Bill Bailey

Couldn't help but share a few cute as pics of my furry baby...  Saturday arvo, after I'd consumed 2 bottles of champas watching the Spring Racing carnival, I got a little snap happy!

Billy and his first 'big boy' bone!

Everybody loves a front door dog (that wasn't meant to sound rude - but somehow did)

Ahhhhhh... This is why I love him so much!  Look at that lovely happy face! 

Look what Billbo found down the beach... which explains his sandy tears -  is it a finger?  is it a detachable penis?

Nah.. it's not really either - its something that came in the bone bag from the butcher...

hang. on. a. second!!!

Billy and his wounded willy...

As mentioned previously, my bro and his wife came to visit this past weekend.  All round we had a fabulous time... We drank copius beers, champas, frozen cosmo's and Pimms Royale - niiice.  We ate like Kings... Laughed like hyena's... and drank like fish.

Saturday was fantastic in some respects, shitty in others.  I'll get to the good part in another blog.  I'd gotten up around 7 and headed down the beach for a walk with Billy - thats quite rare, usually I'd be sleeping in after a night on the turps.  It was a glorious morning... sun was shining, birds singing, beach full of happy people walking their dogs, surfing, swimming or holding hands strolling along the sand.  Bill was in his element!  Running up saying hello to everyone and everything that passed by.  On the way down to the headland, we came across a guy in the shallows with a Rotti on a leash.  Although I was a little wary, Billy approached the dog, they sniffed each other and Bill kept on going... no problem!  Continuing up the beach for another 40 minutes or so, Bill taking in the sights and scents.  Me, thinking to myself, perhaps I should try to be more of a 'morning person'.  There is something really nice about starting the day off on the beach.  The colours are more vibrant, the light is softer and everything has a morning glow about it. 

As we come back, Billy spots the Rotti again... This time he's on the sand, with a guy.  Billy runs up to say hello and I don't think too much of it.  The dog went into a submission pose and I thought it probably wasn't a big threat.  Just then... bang!  The Rotti jumps onto of Billy, growling and ripping into my poor little baby!  Billy was yelping and crying and desperately trying to escape the clutches of this much bigger, and very vicious dog.  I ran screaming up the beach towards Billy - who was wriggling while making the most horrific cries for help.  He manages to free himself and runs over to me.  Then he sits there frozen and whimpering.  I check him for major cuts and he seems okay, but he just won't move.  The guy with the Rotti, has grabbed him by the leash and is holding him back while he snarls, growls and keeps jumping towards Bill.

Eventually, Billy calms down a little and he limps down the beach.  When we are a safe distance, I notice he has a few cuts and bruises on his underbelly - all around his little doodle.  But, otherwise he seems okay... Scared, but okay.  Me on the other hand... well my nerves were completely shot to pieces!  When I got home, Micko asked how the walk was, and I started sobbing uncontrollably. 


Billy recovered quite quickly... although over the past couple of days we'd noticed that his penis area was a little bit swollen.  This arvo, I dragged him down to the Vet for a check up. Also, his baby teeth don't look like falling out anytime soon, so they need to be pulled - usually done when they get the snip, but Bill was too young and didn't have his adult teeth then.  The Vet thought he might have broken his doodle bone, but thankfully it seems to be intact!  Instead, he had 2 needles - inflammatories - and has to take antibiotics for the next 2 weeks.  He's booked in on Monday for the teeth extraction.  400 bucks later and I'll have a happy and healthy pup again!

Dogs best friend can be an expensive exercise... what with the Vet bills, the stuff the destroy (luckily so far it's really only been a phone charger and a DVD from the Video shop), the food, the toys, etc, etc, etc.  But, when you look at their happy little face staring at you full of unconditional love, would you really have it any other way?

In the name of balance - pet loves

For the sake of balance I thought I should get out there my 10 pet loves... 

1. Closet hippy - not much is better than staring out at the ocean and mountains, walking through a rainforest or sitting on the ground. I can feel myself 'earth' when I do any of these things (and that is very important to a person who never knew how to stay still).   Indigenous Australians are 100% right... Australia, and our land, is a very special and powerful place. 

2. A good sense of humour, a great joke or story... and even better, laughing hysterically to the point when tears are streaming down your face and you need to have a few minutes rest to catch your breath.

3.  A good hug from a friend you haven't seen for a while.

4.  Entertaining friends at my place... putting on a good feed and drinks galore, good conversation, reminiscing and listening to great music!

5.  Catching up with friends that you might not have seen in years, but when you do, it feels like you just saw them yesterday.  Oh, and making new friends.  Especially those that you feel instantly comfortable with.  I totally believe you are a reflection of the company you keep - obviously the company I keep is fucking awesome!

6.  Family... the most important people in my life!  Mum, Dad, bro's, cousins, aunties & uncles and grandparents.  The people who make my life so fantastic - and it totally is!  Christmas day is always the best day of the year.  I love eating and drinking far too much with the people I love most.

7.  Working hard... and reaping the benefits of a job well done.  I love what I do and would continue to do it even if I won lotto and was set up for life!   I'm very lucky, but I have created my own luck.  Once you know what you want in life, it's as easy as taking the necessary steps to get it.  I look at my business and how well it's going and know that it's only because of my hard work, dedication and persistence.

8.  Summer days in the sunshine at a music festival, in the back yard, at a mates place or the deck of the Suffo, sinking a few schooies with awesome folk.  

9.  My wonderful husband, Micko, who has enriched my life greatly.  Although I know I could live without him, my life is better with him around.  Finally I found the healthy relationship I was searching for.  A mutual respect, an understanding of our differences and encouragement to be the best people we can be.  He has taught me so many things... Patience, unconditional love and balance.

10.  Billy... The newest addition to my happy life.  Billy represents all the things that make living so worthwhile.  Loyalty, contentment, cuddles, love and loads of energy.

Oh and last but definitely not least, every single person in my life, right now.  You guys complete the picture!  Each of you bring something special to the table!  You rock the casbah!

Till next time we meet... my friends!

Doggy Do's and Doggy Don'ts

The 25th July marks 32 years service on planet earth (some might disagree believing I'm from another planet altogether but I swear it's true). Usually, this auspicious occassion is celebrated thoroughly with a bunch of good mates and a shitload of piss. This year, is a little different.

Every single birthday has had a party attached to it... and oh, they've been good! This year? It seemed there'd be nothing, nilch, nada! I thought I'd be spending it with Micko at home alone. I was planning on heading up to Byron and catching up with a few mates over a few cold ones at my old local, but Splendour is on (spend a few birthdays there) so not only will it be mad busy, but a few are heading out to Belongil for what I expect will be another cracker of a year. I felt like a kid whose been told Santa doesn't exist and so Christmas takes on a different feeling... There's no real excitement to it anymore. It's sparkle fades and although the presents are great, the magic is missing.

But out of the darkness, came some light... a little bambino by the name of Billy - a bitza 4 month old beauty. Micko knows what my birthday means to me and knew I'd be a little down on the day so he organised us to get a dog! We found Billy online, he'd been taken from his Mum and left to fend for himself in the depths of winter... they doubt he would have lasted another night out there alone. We rang immediately to inquire if he was still available. The lady, from the rescue centre, told us that he was supposed to be heading down to Sydney to a family next week. However, the family rang that morning to let her know they could no longer take him on - they had moved into a unit which was not pet friendly. She was devasted and said our call was the best thing that had happened all day. So, on Saturday we take the 1 1/2 hour drive north to Grafton to pick the little fella up.

Micko and I have talked of getting a dog for the longest time and we always knew that we get one from a rescue centre or the pound - it was a given. The hardest part is, once you arrive, you want to take more than one. In fact, you want to take them all home! Even just looking at the rescue centre website, it's hard not to think too yourself 'perhaps I could take 2 or 3'. It's a little bitter sweet... you are doing your part by saving one, but what about all the other beautiful dogs waiting patiently for someone to love them. You kind of feel helpless and that you need to be doing more.

So, Saturday marks a couple of milestones... My 32nd birthday, the first without a party, and entry into the world being a responsible human being. I'm very excited to finally meet our precious practise baby!

Both Micko and I are both dog people all the way! Besides the fact that I'm allergic to cat hair, I find cats scary! Their lack of loyalty, sly nature and unexplained, sporadic attacks make me feel on edge around them. I don't like them all of a sudden running out from under the couch to attack and scratch the fuck out of my legs... in fact I hate the 'surprise' element a cat brings. Birds aren't really my strong point either! I like birds... I think they are beautiful creatures, but one incident has marred my belief in my ability to care for them.

I once had 2 beautiful canaries - Rico and Rana... They were orange in colour and lived in a blue cage. I'd feed them and change their water daily and loved them to bits. Then, my partner at the time and I moved house. I put the cage in the outside laundry (which was completely removed from the house). A week or two later, I was shopping at Carribean markets in Melbourne with one of my best girlfriends. Shopping is one of our favourite bonding exercises and we were having a great time! I even had a psychic reading - was utter bullshit - even though I had a, quite visable, gold chain with a camera charm hanging off it, she leapt into a story that involved me being a nurse!?! 

Then we walk towards the pet section and I notice the bird cages... Something clicks inside me and I feel very cold all of a sudden (I'm sure my heart stopped momentarily). Fuck!!!!! My canaries! The colour drained out of my face, I looked at my shopping buddy and said 'Oh my GOD! The canaries! I've gotta go!' and I bolted out as fast as my tree stump legs could take me. I arrived home, ran to the laundry and there were my 2 beautiful orange canaries... upside down on the floor of the cage. I started to cry... 'I've fucken killed them! I'm a murderer!' I thought to myself. Then I flew into protection mode, if my partner of the time found out all hell would break loose. He had forgotten they'd existed so I grabbed the cage and hid it behind the garage. My girlfriend rang to see what the verdict was... I told her I was a murderer and had killed them and she started to piss herself laughing. Then I did the unthinkable - I started to laugh. Man! I felt like some evil bastard, cackling at the thought of my 2 dead canaries. I've never forgiven myself... although whenever I tell the story, I always get a good laugh.


You're probably all sitting with your mouth gaping open in absolute horror at my blasé retelling of the moment I killed two innocent animals and I can imagine you're now thinking am I capable of raising a dog? Well, I am... I've had many pets throughout my life, 4dogs, a few blue tongue lizards, a couple of stumpy tails, a turtle and my 2 aforementioned birds and the birds are the only ones that ever came to harm. Now my belief, surrounding birds is, 2 birds in the bush is far better (and safer) than 2 in my hand! Let me assure you little Billy, couldn't be in better (or safer) hands! I'm going to love that little fella like it was my of my own blood. Besides... with a dog, you can't forget it's there! It just won't let you!

The Proposal

Micko and I had been dating for a few years and were seriously considering marriage - a strange feeling - I'd never really thought I would do it. We'd looked at some rings and surprisingly came accross one that Micko liked on, of all places, ebay.

*** I should probably now explain that I have an ebay addiction and have banned myself from purchasing anything for at least 3 months. Some of my recent purchases include a totally rad Rage Against the Machine t-shirt that has the RATM symbol made out of the words of 'Renegades of Funk' - AWESOME! Also, purchased a child safety gate, a little wooden guitar antique brooch, a tea cosy that looks like a knitted owl from the 70s (useless but looked cool), a well overpriced ceramic green bull (I was drunk) and the list goes on and on and on and on! I could almost write an entire installment on 'Useless Ebay Purchases'!)***

So, back to the story at hand! The ring Micko showed me was fucking awesome and I loved it to bits. As Micko is a bit of an Ebay retard I had to put in the bids and we won! We got it for an absolute steal (well I reakon anyway) and were both pretty stoked. The deal we struck, was although I had seen it online, the next time I would see it was when he proposed...... well that didn't work out cause I hounded and hounded him until one night, when we were a bit out of our brains, he caved in and showed me. The ring was then hidden away awaiting resurface on our engagement... which Micko assured me could be at anytime.

One sunny early December morning in 2005 we decided to go snorkelling. This was an activity we both loved to bits and could be seen any fine weekend bobbing up and down along the rocks on the Brunswick River.

So this particular stunning North Coast morning, we had been in the water for a couple of hours and I was starting to prune up and get very cold. I had been picking up rubbish out of the rocks near the park to put in the bin - doing my bit for the community (the drain is just for rain peoples!!!). I told Micko I was getting out cause I was fucking freezing. He said, in a nasally snorkelling mask voice, "Before you get out, come over here and check this out!". Reluctantly I swam over.... He pointed under the water. I chucked my head under and saw a piece of rubbish he was holding... part of which was disintergrating before my eyes with bits floating off here and there. I thought to myself 'So fucking what?'... then slowly my eyes adjusted properly and the piece of rubbish was actually a sign Micko had made up and wrapped in glad wrap. It said "Will you marry me?".

I started to piss myself laughing and almost drowned. As I snorted out a 'HA' the mask filled with water and so did my mouth, lungs, eyes etc. After I'd calmed down a little, he pulled the ring out of his boardshorts, which thankfully he had tied onto the strap where the board comb goes and chucked it on my finger.

We went home laughing our heads off, made a few phone calls and cooked a big fuck off breakfast! The end...

Or just the beginining?

Meeting ''The Micko' - The man, the myth!

Me and Micko on our first official 'date'... D&K's Wedding 2003 - Was going to put a Splendour photo up but they are HIDEOUS!

Back in 2003 a good friend, my brother and I headed up to Byron for a bit of Splendour action. We packed up the car and headed off up the Hume in search of a good time.

I arrived at a friends place in the Byron Hinterland late on the Friday night, after a stopover the night before in Dubbo (man, that place is a shithole). We hit the sack shortly after to recharge for what would be a MASSIVE weekend.

I woke up on the Sat morn and had a quick shower, then I got dressed in my best cords and tee and went to sit on the deck to cool down... I looked hideous! Red blotchy skin and wet long hair stuck to my head... a little like a drowned rat that had a blotchy face. At that very moment in walked "The Micko". This bit sounds like a total wankfest, but it's how I felt so I'm going to write it... The second I laid eyes on the big red I felt at ease. His big smiley face and relaxed air were intriguing and very attractive!

Off to Splendour we went... Saturday was filled with shit hot music, making new friends, taking a shit load of drugs and drinking heavily. All day I wanted to make a pass at Micko but I just didn't have the guts. At one point I hip and shouldered him thinking in my own warped way that it might make him notice me... oh it did! He looked at me like I was a total fucking weirdo!

After a day of drug fueled fun, we all jumped in a Maxi and headed back up to the property. A few slowly headed off to bed, but I stayed up sitting on the balcony talking shit to some of the guys, laughing my head off and chain smoking scoobs. Micko passed on a joint and as we touched fingers I felt a surge of electricity shoot through my body. I headed off to bed and dreamt Micko and I were together and I swear I woke up to hearing him and a mate knocking on my door (he strongly denies this ever happened). My dream felt so real that when I woke up in the morning (a little worse for wear) I was truly unsure if we had fucked or not (we had not).

So Sunday arrives too quickly... Snort a few lines and back down to Belongil we head. Another great day of bonding with new buddies and old, drinking, drugs and plenty of rock and roll. Was totally not a fan of Coldplay, but live, they really blew my mind (might have been the pills talking cause I'm still not a big fan - although a couple of songs still give me a 'shiver'). Another Maxi Taxi ride home and a sing along to Vanilla Ice.

We arrived back at the property have a bit of a bon fire, some fire twirling and other hippie shit like that, with plenty of banter about who put on the best performance... oh and talk of the nude man covered in mud, standing on top of a garbage bin with his arms out stretched like Jesus on the cross. Quite a sight! It was right at the end of Coldplay and it seemed that every single person in the tent turned around at exactly the same time to see this tripper! The coppers quickly put an end to that, crash tackling the poor nude bastard and wrapping him in a garbage bag before hauling is wet and cold arse to the cop shop. Oh and one other dude that had this killer afro... He was a pale white dude with the biggest mousiest brown afro I've ever seen (this dude would become a theme to many music festivals after that - no matter where it was : Meredith, Livid in Brissie, Splendour, Big Day Out) there he was!

So the next day, with very sore heads, Micko had to head off to take his dog (Tyson) camping. I was spewing... I'd spent 2 days wanting to have a crack but just not finding the courage to do so. As he left he gave me a kiss on the cheek and said 'Was really lovely to meet you". And that was that! We packed up the car and started the long trip home the following day.