Worst Gift EVER

Just incase you're not familiar - this Bull is wearing a bra because it has tits... and tits on a bull are useless (bulls have penises - that's they're money shot)... hence, the saying 'Useless as tits on a Bull'.

So I was doing the old blog hop and I came across one helluva funny mofo, at Steam me up, kid.

The post was about the worst gift you've ever received and it got me to thinkin'...  Hands down, without a second thought, Valentines Day somewhere in the mid to late 90s, springs to mind - it was such a forgettable gift, it seems I've forgotten the year - unfortunately not the gift.  I dated this guy, 'late 90s' (as he will be referred from here on in) for longer than I should have (no offence if you're reading this... but we both know that's true).  It should have ended on that fateful Valentines... but being a sucker for punishment, I stuck it out until I could stick it out no longer.  

I'm a big gift buyer... not big in terms of monetary value, but big in terms of thought.  Micko is the same... We often store up idea's in the brain bank from throughout the year and when it comes to Christmas or Birthday's we get something that the other really wanted (often had forgotten about) and surprise the shit out of each other.  That's just one of Micko's many endearing qualities - he puts a lot of thought into everything he does.

Late 90s was certainly no Micko!  And on this particular Valentines Day, me and 'late 90s' had been going through a rough patch - I think... I also am not too sure because the whole relationship was a rough patch and for the most part I think I've blocked it out.   

Anyways... I can't recall what I bought late 90s, but I'm sure it was fucking awesome!  He then reluctantly, sulkily, handed over his gift - not because he felt bad that his present was soooo shit, just because throughout our entire relationship, that was his persona (I'm sure it was just our relationship that made him that way and I'm sure he is much happier person these days).   

It was a card... something weird on the front (I can't quite recall what - perhaps an animal of some kind) and inside was blank... blank with a couple of stickers stuck in it, a red triangle, a blue square, a green circle and a yellow octagon.  There was nothing written in the card... not a single word.  Then he handle me a mini bottle of Midori (you know the tiny little bottles you find in a mini bar)... problem was, I hated Midori!  And he should have known that!


You know... If he's just given me the card and written something sweet in it, I'd have been really stoked. The gift aspect wasn't what I was looking for (and certainly not that fucking disgusting melon flavoured wannabe alcoholic cordial called 'Midori'!  The card alone would have been more than enough!

Surely he knew I was a beer drinker!  I'm sure he'd never seen me drink anything but beer.  It got me to thinkin', how much attention does late 90s actually pay to me.  So shortly after the card/midori episode I covered my eyes and asked 'What colour are my eyes?'  To which he sat silently for a minute contemplating... then said 'Brown?'    

Ummmmm... WRONG ARSEHOLE!  My eyes are blue!  Blue as the day I was born - about as far removed from brown as you can get.  Like I said before, I should have ended it there and then.... The me, here today, doesn't even recognise the pansy bitch I used to be.  That girl is someone who put up with way more shit than I ever could (now) and she is definitely worth another blog entry.  I'm just not sure I'm quite ready to open those drawers in my mind... just yet!