to grow regular basil, thai basil, coriander, mint, lemongrass and oregano. Nothing was really happening - a little disappointing considering my previous 'basil success'.

Then, Micko (who recently started a new job working in hardware) came home with some sample packs of this fertiliser.

I mixed up a batch and poured it over the basil...

Two days passed, we headed off to Sydney for the night...

and from virtually empty stalks....

Magic happened!

Now, I was pretty blown away by this - to show the size, I've used a large can of Aeroguard.

A few weeks later, and this is the progress (I've not used the fertiliser since)...

Same Aeroguard can! And... I've pulled almost every leaf off twice - made a batch of pesto and some other heavy on the basil dishes.

It's just incredible!

Perhaps I missed my calling as a bit of a green thumb.

Schmoking...

2011-01-17T11:57:00.000+11:00

I'm not a resolutions type of person... if I want to change something badly enough, I do it - regardless of the date. Often I'll procrastinate... until I'm at the point of no return. Then, I'll make the change.

I decided to quit smoking. For a few years, I was a pack a day kind of girl. After I got married, I went to see a hypnotist and although it was still super dooper hard, I stopped smoking. And it worked well for a year or so - until I moved back to Vic and had no pot to smoke (oh I didn't mention I'd traded one 'smoke' for another - it was only when I was drinking). We (Micko and I - we do all of these thing together) started to sneak a couple in when drinking... slowly it crept into our week (one after work)... then into a few every night.

I didn't want to turn into a full time smoker again... I didn't want to be sitting in a movie theatre wishing the movie would end so I could nick out and light up.... I didn't want to be desperately sucking down 4 or 5 durries before checking in at the airport, looking at my watch to count down how long till my next 'fix', running out the doors and lighting up before collecting my baggage. I also didn't want to be buying 3 packs of cigarettes before a big night - had to have a safety deck after my safety deck (if I'd run out and not be able to scab some, I'd go to bed immediately). I didn't want to be that sad, addicted freak anymore.

So, I smoked my last cigarette on New Years morning (just a coincidence) - like around 2am. I wasn't going to put undue pressure on myself... I was just not going to smoke anymore (but if I did, I was going to accept it and start again fresh the next day).

First week was fine... second and third day were particularly tough but I managed to get through them. The challenge would be when I picked up a drink! And it was challenging... I tried to keep myself busyand was a bitch to Micko... but, I got through the night... clean.

The rest of the week was a breeze and the word 'cigarette' hardly popped into my mind at all.... until Friday. Certainly not as hard as the previous week but I did notice I was a little 'shirty'. Especially when woken up at 3am by Katy Perry and Micko singing Firework at ridiculously high volume (Micko was a mutant - he'd have to have been to be singing Katy Perry - certainly not one of his favourites!)

Saturday was the real challenge... a night out - with.... chain smokers! ARGH! Once again, a battle of will, of which I came out victorious! I surprised myself and it was much easier than I thought... I was tempted a few times, but thought about how gross it really is - and how my head and chest will feel in the morning.

So, it would seem that I am now officially a non-smoker. I've come up against my biggest hurdle and I've cleared it with ease. I've finally joined that group of people that I've admired and envied soooo much over the years! And I'm smoked (ooops Freudian slip) - ahhh, I mean stoked!

Ss-Ss-Studio

2011-01-14T11:56:00.000+11:00

I'm getting my blogging freak back on... And I have a few stories to tell you - life hasn't been standing still while I've been awol.

The last 6 weeks have been quite a whirlwind... a trip to Melbs, a girls weekend on the Goldie, Sydney for Muse (which in itself deserves an entry - hell, I think there is one if my drafts folder somewhere), some partaying and of course the craziness that is Christmas/New Year/Summer. I'll save those for another day....

You might remember, some time ago, I blogged about the shithole that was my working studio. Drab, depressing and damp - not at all condusive to creativity.

Well, that's all changed.
Still a few things to do - like hang my paintings and put up some shelving, but it's certainly a billion times better than 6 months ago! If you need to see the shithole to believe the shithole, click here now.

And now I unveil the new and improved workspace...

The recording booth that Micko worked tirelessly on... A dream to record in! Loving the chalkboard lightbulb - a perfect match for my logo. Soundproofing plasterboard (dry wall), filled with soundproofing insulation, another layer of plasterboard and some acoustic foam. The window is 2 planes of double glazed glass. And it features a solid decorative door to boot (heavy mofo - and a total prick to hang).

Perfection!

Inside the money maker... gets a little hot and sticky in there, otherwise it's a total gem!

New studio monitors - still need to get the right lead so they'll work - slacker!

The back wall is teal... I can't show you that side just yet - that's where all the crap is neatly stored awaiting shelving and storage... hey, I'm not perfect, but I'm halfway there!

Speaking of a beautiful, functioning workspace... I really should get in there and start working!

aveagoodweekend!

Rain, rain, go away...

2011-01-13T16:27:00.003+11:00

Floods... suck major arse!

I should know... I've lived in Northern NSW for about 6 years now and I've spent my fair share of time a prisoner in my own home while the roads around me close, one by one, until there's nothing left to do besides pull a six pack out of the fridge and a deck of cards from the junk draw and play some snap.

We are coming up to our 2 year anniversary of moving to Nambucca and last year alone, I saw the river flood around 4-5 times. It's a bizarre thing to watch... Water, water every where... Trees flying past being thrown around like a leaf, dead livestock washing up on the beach, the sea turns a lovely shade of brown and there is caramel coloured foam as far as the eye can see. High tide hits and town becomes an inland lake. Then as quickly as it comes, it recedes. Leaving behind a damp, wet, muddy path of destruction.

This time round, it's not my little town of around 10,000 batting down the hatches... it's the third largest city in Australia. Not just a few hundred people in the low lying area's of the Nambucca Valley - but thousands upon thousands upon thousands of people, displaced for what could be months and months and months. Devastating is an understatement!

I've been blown away by just how thoughtful and caring people can be... The amount of texts, phone calls and emails I've received, asking if I'm okay, has been overwhelming! This morning I got an email from a complete stranger who'd just stumbled across my blog and was concerned for my safety. And just now, another from the lovely 'Seattle Heather'. Sweethearts!

I've had many a drunken conversation about the humanity of people... that the world is a good place, full of essentially good people (some of which do bad things from time to time) and on many occassions I've been told I'm niave to think that. But I'll stick to my theory... my world is a good place - overflowing with great people... and in hard times, these great people do extraordinary things.

Humanity always surprises me... unfortunately, so does Mother Nature.

My thoughts are with everyone affected - including my family, friends and work collegues.

As someone wise once said... but for the life of me I can't recall who... Woah - you know what? I think it was Bill Rancic (please don't tell anyone I watch Guillana and Bill!)

Everything will be alright in the end... and if it's not alright, it's not the end.

Lifes little lessons

2010-12-08T16:43:00.000+11:00

My darling Jandy did a beautiful post on lessons she's learnt throughout her life... I even got a mention - thanks lover!

Got me to thinking... What are some lessons I've learnt the hard way? What would I pass on to people to help them avoid some of the embarrassing situations I've found myself in?

So here are '10 of lifes little lessons'... with a Karls twist;

1. Jumpsuits (a) - while they look kickarse, most require a visit with the Mother-in-law's sewing room in order to actually get into them. Might be my huge cans? They just seem never to have enough room to get both my tits and my arms in. Lesson? Adjust before you wear - or you could find yourself in a toilet for over half an hour trying to work out how you got yourself in the bloody thing before you hit the town!

2. Jumpsuits (b) (yeah - I love jumpsuits) - always check that your not actually sitting on part of your outfit when you take a wee after 2 bottle of champas. It's disasterous and quite difficult to explain why your back is saturated and perhaps a little on the pongy side!

3. A sanitary pad does not replace a trip to the toilet - it's not a nappy people!

4. Keep mouth shut when your dog sniffs another dogs privates - elderly women do not appreciate 'Dog 69er' jokes.

5. Wear sunscreen... Not only does it help combat premature aging, but it also hinders a brazen red and white cleavage... and lets face it, nobody likes a lobster - unless they make a fabulous frozen Cosmo.

6. On special occassions - you should really attend to those outta control 'koala ears' prior to flashing your box at people. While you might find koala's soft and cuddly - the reality is they are generally quite scary and aggressive animals with chlamydia.

7. A jumbo bag of white choc raspberry bullets does not make menstrual pain go away... it does, however, make your jaw feel like you've been gutsed on the disco biccies at a 2 week long rave. You'd think I learn - but I do it ev.ery. month!

8. Test the waters when meeting new people. Hold back - at least for 5-10 minutes. Keep in mind that some people aren't quite sure how to take stories about shitting yourself in public.

9. Who am I kidding? Jump right in... if you're not a nasty bitch and what you're saying isn't going to hurt anyone's feelings, don't feel you have to apologise for or hinder your outlandish behavoir. Go for it!

10. Sometimes less is more... prime example; this post!

Afgan Womens Writing Project

2010-12-07T20:06:00.000+11:00

A fabulous blogger and rad fellow Aussie has taken on a mammoth task to raise awareness and funds for the Afgan Womens Writing Project.

She's a yo-yo exerciser and is working up to running 5k's non-stop on January 8th. This is no small feat for the very busy Sharni!

She's up against quite a few obstacles...

Finding time, overcoming the urge to lie around under a fan, injury, raging dry heat, rain followed by humidity, locusts and dirty gross flies, and wind... oh the wind (not of the arse variety - but you never know) - just to name a few.

Now, not only does she have a huge heart... She is also a total hottie... A fabulous mother... A talented writer with a heart of gold...

And when she gets a bee in her bonnet, she's like a friggin bull in a china shop (well... a little more focused than that - but I think you get the point I'm trying to get across - if not, she's relentless in her quest).

I suggest (well actually, it's more of an order than a suggestion!) you get your fine arses over to http://www.sharnanigans.com/ and pledge your support... if you can't spare the cashola (which is a reality for many around this time of year) the least you can do is help to spread the word (and it doesn't cost you a cent).

It's a very worthwhile cause... so what are you waiting for?

Woofmas Spirit

2010-12-03T17:55:00.000+11:00

Getting into the Christmas spirit! Today I bought a little tree and decorated it. Micko and I have spent 7 Christmas' together and we've not once had a tree - ahhh the benefits of moving around so much. Thought we'd get into the spirit this year.

So... to kick start the first weekend of December I thought I'd kick it up a notch.

Decided it's my work Christmas party tonight...

Last minute and very easy considering it's just me and Billy here (and Micko - he can be counted as an employee with all his recent hard work renovating the studio)!

Celebrating with some ginger beer beer (like beer with ginger beer - Bluetongue - it's good shit actually!)

Billy all dolled up and ready to party...

We are both wearing matching outfits so you should be super grateful it's just the two of based in my studio!

Office Dares

2010-11-19T16:06:00.001+11:00

Got an email today that had almost need to change my grundies! Usually I don't pass these things on, but I couldn't resist...

Although, it wouldn't work so well in my 'office'... makes me want a proper job (for all of half of a half of a half of a second).

Office Dares

One Point Dares

1. Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.

2. To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.

3. Leave your fly open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way".

4. Walk sideways to the photocopier.

5. While riding in an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

6. When in elevator with one other person, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn't you.

7. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy..."

8. Don't use any punctuation.

9. Interrupt your conversation with someone by giving a huge dejected sigh.

10. Use your highlighter pen on the computer screen.

Three Point Dares

1. Say to your boss, "I like your style", wink, and shoot him with double-barrelled fingers.

2. Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.

3. Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

4. Every time you get an email, shout ''email''.

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has got over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6. Keep hole punching your finger. Each time you do, shout, "dagnamit, it's happened again!". Then do it again.

7. Introduce yourself to a new colleague as "the office bicycle". Then wink and pout.

8. Call I.T. helpdesk and tell them that you can't seem to access any p*rnography web sites.

Five Point Dares

1. At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).

2. Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.

3. For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Dave".

4. Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two".

5. When you've picked up a call, before speaking finish off some fake conversation with the words, ''she can abort it for all I care''.

6. After every sentence, say 'Mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in: "The report's on your desk, Mon." Keep this up for one hour.

7. In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!"

8. At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again!"

9. Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."

10. Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit; smash each biscuit with your fist.

11. During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.

12. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

13. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

14. Sign or pp all letters with your initials and a swastika.

15. Dry hump the photocopier. When someone spots you, stop and cough embarrassingly, then lean in to the machine and whisper loudly, "I'll see you tonight".

Too good not to share in this rainy Friday arvo - when beer o'clock can't seem to come around quick enough!

PS. I have been known to do the 3 point dare - No. 1 on occasion (to my boss... being myself... in the mirror) but don't hold that against me!

Busy Thai-mes ahead!

2010-11-15T13:58:00.000+11:00

So much exciting stuff going on... studio is looking good - getting carpet down in a couple of weeks - then it's finito!

Also, sometime ago, I mentioned I'd been to see a psychic and that she mentioned my bro, starting with D, and I had been talking about a trip to Thailand. She told me it would happen...

And, guess what? It has... finally!

We booked and paid last Friday and it's all systems go! My bro, his wife, Micko and I are headed to Bangkok for a couple of nights, then off to Koh Samui for about 10 days. My bro is in the final stages of finishing off his PHD so this is going to be a big celebratory trip - and perhaps a 'making babies' trip (not between me and my bro - you sick, sick fuckers).

Micko and I have not had a proper holiday (a short trip to Melbs is not what I consider a 'holiday') since our honeymoon - which is now over 4 years ago. I'm soooooo ready to get away - I'll still be taking work with me... but that's cool... should be fairly minimal (although it never seems to work that way).

What else have we got on? Well... going to Sydney to see Muse in a few weeks... got 5 rad bitches heading up to the Gold Coast to spend the weekend with me - look out! A 30th, Christmas (the first at our place with Micko's family), New Years (with my cousin from Perth and Crazy Times Mel), two Melbourne weddings... then jetsetting off to Thailand the first week of March. Busy times!

Things are certainly good in my neck of the wood.

Peace bitches!

Dr 'Black Dog' Jekyl and Mr 'Black Dog' Billy

2010-11-03T08:31:00.003+11:00

I've been hearing this song a bit lately. Lisa Mitchell is one of my guilty pleasures. Not that she's at all embarrassing... not like BROS (my first cassette) or Taylor Dayne - Can't Get Enough of Your Love (my first CD single). It's just that Micko doesn't buy into her at all - or any kind of folky music. So, I'm left to listen to her in my own time and own space - like driving my car, or while he's at work.

Anyways... I like it because it sums up in a song where my head space has been over the past year. Thankfully, I have managed to kick the old black dog away and now, next time it comes creeping into my backyard, I'll be better equipped to recognise and deal with it.

What I have noticed throughout this journey is that so many people don't get it at all. They want to make excuses for you. They can't believe 'you' could suffer from depression. They have no concept of how you could be functioning at all... Why aren't you crying all the time? Why aren't you in bed all day?

And I get that... I think at some point I may have even been looking at things from their perspective.

Coming out the other side, I've also noticed how all encompassing depression really is. At the depths, and after being diagnosed, it was all I could think about, all I could talk about. I was totally in it... and it was all around me. Nothingness, numbness, confusion and sadness (if I could break through the nothingness, numbness and confusion).

See, for me, the worst part is not being in control. The black dog decides itself when it's ready to move on. The choices you make do help it on it's way... but you can't just magically make it disappear.

Countless hours on the therapists couch, the support of the people I love and a little hard work did the trick. I can feel again... happiness and sadness. Emotion truly is a great gift. A gift I won't be taking for granted any time soon!

It is true what they say... in order to feel the highs, you have to have known lows. I'm not at all saying 'you have to suffer from depression to understand what happiness is'. Not at all (in fact, in it, I knew neither sides of the coin) - but you definitely need to experience sadness in order to recognise happiness.

And for me, now I know that the lows kick arse over the nothing at all. These days I'm not supressing my emotions for anyone... I now believe that people should be encouraged to cry, not have to apologise for it.

Because what it boils down to is... if you can't cry... you can't laugh either.

Hate breeders

2010-11-01T08:41:00.002+11:00

As you should all know by now, my pet hate is racism. It disgusts me on sooo many levels.

I don't know many racists... or, if I do, they tend to keep their mouths shut around me (and for good reason - I'm like a fucking lion with a dart in it's paw)... maybe I live in my little bubble of acceptance, rainbows and unicorns - and when I say acceptance, I mean of all people regardless of colour, sex, religion or sexual persuasion - oh except of course racists - but I'll delve more into this later.

Anyuneducated bogan... I'm aware that I'm likely no better than these people with their small minded views. Perhaps I'm making assumptions... perhaps they are good people, with good hearts... that just dislike people purely based on their skin colour or language (yes... although I'm serious there is a slight twang of sarcasm there).

Last night, while perusing the corners of facebook, a 'friend' (or rather a guy I went to high school with who added me with a 'you might not remember me...' note attached) updated his status with the following, and I quote;

'At work and playing spot the aussie and guess what i cant fucking find 1 we have england india chinese italian cyprus and thats just 2 name a few we shouldnt be called australia we should be HALF BREED CITY its not like im a racist but when they talk in there own language it pisses u off speak ENGLISH 4 crying out loud'

Fab grammar, English and punctuation there!

I find myself wondering whether he, in fact, uses English as his first language?

Regardless... that. is. despicable!!!

I found myself shaking uncontrollably - from anger and disgust. Is this not 2010? I had no concept that people like this still existed.

I made a comment that I thought it was a backwards and racist thing to say... that at some point we were all immigrants to this country and at the end of the day we are all made of skin and bone, we eat, breathe and shit... and for that I was hung from the cross and crucified by the 'racist bogan brigade '(a good mate of mine said 'romper stomper debating team').

Afterwards, I spoke to one of my best mates, who is a teacher. She was just as horrified as I... she told me a story of one of the students at her school (we are talking primary school here). A young Tongan boy, who has moved around quite a bit from school to school. He told one of the Sudanese boys to 'Fuck off, n-word'. For which my mate give him a solid talking too. He later says, 'I hate Asians... My Dad hates Asians... I don't even like them looking at me, makes me feel sick'.

Is that the kid, of 10 years old, talking?

Absolutely not! They are his fathers words... his fathers beliefs.

Unfortunately... racists breed racists.

As a child, although disturbing, it's not the childs fault. They only know what they know... they know what they are taught.

As an adult... At what point do you access your beliefs and take responsibility for your actions?

I've been doing this myself over the past few months. Asking myself, is that my voice I hear in my head? Or is it someone elses? Does this serve me today? Do I still need that belief or am I better off without it?

This person/these people, need to take a good long hard look at themselves. How would they like their children to be persecuted for the way they look, the way they speak, what they eat, who they pray too?

What makes one person better than another?

(note; the irony of this statement is not lost on me - but I do have an answer...)

The answer... in my humble opinion;

Humanity, understanding and tolerance.

Creation Station

2010-10-29T13:05:00.000+11:00

Before you continue reading this post, I think you really need to have a look at this post.

My studio, or dungeon of hell as it was refered to, is still being transformed and I can't wait to show you guys what it looks like - but I can't find my fucking camera's battery charger and my phone has no camera. So, instead, I'll take you on a tour of the mind.

The 3 major walls have been insulated and plastered. Micko built me a fabulous new sound proof recording booth... with a beautiful door... and yesterday I started painting. I've picked a bright lilac and teal blue.... the purple walls are ready to go - just got the teal ones to go, which I'll be sinking my teeth into tomorrow.

Cornice goes up over the weekend and carpet in the next few weeks. Then, it will be finito!

Already the space feels solid, cleaner (even though there is shit everywhere) and really creative. I'm so freaking excited watching it all come together into my own little creation of space. All mine!

And just look what I got as my 'whiteboard'...

Not my office - although it's going to look fab here for sure! Check out all the rad chalkboard decals at this kickarse Etsy store.

What makes it all the more perfect is that the lightbulb is part of my logo... remember?

Perfection!

In other news... tonight Micko and I are having an early anniversary dinner - we'll be flying to Melbs for a wedding on our actual anni. It's at our fav local restaurant 'The Jaaning Tree' and it's a 6 course menu! OH. MY. GOD! How the hell am I going to fit it all in... here is the menu... so you can die of envy.

________________________________________

Canapes and bubbles on the deck.

Seared scallops with black pudding and cauliflower puree.

Chilli and Vietnamese mint squid with avocado and a strawberry vinegrette.

Oxtail Terrine with confit onions and an Illawarra plum sauce.

Beef roulade filled with fetta, pinenuts and seasoned with oregano served with salad and a wattleseed sauce.

Dessert tasting plate - white chocolate and pistachio nut mousse, lemon myrtle chilled custard and a chocolate and macadamia nut slice with lillipilli cream.
_____________________________

Mmmmmm... have a good weekend!

Having a whale of a time!

2010-10-22T14:47:00.001+11:00

I've just returned from my daily walk with Billy down the beach. It's a glorious day here today... mid 20s, sun is shining, skies are blue and the ocean is gleaming turquoise. Stunning!

I was thinking to myself (and I tend to do a shitload of thinking on the beach), I'm down here almost every day, either running or walking with Bill, and during the past 18 months I've not seen a single whale. Word is, the last couple of seasons, they have been staying quite a distance away from the shore... hence, not too many sightings in this neck of the woods.

Anyways... as I turned around to walk back something caught the corner of my eye. It was only a couple of hundred metres out from shore and it is quite windy here today, so my initial thought was 'oh it's a windsurfer'. But then... I saw a big splash... and an even bigger Y shape flying up towards the horizon. That's no windsurfer... it's a whale!

This whale was having an absolute whale of a time (pun intended). It frolicked around while I made my way back. Tail flicking up into the air... then it's huuuuuge body jumping out of the water and crashing down into the turquoise waters below. Truly incredible!

I felt blessed... and so lucky to be living in this breathtaking corner of our wonderful planet. Sure, there are times when the isolation is suffocating... I whinge about this town catering for the unemployed and the elderly only... or when the lack of decent amenties and shopping does my absolute head in...

And then... I have an experience like I did just now, and I wouldn't dare live any other place on earth. I feel connected to Mother Nature here and I'm ever so grateful!

Vaginamite

2010-10-21T10:54:00.001+11:00

Any of you rad as fuck fellow Aussies out there - this blogs made for you (this blo-oo-ogs, made for you... Anyone else remember the Swan Lager ad from the early 80s? Just me? Okay bitches... way to make a woman feel old.)

I've said it before... for the most part I'm a proud Aussie. I say things like 'G'day mate', 'fucking oath', 'deadset', 'fair go', 'dunny', 'my shout', 'arvo', 'flat out like a lizard drinking'. Some might even go as far to say that I have a little 'bogan' in me.

**Disclaimer** - there are also things that make me not so proud... but I've been there before once, or twice.

I love beer, barbies (especially when there are chicken sauso's involved), the beach, meat pies, the footy (Aussie rules of course - go Tiges), Tim Tams, our wildlife (hence working with WIRES), lamingtons, the look of pavlova (not a real fan of the taste) and, of course, vegemite! (affectionately known as Vaginamite... kind of like eating radioactive waste mixed with road tar on toast - for those who haven't tried it before - but waaaaay fucking tastier!)

So, imagine the sheer delight when the one and only Peter Alexander announces a line of Vegemite PJ's!
I. had. to. have. them!

Check 'em...

Image found here...

I got the ones good ol' Pete is decked out in. (just the pants... too much of a good thing can in fact be, well, too much!)

Oh you're spewing now, aren't ya mate!

I'm starting with the (wo)man in the mirror...

2010-10-20T11:02:00.001+11:00

Most days I'd wake and look in the mirror and wouldn't like a single thing that's staring back at me. It was a rare day that I'd be even slightly impressed.

I'd beat myself up about my wrinkles, my grey hair, my moustache, my double chin, my thin eyelashes, my face cellulite (does anybody relate to the face cellulite??). And that was just my face! If I were to write a list of things that I didn't like about my body, I'd be here until the very end of time.

Let's just say that I'm not my biggest fan (physically - I actually do like myself as a person - quite a contradiction and I'm aware of that - but that's just the way it is... at this moment).

Surprisingly, this comes as an utter shock to most people I tell. On the outside I seem so confident... and *shudder - their words not mine* attractive.

One thing I've come to realise is that the way I see myself, certainly isn't the way others see me. Now, I'm no supermodel or oil painting - but I'm not the hideous monster that looks back at me from time to time.

I'm me! And I am beautiful... the sooner I embrace that, the better (oh I'm working on it).

Why is it that we are sooooo fucking critical of ourselves, but not of others? (Well... I am - I can't say this relates to everyone because everyone hasn't had the same experience or belief system as I do - but I'm sure there are quite a few of you out there!)

See, the thing is... regardless of who you are, what you look like, what you've been though... there is someone out there that looks up to you. Someone who wishes they could be as brave, strong, emotional, free, happy, slim, pretty, tall, big boobed, small boobed, arsey, funny, creative, smart, witty (I think you get the picture) as you are.

I propose that each day... you tell at least one person, who wouldn't expect it, something that you admire about them.

And if you are lucky enough to be at the receiving end of such a compliment, that you accept that compliment graciously. Don't question it... Just accept it. The truth shall set you free - as one would say.

Go forth and compliment, people!

Spring has sprung...

2010-10-20T10:14:00.000+11:00

There has to be something said for spring... and it's close association with new life and regeneration.

I feel like I'm turning over a new leaf (pun intended) and starting anew.

I've had a rough trot the past 6 or so months (mentally) and now I've emerged out of a dark and long tunnel (which I'm so grateful was a tunnel, and not the deep shit hole I'd originally thought it to be). I'm renewed... and ready to once again grab life by the balls and run with it.

When I started this blog I called it Karlosophies for a reason... I wanted to share stories and my philosophies - lessons I'd learnt, situations I'd been in, where I've been and where I'm going.

Over the past few months, it's been pushed aside while I got my shit together and immersed myself in 'the real world'. I'm not sure I'm back for good... but I'm here now - and it's exactly where I'm meant to be.

There are things shifting in Karlsville. Change is in the air... Now is the time I need to refocus on the good things. Let this be known... I'm taking the time to shine.

I'd love for you to join me!

Message in a (found on the side of the road) book...

2010-09-03T12:50:00.002+10:00

So, y'all remember Micko found a book on the side of the road that he brought home to give to me. It was 'Tuesdays with Morrie' and I wondered what poignant message it contained.

Well... a strange thing occurred. I found myself asking what was the message? I mean, I get that it's all about living your life to the full... loving every moment and appreciating the people in your life. That's a great message in itself, but it's nothing new.

Soon after I finished my Nan popped into my head. I started to feel a little guilty about the 2nd last time I saw her. It was my brother's wedding and I was sitting next to her. Sometimes my Nan lacked tact - well, okay... a lot of the time! But I found it one of her most endearing qualities. On this occassion, however, I was quite short with her. I was doing a speech and was a little nervous and my usual patient persona went out the window. I guess it's plagued on me a little... more than I realised.

I also remember her breath... it smelt weird. Nan wasn't a stinky breath kind of person, but this night it really did smell. Which was another reason I didn't really want to talk to her. I felt like I should have known that she had liver cancer from her breath alone - kind of ridiculous, I realise. But if I'd said something, maybe things would be different... she'd have gone to the Docs and they'd have picked it up much earlier.

For a full day, it pretty much consumed my mind. I felt wrecked with guilt that I hadn't appreciated her as I usually would. That night, something really strange happened... but first, I have to go back to her funeral.

As I'm a bit of a show pony... and a pretty good public speaker (if I do say so myself) I was asked to do her eulogy. Possibly the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my entire life... but something that I really wanted to do.. and do well. She would have wanted that. I asked all my cousins if they wanted to speak, or had anything they wanted me to put in my speech. My cous Jules, mentioned that just before Nan had passed, she had been having a talk with her about death. Nan had said, 'Whenever you need me, I will be there... in your dreams'.

So back to that night. I slept and I dreamt vividly of Nan. She told me she was happy and free and to never feel guilty over anytime we'd spent together. That she had loved me dearly and would always be there. Then I woke up... to hearing myself say 'Nan! Nan!' and crying my eyes out.

I'm not sure if it was just my subconcious playing out in my dreams... or if she was really there. I'd like to think it was the latter. So, Tuesday with Morrie did have a rather poignant message for me. Death separates us from loved ones physically, but they will always, always live on in your heart, your mind... and when you need them... your dreams!

...and the ratshit, slackarse blogger award goes to...

2010-09-02T16:18:00.000+10:00

Yep! If there were an award for the ratshit, slackarse blogger... no contest... it's me!

What have I been doing? Well, a little partying, a lot of working, a little rescuing wildlife, getting my shit together and basically living my life.

I've had some good times over the past few weeks... and one absolute meltdown. I wanted to pack up my shit (and Micko's), put the house on the market and move back up north. But I realised that I've done that quite a bit in the past... moved because I though the grass was greener, only to discover it's exactly the same shit brown colour as the place I left.

Speaking of grass being greener... I'm featured on my bloggy buddy Sharni blog today. On health and fitness... head over and check me out in all my glory (sorry, no nudity - I know... you're disappointed!)

This weekend, I'm off to Brisbane to see Powderfinger with a bunch of my old Byron mates and I'm sooooo looking forward to catching up and having a few beers. But more exciting is the shopping factor! There is nothing here.... NOTHING! I'd buy clothes online but my massive cans make that pretty much impossible. So look out Brisvegas clothing stores... (and Ikea) Karls is coming to getcha!

You shit me to tears...

2010-08-13T09:56:00.002+10:00

Things that shit me to tears:

1. When the phone rings and I've either...

a. Just stepped foot into the shower.

b. Started brushing my teeth.

...and when I reach the phone, the fucker hangs up.

This happened to me not 20 minutes ago.
Tip people: If you are ringing someone and the answering machine kicks in, wait until just before the beep if you are going to hang up. Give the poor prick time to at least reach the phone.
Or... here's a novel idea... leave a fucking message! You obviously rang for a reason!
Thankfully, most times, with a mobile I can see who it is... even if I can never, ever find my phone (regardless of how small and tidy my handbag) in time - yes, this also shits me to tears.

2. When the person rings back and it's really not someone you feel like talking too

- or even like for that matter.

(This JUST happened) Especially when they crap on and on and on... and you've got shit that needs to be done... but they won't get off the phone no matter how many times you tell them you've gotta go.

Gotta go... I'm in a world of monthly pain!

And thanks to that arsehole, I'm waaaay behind in work.

Oh and I have one last, late edition!

When you're interupted on the shitter and only get to do a half arse job wiping your arse... to reach the phone in time and have it be a fucking telemarketer!!! Hello, arsehole! My ring is now stinging and unclean... and I'm the fucking Do Not Call Register!

Message in a... random book?

2010-08-12T09:46:00.000+10:00

Most night I read... although since we got Pay TV installed, I've swapped that for eps of Hollie's World, Kendra, The Hills, The City, LA Ink... I could go on, but I think you get the idea (that is, I should be watching less fucking TV and reading more fucking books).

I've always been an avid reader, but when I hooked up with Micko I stopped reading. Mainly because he'd be going to sleep and I'd have to have the light on - didn't want to annoy him. Now that we've been married going on 4 years, I feel it's my duty to annoy him.

Anyways... last night as we were getting ready for bed, Micko tells me he found something that I'd love. I was intrigued. He threw something at me... a book... 'Tuesdays with Morrie'. I look at the book... and at Micko - a little confused.

He says, 'You know... Tuesdays with Morrie... remember?'

Confusion...

'Karls... it's Tuesday with Morrie. You know... Oprah?'

Hahaha! Seriously? Micko finds some random book... and it's one that, somehow, he remembers he once saw Oprah talk about. For the record, I can't actually remember Micko ever watching Oprah.

I drop the book... kind of disgusted. Micko knows the deal...

'Karls... it's clean! Look at it. I reakon it's been read once... if that'

He's right... besides a bent marker page it's in pristine condition. I breathe a sigh of relief.

So, I wonder what important message this book contains for me. It must have some kind of a poignant message (for either me or Micko) or he wouldn't have just 'happened' upon it - well that's my theory. I'll let you know what I discover.

Oh and in other news... do you know what a bush turd smells like? I think it has kind of a distinctive smell - perhaps the stench of desperation (because you sure wouldn't be taking a bush dump unless you where about to self implode).

I just cranked out a housebound crapola and it had the sweet scent of a bush job - not anywhere near roses, let me tell you!

Surprise Facial - no sperm involved... sorry!

2010-08-04T16:36:00.001+10:00

I've just returned from a deliciously fabulous facial. Devine!

Back in the day, in the months prior to our wedding, I'd go to see my favourite girls at Michaela's in Brunswick Heads for a weekly facial and AHA peel. I loved it! So relaxing... and I felt like I glowed after - well, I kind of did (with all the moisture put on my face).

This was when Micko was working on the highway upgrade and was bringing in the big biccies. We'd gorge ourselves on treats... like facials (well I did anyway) good wine, oysters and yellowfin tuna, and eat out once a week. I felt like a queen back then. I can vividly remember the feeling....

...and I can feel it returning.

This isn't because of our financial situation... but because I'm really starting to feel good about myself. I'm getting back into running on the beach for an hour 3 days a week and putting in at least 3 sessions at the gym. I'd lightened up substantially because I wanted to be okay whether I worked out.. or I didn't. I wanted to stop beating myself up... which I think I'm really getting the hang of lately.

Anyradfacial... I wanted to share a fucking hilarious tale of my last facial. I think I may have blogged on it at the time, but I definitely didn't share all that happened.

I booked in... first time in about 3 and a half years. I'd seen this woman before to have my eyebrows done and she wasn't too bad, so I thought I'd give her facial a go.

The facial went for well over 3 hours... yes... 3 FUCKING HOURS!

While this may sound like the ultimate facial at this point... let me assure you it wasn't.

Now, the woman is a lovely person. She constantly calls me 'beautiful girl'... in fact, she pretty much ends every sentence with 'my beautiful girl' or 'gorgeous girl'. This would be okay.. if not endearing in most circumstances... but this woman does. not. shut. up!

For 3 excrutiating hours I lay looking up at her really trashy roof art collage (I'm not quite sure what she was thinking when she pinned that thing to the roof. It had to have been during the mid nineties at the very least) while she spoke barely stopping to take a breath!

All of a sudden I heard her kind of sniffling... I thought she must have been coming down with a cold or something. Then, I felt drops of water on my face. Tears? Yes... Tears. She was crying!

Now, I'm not being a nasty arsehole bitch here... Hell, I'm working my way through depression and anxiety, so I'm no stranger to crying at inopportune moments... lets face it, I've become quite accustomed to it of late.

However, I paid good money... and I mean good money... for an experience that should have been relaxing and totally enjoyable. Instead... I'm lying on a fucking table, looking at some trashy homemade art work, for over 3 hours, while my beautician talks incessantly and cries on me. Oh and she at one stage pissed off to the post office for 20 minutes while I had a mask on.

Good news is... today was completely the opposite! New beautician... who has a general rule of no talking during the facial, a lovely clean and inviting workplace and not a single tear shed (except from me when she was extracting my gross blackheads).

I'll be treating myself once every 6 weeks... after all, I totally deserve it - perhaps not the pain element of extractions.. but the rest, fo shiz!

Birthday... Bitches

2010-07-23T10:10:00.001+10:00

It's my 33rd birthday on Sunday... ARGH! Where have the past 15 years gone?

Good news is... my favourite bitch in the whole world is coming to see me to celebrate! Now, this is no small feat! She is coming just for the night... and it involved not one, but 2 flights... about a 4am wake up call too!

In honour of her super radness... Please indulge yourselves in the following photo montage!

Me and my bitch at my old home 'Barwon Heads'... Miss that place. I, as per usual, have to do something immature to ruin the shot - aka. picking a winner.

BDO '08. Oh Big Day Out, my dear friend! Where the hell did that kick arse visor and sunnies go?

The Hoff's engagement... we were ROTTEN!

Back in the day... perhaps New Years 01-02? We went camping and ended up seeing in the New Year at the local Fire Station - after stumbling in and a good mate wowing the Firies with his mad breakdancing skills. The Hoff got dressed up for the occassion.

My 22nd birthday! 11 year ago? Surely not! 80s party... it was still the 90s (that's how forward thinking I am!)

Me riding The Hoff in the middle of Lygon St. Unusual? For most... yes. For me? No.

Ahhh Meredith Music Festival... How we love thee... shall we count the ways? MMF 2000

Another Meredith escapade! My mate used to own the pub... here we are after hours. This is what happens when 2 young girls are left behind a bar with no supervision.

The Hoff turns the big 3.0!

Oh my... stay classy Karls! Oaks Day... many, many moons ago!

Another Oaks... older... but no more mature!

The Hoffs Hens... Dude! The beer is empty... and it's seriously about your 17th. Put down the beer, take off your whore outfit and go to fucking bed.

Keeping it real of The Hoffs wedding day.

Maybe I'll have some pics to share come Monday... might even have a tale or too.

Have a good weekend... and Happy Birthday to Me!

Oh and we'll also be celebrating one year since my bambino Bubbalishy Billy came to live with his new parents... us.

Happy birthday Bubbsy!

Destination? Escalation

2010-07-16T09:20:00.003+10:00

Escalation... it's a funny thing! And one of my best abilities (much to my detriment, in most cases). The only positive to escalation is it indicates you have a fucking fantastic imagination!

What is escalation? Well, it's the ability (or disability) to create a series of events in your mind - of which most outcomes are negative and self defamatory. It creates massive amounts of anxiety... I guess it's like 'blowing things out of proportion'. I do it... regularly!

Here is a PRIME example of how I escalate:

One of my only local friends and I are facebook friends. One day, I jump on and think 'Oh and I should send so and so a message asking if they wanna come round for beers this weekend!'

So, I type their name into the search box and it comes up with nothing! I then do a search and find said friend... only she has 'de-friended' me! What? The? Fuck?

I feel a bubble in my throat... my heart rate picks up... I start to feel a little shakey.

'What did I do? Oh my GOD! What have I said to upset her? Maybe she's taken offence to a status update? Maybe someone has told her I don't like her? Or that she thinks I'm a snobby bitch? Or a fuckhead loser? I know I've been a bit weird of late! I can't seem to relate to people anymore... I'm not funny or witty these days... If only she got to know me, maybe I could be my old self and then she might like me. Fuck? What have I done?'

I rack my brains trying to think of something I may have done to upset her so much that she'd de-friend me... I create a million and one reasons in my mind and for two whole weeks I feel sick to the pit of my stomach. I now start thinking:

'What if I run into her? She'll probably ignore me... or worse, punch me in the face. I'll be so embarrassed. Is she just going to confront me and I'll be backed into a corner - because I don't know what I've done? If only I knew what I'd done, I could apologise before she confronts me about it.'

Then... one morning... I walk into the gym, pick up a pen to sign in and see her name above mine on the register. Immediately I am struck with panic!!! Bubble in throat, feeling hot all over, heart pounding, hands shaking. I look up and see her... she looks straight at me... and says:

...with a big friendly smile on her face...

'Oh my GOD! Karly! I haven't seen you in ages! I thought you might be here... We have to get together for beers soon!'

'Huh? What the? Hang on one second! She doesn't hate me?'

No... she doesn't hate me. She likely hadn't even thought about me during those 2 excrutiating weeks.... unlike me! Whose pretty much dedicated the last fortnight to stress and worry.

In all the narratives I explored... I didn't explore the fact that perhaps she didn't de-friend me, that perhaps there was a facebook glitch... or perhaps one of the kids got on and deleted a bunch of people by accident.

We don't know why it happened, but it certainly wasn't a callous and calculated move or one of revenge. In fact, I wasn't even a fleeting thought.

Negative escalation... she's a nasty bitch from hell!

Facebook, or not... she ain't no friend of mine!

Post Script: I've had a couple of comments that the last line has confused some... I mean that 'escalation' is no friend of mine. The girl on facebook is a friend both on facebook and in real life.

Nice day for... beach running!

2010-07-15T15:55:00.002+10:00

I've been pretty slack on the exercise front... well, when I say that you'll probably think I'm exaggerating. I still walk the dog for an hour each day and get to the gym a couple of times a week.

For me, coming from a time not so long ago, it seems that I've slowed down substantially. I used to work out at least once a day (twice most days) plus walk or run my dog for an hour on the beach. Lately, I've been feeling a little lack lustre.

Today, was a stunning winters day! And a stark reminder of why we moved here. 20 degrees, gorgeous and sunny... the perfect day for a beach run with Billy!

So, rather than make excuses... I chucked Bill in the car , put on my heart monitor, grabbed a bottle of H2O and headed out the door.

It was sooooooo nice! I surprised myself... although I've been light on the exercise, I still managed to do it in under an hour - and with only one short break. TOPS!

Just a snap shot of my piece of paradise... if you are interested, I run from just left of Coronation Park... to the river entrance at Valla. Need to work out how long it actually is... but I'm thinking perhaps 7k's return?

So, I'll be commiting to getting out and pounding the sand twice a week. It's truly exhilarating!

Getting down and.... arty? You dig?

2010-07-12T09:12:00.001+10:00

So, as Micko worked hard this weekend (like super hard) to help create my perfect space, I got in touch with old arty Karls and picked up a paintbrush for the first time in well over 10 years (since Uni, so probably more like 12).

My bro is an AH-MAZ-ING (and quite a successful) artist... and I've always felt very mediocre (if not shit) in comparison... so I stopped painting and found things that I was much better at. That doesn't mean that I don't like painting... I think I'd just convinced myself I was crap at it and so I shouldn't waste my time. I discovered this weekend, just how theraputic and relaxing painting is.

I've got this little book (a notepad book) and the image on the front I adore! It's called 'The Lovers' by an artist called 'Laurel Burch'. I decided to base my painting on her image - because I love it so fucking much. Needed some artwork for my studio's walls (when they are done)... I looked around on etsy and found some prints I liked, but they were all a little too small. So, I grabbed a canvas I've had laying around forever, stocked up on some paints and brushes... and started to work in our rainforest.

Here's what happened...

I started with a canvas I'd previously painted teal - was going to do something for the spare room but couldn't pull it together - ended up using a much bigger canvas and covering in the super rad material - I'll blog on the spare room another day.

I got a marker and roughly outlined the basis of the picture. Then I started blocking parts together with colour.

Decided I wasn't a fan of the skin toned 'Micko'... it's a painting based around my favourite ranga and his black haired beauty - cute, huh? Perhaps a little sickly sweet... but poo to you haters.

Wasn't too sure about the rainbow thing I had going on in the top left corner... bit too busy.

Blended the rainbow - well, not really blend, more re-painted the area.

Also noticed I needed to blend poor Micko's face a little better!

And this, my blogging buddies, is the finished product.

It's no Picasso... but I am really happy with it.

It is going to look fab up on the wall of my office - which will likely be some kind of blue and purple (good colours for creativity).

The main reason I like it is because I had such a great time painting it! I felt happy - like real happiness (which I've not been feeling too much of late)... nice feeling!

It will be a constant reminder that I don't have to be perfect... all the time. I just have to be happy and enjoy who I am and where I am. That is enough for me.

Studio 54... well, not really Studio 54, but a Studio all the same...

2010-07-11T13:55:00.001+10:00

Big things are happening in Karls' wonderful world.

Great shifts of the mind... vast creativity... action, jackson.

As you know, my new website is up and running and I'm totally stoked with it! But that's not all that's changing in my little slice of paradise.

My recording studio, which at present more resembles a dark, dirty, cold dungeon, is about to get a massive makeover! Finally!!!

I've reluctantly (and embarrassingly) taken some 'before' photos... this is waaaaay more brave than showing you the contents of my handbag, let me tell you!

My office was some what of a dumping ground - we moved the boxes in and I never really bothered unpacking them - except when I needed something and then I'd throw shit all around the room while I desperately searched for the software CD or piece of hardware I needed and leave everything else exactly where it was. Naughty! Naughty!

Seriously... if my house was like this, I'd go insane! So, why would I let my office look like a bomb had gone off - especially considering I spend most of my days and some of my nights in this space?

I guess, for starters, it kind of reflects where my mind has been of late. Full of old, useless shit I don't have a need for anymore... so now, I'm ready to take it down the tip and leave it behind forevermore!

Gulp! Breathe... and publish pics...

Oh Hart! What a mess!

So dark and dingy!

My big fish... still sitting around waiting to be hung.

The money maker... my current booth.

See! I'm really putting it all out there... so wrong!

Shit that I put there when we moved in 15 months ago... haven't seen the light of day since! Including my collection of White Stripes 7"'s. Very disappointing! Oh the shame! Feel like I'm a contender for 'Hoarders' right about now...

How embarrassing! But, I'm okay with it. This is reflective of who I was yesterday... and this weekend (and the next... and the next...), the rebuilding and renovating will turn this space into something that is useable... beautiful... creative and totally me!

Bring it on... bitches!

I'll keep you posted on our progress!

Whoa! I missed my birthday...

2010-07-06T08:56:00.000+10:00

So much has been going on! My new website is up and running and it looks shit. hot! Check it out here:

http://www.killerkopy.com.au/

I wrote the content myself and had the fabulous Glen from www.nambuccavalleywebdesign.com.au/ do the design. He is fabulous! If you're looking to have a website put together, don't look past Glen and his partner Lizzy. They are really affordable! I'm really happy with the way it's all turned out!

In other news...

Things are travelling along nicely. Had some really fucked computer problems last week - which caused me undue stress. They seem to be sorted now (well, fingers crossed they are).

I've totally dropped the ball on my fitness regime! It's so fricken cold (we even had day when the max was 12!!! I know, it's practically summer in some parts of the world... not here though - in fact, it's pretty much unheard of). I'm finding it really hard to find the motivation - not too mention my gym is pretty boring - understatement (but it's really the only one around - damn small country towns). I'd run on the beach... but it's fucking cold - oh wow! Another excuse.

Need to dig deep and pull out that motivation. I haven't been a complete sloth - still averaging 2 sesh's a week and I walk Billy everyday (which is more than about 90% of people I know) so, no beating myself up about it... just going to change it.

Had a delicious plunger coffee with chocolate in it... Mmmmmmm! Then I got that hot flush feeling that you get after a hot drink... so I pulled my jumper off and am sitting here a-la naturale (that is... with my boobies hanging around my waist - super uncomfortable and every 15 secs or so I have to put my arm underneath them to take the weight and reposition (oh 20's... and my perky titties.... where did you go???)

Blog birthday was a week ago! Whoops! Had so much going on I totally forgot.

Gotta go put a bra on... I can feel muscle tearing!

Oh and have a shower and get my arse to boxing.

Karma's a bitch!

2010-06-29T15:55:00.000+10:00

Today, I mentored a bunch of girls from the local high schools through a program run through local council. It was concerning money matters and budgeting. As it turned out, I wish I'd had something like this when I was a youngster... I made every single mistake they covered! Would have been nice to avoid them, but I guess they were mistakes I had to make (credit cards, ignoring bills, borrowing interest free but never making payments, pyramid schemes, putting leases and bills in my name only, taking loans to cover credit card debt but not paying the credit card debt fully... the list goes on and on and on).

Anyways... the title of this post is Karma's a bitch... why?

When I was at high school, I was a little prick. I was cheeky, thought I knew it all (some things don't change) and thought my angelic face would get me out of any trouble I found myself in. I'm sure some teachers found me charming (hell, I'm a smart cookie... but also a bit of a clown), and I'm also more than sure I caused quite a few of them a headache or two from time to time.

So, this morning... out of all the tables in the hall, I pick the one full of troublemakers. Highly intelligent girls who were easily distracted and, of course, all sitting on the one table together. They talked non stop, doodled, drew on each other and were just generally disruptive. At first, I remained calm and gave them a few little 'Girls... come on'. Then, while trying to complete an exercise, I lost it.

'Girls! I've given up my day to come here and volunteer to try and give you a better future. I didn't have to do that... I could be at home watching friggin Supernanny, but I'm here and the least you can do is give me the respect I deserve.'

Ouch! It certainly shut them up though - for a little while anyway. It also totally re-confirmed my decision to change my degree from 'Secondary Teaching' to 'Media Arts'!

Here's to you teachers out there... You guys are incredible!

Farewell Mr Rudd

2010-06-24T18:44:00.000+10:00

I don't delve into politics often... mostly because I feel I'm inadequately educated in the area. No one wants to look like a dickhead - well, I'm happy to look like a dickhead when I've pissed my pants in public or been caught hanging a shit on the beach... but I don't like to feel that I might be wrong (which for the record, I hardly ever am... haha)

I'll fight till I'm blue in the face for something I believe in (closing the gap between Indigenous Australians is high up on my list) but if I feel I don't have all the facts, I'll observe and form my opinions quietly on the side lines.

One thing I do know? In 07 I wanted John Howard out... I was sick of looking at him, I wanted an apology to our Stolen Gen and more than anything, I wanted change.

Well, we got it! Kevin 07 was a great outcome... change is always scary and I did shed a tear or two when poor old Johnny finally got the boot. K-Rudd (as he is affectionately known - all Aussie's must have nick names - you all should know that by now) started out on a high... He delivered the apology with grace and sincerity. He helped us shield and weather out the global financial crisis relatively unscathed....

Then it all went pear shaped. The insulation debarcle, the super mining tax, the back down on the emissions trading scheme... and things weren't looking good for our cartoonish looking PM.

Today, poor Ruddy has been ousted by the party he lead to victory. I feel sad for him... and his family. In some ways I think he's gotten the raw end of the deal. How quick we are to dismiss all the great things he acheived in his short stint as PM of this great country. He is the leader of a 'party'... it's not a one man show.

On the other hand.... Today represents great change! I couldn't be happier to finally have a women at the helm. However, I am disturbed by the circumstances... Why is it that a woman is only ever placed in the top jobs when things are crumbling around them. There are numerous examples on the table... Christine Kenneally, Carmen Lawrence, Joan Kirner. Put into positions of power to pick up the pieces just to be ousted by the public. Anna Bligh is really the only exception (go you Queenslanders). I sincerely hope Julia is an exception to the rule and a great step forward for our country.

She might have a bogan accent and red hair (pipe down you ranga haters - I'm married to one remember!) but does that have any affect on her ability to do the job... and do it well?

Go Jules! I'm expecting great things... and momentous change... for the better! You've opened the door for change... here's hoping you step through it!

Pushing the limits

2010-06-21T16:51:00.006+10:00

I know I've been a little sporadic with my blogging... to say the very least. I've been doing my darnedest to connect in the real world, so my cyber self has been laying low.

Good news is I'm feeling well adjusted... and a little more together every day. I tell you, it's been a hard slog but I'm coming out of the fog and into the sunshine. Oh... it's been hard work! Therapy and challenging myself to do re-connect. It's weird... things I'd have never have thought twice about, these days cause me my heart to race and sweat like a dirty motherfucker! Damn you anxiety!

This weekend was shit. hot! Micko and I went to the markets and had a delicious lunch in Bello, then grabbed a bunch of DVD's and chilled out all arvo with a few vodka's.

Sunday we went to a barbie... this was pretty big.   It's so strange... I've never been scared of meeting people but the isolation of the past 15 months has taken effect and I feel like a shy mouse - not the usual gregarious Karls. I find myself scared to engage socially - well, with people I don't know very well. Hiding away in my house and telling myself I can't be bothered when something social does crop up seems an easier option - it's also a cop out (now what have I told you about being nice to yourself Karls? It's not a 'cop out', it's what you've been doing to get by).

You know, I'd probably have done the same thing this weekend, but I had a really interesting 'sign'. I bought this great book called 'Spiritual Business' - as the title suggests, it's about running your business with spirituality in mind. In the pack you get the book, some aromatherapy oils and a deck of spiritual business cards (kind of like angel or tarot cards). When you need some inspiration, you shuffle the deck and pick the card that stands out to you. So, last week, while feeling a little lack lustre, I reached for the deck. I thoroughly shuffled the cards, sent out 'tell me what I need to know' vibes and pulled out 'Find a Guru'. Unsatisfied, I re-shuffled the deck and again, pulled out 'Find a Guru'.  By now, I was a little baffled and decided to try just one more time for a card that 'spoke to me' a little more. Wouldn't you fucking know it? Third times a charm... I pulled out 'Find a Guru'!

I decide perhaps the universe is trying to tell me something... but first, of course, I check the cards to see that I haven't been accidently sent a 'Find a Guru' pack. But no, there are 60 odd cards and every single one is different!

"Find A Guru: Look around you. Now that you are on this path there is someone - or an opportunity to meet someone - who can help you navigate the spiritual highway. They are out there - look for the signs and say 'yes' to every opportunity to meet new people, or ask to meet them when someone else is talking to them. You will find them, because they are waiting'.

Pretty straight forward message, right? In other words... go to this fucking barbie and take the rescue remedy if you think you might freak out.

Anyway... I'd only met the woman who was hosting this barbie the one time... and we knew no-one but her. Turned out a great day! It wasn't long before old Karls came out to say hello... and surprisingly (well to me... in my current headspace) people actually liked me.

It was well worth the initial sweat break out (thankfully - and probably as I hail from Melbourne - I tend to wear quite a bit of black so the sweat marks are virtually unnoticable). Met some really great people and was so nice to be doing something social! Plus, I reminded myself that pushing my limits is a good exercise in self discovery.  Besides... really. what is the worse that could happen?

Here is what I discovered...  The key is to turn up on time. That way you are quite likely the first people there and you'll get properly introduced to the first few dudes to arrive... thus conversation is much easier and you won't feel as overwhelmed as turning up to a full on party where you know no one but the host!

And... in other breaking news... I've been approached by the local council to act as a youth mentor - helping high school girls learn about money and budgeting (hmmmmm... perhaps they've got the wrong person - I guess I could teach 'what not to do!'). Should be fun! I'm also setting up that business women's network locally and I've got about 20-25 people interested (and that's from not really knowing anyone, so I'd say that's a great success).

You could say I'm pretty proud of what I'm achieving out there in the big scary real world... and you know what? You'd be spot on! I'm owning it... for real!

Karmic Adventures

2010-06-11T13:41:00.002+10:00

Now, I'm not about to go all hippy on your arse (although my underarm hair may beg to differ), however I am about to share with you esoteric tales of other worldly charm. (In other words, I've been indulging my spiritual self of late and am about to share with you lucky souls my experience.)

It's been an interesting journey thus far and has taken me to the far reaches of the Coffs Coast (not that far, really but sounds intriguing (right?). Beginning with a visit from a good Melbourne friend, Micko went to help some mates move and Kath and I spent the day in Bello doing girly shit... a vintage clothing fair, some of my favourite shops and then a trip to the insanely beautiful Promised Land - a place where the Never Never creek meanders it's way through the landscape (absolutely breathtaking and instantly relaxing). On the way home, I remembered there was a pyschic fair on in Coffs... so we made a detour to see what our destinies held in store.

'Twas the local 'Catholic Club'... not the first place that springs to mind when you mention the words 'Pyschic Fair'! In a dark and dingy room four psychics sat twiddling their thumbs - not a punter in sight. From a white board we chose the pyschic that stood out the most. I chose an older woman (aren't they all aging - I think it's a prerequisite for the job) who, amongst other 'abilities', mentioned 'Medium', 'Aura Readings' and 'Tarot'... that was enough for me to make a decision. Kath chose a guy... The others gave us death stares!

I took up a pew, the Pyschic started madly scribbling away with her coloured pastels on a piece of photocopied paper with the outline of a body. She pressed 'record' on her, clearly almost older than me (massive exaggeration), tape recorder. The session began...

'I'm sensing a very strong presence... Your Grandmother...'

Chills went down my spine, hair stood on end (mainly the underarm as it's so wildly out of control) and tears started to well in my eyes.

I was going to type out some of the conversation we had... but it would be so long I'd definitely lose your attention (and lets face it... it's almost as boring as hearing in detail someone else's dream - unless you're into analysing them of course - perhaps I might give that a go too).

The things she went on to mention were as random as knowing how she passed, that we'd alway drink a cup of tea together, her big warm and lovely hugs, her melting moments, the Christmas pudding, her intense dislike of the word 'Grandmother' and that she was just 'Nan', that my bro and I had been discussing going to Thailand, and that I was coming into a little money (that my folks are passing on from Nan's estate)...

Needless to say, it was a bizarre experience... whether or not her predictions will eventuate seems relatively unimportant... she helped me get one more step outside of the grief. I actually feel like a bit of weight has been lifted.

I must also keep my eye open for a man with grey hair who will share the same work ethic and integrity as I do... and watch my nether region - not in that order, and not mutually exclusive, of course!

In other news... I'm heading to Byron for the weekend and surprising the lovely Krabes with a much deserved couple of hours in a day spa - including an hour massage...

I. can't. wait!

I'll try not to piss in the pool...

but I can't promise anything!

Remember to breathe

2010-05-28T10:59:00.001+10:00

Yeah, yeah, yeah... it's been a long time between blogs. I've been busy getting my shit together, so forgive me for my slackness.

Good news is... I've not had any further public shitting experiences - perhaps a skiddie or two in the comfort of my own home.

The good news continues too... as you know, at the moment I'm in therapy (mainly for anxiety and a few residual issues - damn you Mum and Dad NB: I kidd! I kidd!)... anypsychotherapy, I've been making some real ground and I feel like I'm finally returning to myself. That is self righteous and all knowing. haha

Here is what I've discovered... The mind is like your spare room... full of useless fucking shit that you've held onto for years. Mostly they serve no purpose today, although there are a few little gems in there - some you know, some you can't find and some that you didn't even know you had.

What I'm doing at the moment is a mental spring clean... Going through the piles of crap, sorting out what I no longer have any use for (bad 90s cargo pants, a tshirt that's underarms are almost like cement, a useless belief - like you're not good enough), keeping the gold (a pair of flared jeans, some old CFM boots, work ethic or loyalty). Then I'll sit in the room, take it all in and go on one hell of a shopping spree (picking up a leather jacket, a few scarves and some look in the mirror and be stoked with what's looking back).

These pieces of shit that hang around are generally things that helped you survive (a belief or a behavior that helped you cope with your circumstances) but we tend to hang onto these long after they are required. Like a pair of pink and camo cargo pants, sometimes we can't bring ourselves to throw them out incase they miraculously come back into fashion. If that is the case (hopefully it's more than 15 years away and I'm old enough and wise enough to know that I don't need 4 different styles), go buy yourself a new pair! Seriously! Hanging onto them is pointless - isn't it. These behaviors become part of our internal dialogue and part of our personality.

There is a shitload going on in my real life at the moment (all good) and my mind (working on being all good). A busy girl must remember to breathe... and that's what I'm working on at the moment - it's much more difficult that I'd ever imagined!

I'm off to walk my dog on the road to enlightenment!

Take care bitches!

Public Poo

2010-05-18T08:15:00.000+10:00

Saturday morning we experienced a huge swell pounding on our shores. We headed down the beach for our early morning stoll to discover there was no beach... just vast expanses of very angry ocean - the area which is usually sand was drenched in sea water, but was only ankle deep. We took a walk close to the edge of the dunes... the beach was completely empty. We saw one single other living creature while almost the entire time we were down there.

On the way back, my morning shit hit me like a sack of bricks! BANG! The kind of hit that makes you jump startled with both hands grabbing for your arsehole in some futile attempt to stop the shit flying out. We were about 10 minutes walk from the car.

Just then, while all I've got my mind on is getting this demon out of my colon, I hear Micko yell out, 'Karls! Move! Karls!'. I look behind me to see a massive surge of water heading at light speed towards me. I tear up the small part of beach that's left and the water gushes up - thankfully only to just past my knees... Billy on the other hand? Well, he too had run up the beach but ended up in a dip swirling around like he was in a washing machine. Thankfully he didn't get dragged out to sea... there would have been nothing we could have done to stop him!

That took my mind off the impending borrie for around 2 minutes... Then, once again, Mr Faeces decided to rear his ugly head once more. I remembered I had a couple of tissues in my jumper. I ripped down my shorts and out he shot! I wiped carefully - as I only had the two tissues - as I was around 3/4's done, I look to my left and see a young family has come down a beach track to take some pics! Sprung!

I'm not sure what was worse...

The terrible embarrassment I felt that this family had quite likely seen me hanging a dump in public...

Or,

walking back uncomfortably to the car with remnants of shit still clinging to my ring hole!

Neither could be considered the greatest moment in my life...

although the shower I had when I got back was right up there!

Sesame Street GOLD!

2010-05-16T08:26:00.000+10:00

My little bro, Grant (who incidently is celebrating his 31st birthday today - making us, for 3 months, only 1 year difference in age) sparked some memories of Sesame Street goodness with the posting of this much loved piece of rad music by the Pointer Sisters...

And the second I played it, Micko yelled out 'Lowercase n! Lowercase n!' and I then stumbled across these couple of stirling songs.... which Micko still knew word for word. Capitol I resonated more with my memories, but Lowercase n was very familiar.

Enjoy!

I'm so lacking inspiration, that I've resorted to another photo montage! Sorry!

2010-05-13T14:35:00.002+10:00

So y'all know I was in Melbs last month for my best mate's wedding. I can finally share some of the wonderful photo's one of my great friends, Ali, took of the big day.

Check out her awesome work here: www.alisongriffiths.com

Me, Nesh and Houghy getting stuck into the good stuff.

Likely Houghy has that look on her face cause Nesh just mentioned vaginal hygiene - and her lack there of.

Now Houghy is contemplating if her vag could use some Femme Fresh before the evening is out.

Missed my calling? Those sandals are rocking that outfit!

Just wafting out the musky fresh scent to prove that I have the cleanest vag in town.

What a bunch of good looking fareeks!

Not sure why... but I always try to tongue pash ol' Houghy.

Lucky bitch got a fucking exceptional day! 27 and sunshine, mid April in Victoria? What the?

Taking a stoll down the country lane that leads to Houghy and Seeks little parcel of land - by little I'm talking 70 acres.

It's a nice day for a white wedding!

The suns sets on a glorious day!

Huh? Trying for another tongue pash? Surely I can land at least one!

If only I could reach!

Great mates! They Byron crew (missing Mangine and Me)... they put something in the water up there that makes people ridiculously good looking!

Me and the love machine...

Band on the back of a truck... that's the way they do it out in the country. Although, if I had to listen to April Sun in Cuba one more time I think my head would have spun off!

My favourite bitches in. the. world!

Linds, Mangine, The Hoff, me, Cazza and Krabes.

The end of a perfect day and a rad fun night... and the start of another day of eating my way through any fried foods I could lay my hands on!

Happy Birthday Micko!

2010-05-10T17:33:00.001+10:00

Oh yeah! It's that auspicious occassion, once again... Micko is celebrating another year gracing this planet with his cool, calm and wonderful personality!

Happy birthday Sunshine!

Photo montage time...

Me and Micko at our Melbourne farewell party.

Scuba Karls and Micko.

Snorkel Karls and Micko

Smashed honeymoon outing Karls and Micko.

Been at the club and won a shitload of meat trays and drunk a shitload of beers.

Dancing at The Hoffs wedding.

Westside Micko?

Married Micko... sorry lay-dees!

Too much blogging... not enough drinking...

Karls out!

Happy Motherfuckers Day! *kidding!!!

2010-05-07T10:00:00.003+10:00

Happy Mothers Day for Sunday Mum!

(even though she doesn't read this... and thank fuck for that! My poor Mum has put up my bullshit - especially my naughty late teen / early 20's - I look like an angel... but we all know I'm a the fucking devil in disguise! haha)

I've just returned from driving the 100km's return trip to drop Micko off at work this morning.... two super early mornings in a row? And I'm self employed? Well now, that's just weird!

One the way back, you'll have to forgive me, but I stopped in at Macca's for a drive through breakfast - Bacon and Egg McMuffin meal - includes a coffee (a McCafe coffee - just to clarify). Usually, when I get one it's way too fucking hot! I can pretty much peel the roof of my mouth off afterwards with my tongue - and I feel it imperative to also mention I grew up in a footy club so my mouth is quite used to placing burning hot things in it (and, no... I'm not referring to cock! I wasn't the club whore - just ate a shitload of smoking hot pies and straight out of the fryer chips).

I left the coffee in the cup holder that I had to ask for... damn you 1992 Camry wagon with no cup holders, central locking or electric windows (I'm kicking it old school in my shitbomb wagon - thinking a Mitsubishi Outlander with be my next major purchase - maybe before end of financial year - I gots to get me some decent deductions!).

So, I drank the coffee not 5 minutes ago... waited the whole way home so I wouldn't end up with 3rd degree burns inside my cockhole cakehole.... and I've already had my morning dump! Thank you coffee!

Already, I'm going fucking mental! I literally feel like I've choked down a couple of lines - and yes, to your horror, I do know that feeling well - please don't hate me! I'm no junky. (It has been a while, my old white friend).

I'll be lucky to get out of this morning without having eaten the insides of my mouth... or worse, with a bloody migraine!

Anycrappymcdonaldscoffee... The reason I had to drop Micko off was because we are heading up to Byron this arvo to spend the weekend with friends (and their precious little new cherub 'Liberty Grace')... and for Mothers Day (taking the Mother-in-law out for dinner).

So, I'd like to end this post with a little shout out (can you tell I worked in radio? Next I'll be offering you all 'Icey cold cans of Coke'!) to all those Mummy bloggers that fly past here... whether it's every day, or once in a while... HAPPY MOTHERS DAY bitches!

Hope you get breakfast in bed... it's the very least your husbands and little bumpers could do!

Crack of the Sparrows Arse

2010-05-06T14:11:00.002+10:00

So, this morning I woke up at 5.10 am (ARGH! soooo not a morning person), showered, chucked on some very minimal make up (I thought I'd lost my make up on the flight back from Melbourne after my best mate's wedding and was totally pissed - mainly cause of the sheer cost of replacing it all, but also because I have one favourite eyeliner pencil, that's only about 2cm long these days, that I just can't replace - but then I spoke to Houghly last night and it turns out I'd left it at her place... it's in the post today and not a day too soon. 3 weeks without make up? Nasty!)... yeah, so where was I?

Oh yeah... I headed into Coffs for my first Business Women's Networking meeting. I was very nervous... you see, I'm one of those people who is loud, obnoxious and strangely charming when I'm around people I know - I've often been referred to as 'the life of the party'. But... get me in a social situation when I know NO-ONE and I turn into a shy, wallflower with the inability to string two sentences together. I often pretend I'm busy doing something so that people won't notice me... or really, so I don't feel like such a loner loser.

I did manage to strike up a couple of conversations with some really fabulous women. Afterwards, a few of us headed out for coffee. We spoke of women in politics and business that we really admired. Then one of the women said that she'd recognised me from Nambucca. She lived in the next town north from here. She was around my lovely mother-in-law's age and had mentioned that she grew up here. Turns out... she was my MIL next door neighbour as a child! She hasn't seen her in around 60 years! Needless to say, I've already emailed MIL and I'm sure she will be very excited! What a fucking small world! (I think I just OD'd on exclamation marks)

Next on my agenda? Joining the local community radio station and sharing some of my (mostly blocked out - due to this experience) knowledge.

Grabbing life by the balls and making it my bitch, bitches! Look out!

Oh and on my blog yesterday, I shared with you those fab words... After reading one of my fav blog bitches of all time, Little Moisey at Life is Banana's comment, for some reason the Baywatch theme instantly jumped into my head and I haven't stopped singing it since... problem is, I only know the first 2 lines! Annoying! So, yeah... thanks! haha ***some people stand in the darkness... afraid to step into the light... mumble mumble.. I won't let you out of my sight! I'll be there... blah, blah, blah,.... da da don't you fear**** See I wasn't kidding! I really don't know the lyrics. Stuck in your head now?

Jands... I won a voucher at this gig and it's for a high tea. Better pack your bags again and get your super fine arse up here so we can cross that number 30 off your list (it's not the hills, so there's a small technicality)

And to Mezza... Thanks girl! You rock the casbah. I might not be a believer, but I believe in you (and value your support and prayers)!

Taking Control

2010-05-05T16:20:00.000+10:00

Yo bitches! As you know, I've been a little higgedy piggedy lately. You may remember I started seeing a psychologist for some issues and I really feel like I am making some progress of late.

I think a bit of my anxiety and depression has been caused by my isolation and I figured it was time to take charge and do something about it. Joining the local Wildlife Rescue organisation was the first step and it's working out great. I've been on the phones a few times now and I must say the first time was really fucking nerve wrecking. I'm not sure what I was afraid of... it was that intense anxious feeling you get when you're about to embark on a new job venture - when you're not really confident in your ability and feel like you're completely out of your depth.

Of course, I wasn't... after the first 24 hour shift, I realised that it's not at all as scary as I'd originally built it up to be. There's nothing like throwing yourself in the deep end!

So, one the wing of one success... I decided once again to bite the bullet and chuck myself outside of my comfort zone. I booked into one of the local business women networking groups and tomorrow, a little too early for my liking, I'm heading to my first 'meet and greet'.

Once again, the nerves are high... but to hell with it! I'm giving it a crack! If all goes well, I'm considering trying to start something a little more locally.

I'm going to leave you with a bunch of words that once passed the lips of one Nelson Mandela (originally written by Marianne Williamson)

it is our light not our darkness that most frightens us

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other
people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of
God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

____________________________________________
I feel I must mention I'm am by no means a religious person (spiritual, yes... religious, no). It actually feels a little strange to have the word God on my blog, considering I'm not a believer. This verse, however, works for me.

Wish me luck! I'm going out and grabbing life by the balls.