I come from the land downunder

Australia Day...  sometimes known as Invasion Day.  It's a celebration of the arrival of the First Fleet into Sydney cove 222 years ago.  The day Australia changed forever.

For me, it's a mixed bag of emotion.  I love this country with all of my heart.  I love the contrasts... the dense rainforest, the pristine beaches, the vast expanses of red dirt.  It's such a magical place.

I love the lifestyle, our laid back attitude and our love of the outdoors.  Barbies in the backyard over summer... floating around in the river or ocean... Mateship... Footy... Cricket... Vegemite... There is so much to love here and for the most part I'm an insanely proud Aussie.

The part I'm no so insanely proud?  It's history... forever marred by our treatment of those who called this land home for the 40,000 years before us 'white folk' settled here.   That, and the wankers who quickly forget that this country has been founded on immigration.  The cockheads who proudly display 'Go Home' stickers on the back of their utes.  The fuck wits who think they have more right to this place than anyone else because of their pale skin and small minded attitudes.  This is the part that causes me to be torn.

Now don't get me wrong... Australians aren't all racist freaks!  Just some... and after watching Dr Phil today, I've realised it's not just an Australian issue.  Seems the world is full of them.  That made me feel a little better.

Enough politics... now to the fun stuff!  The Q&A!

Coffee - We DEFINITELY have coffee!  Aussies drink (on average) 288 cups per year... so not only do we have coffee here, we fucking love the stuff!  We even have Starbucks (although I think they closed most of their shops here earlier in the year).

Doona -  I'm not sure what you'd call it.  I've heard the words 'duvet' thrown around a bit.  It's a casing for a quilt - like a duck down thing - although usually it just has fake foamy shit in it.  We don't do sheets and blankets so much here.  Mainly cause we are lazy fuckers.

Kangaroo - probably unlikely to kill you.  They fuck off before you get close enough.  There are twice as many 'roo's as people and they can be a real pain in the arse for farmers.  Hence, the introduction of roo to the diet.  It was reserved for dog food, but now it's practically gourmet.  As for the taste?  It's super lean, melts in your mouth (if not over cooked - must be med rare or rare) and the taste... well, there is nothing I could really liken it too.  Kind of smokey meat... consistency of a good steak.  Fucking delicious!!

Vegemite (also known as Vaginamite) - I guess it's kind of like nuclear waste that you spread on toast.  It's very tangy and you want to go super light on the spread.  If you'd like to try some, let me know.  I've got some single serve packs I can send out to you.  That is, if it can get through the postal service.  I think I remember something about Vegemite not making it into the states - I guess they think the Nuclear waste taste could quite well be actually Nuclear waste.

A Prawn - I think you guys call it a shrimp.  Sometimes we call ugly bitches with good bodies prawns.  You know?  Good body, fugly head.

Mate - Well... what can I say.  Aussie's aren't much for fluff and pomper.  We don't call people by their titles... everyone is on a first name basis.  In fact, that's not quite true, most of us are on nickname basis.  For example:  My name?  Well, it's Karly.  I hardly EVER get called that!  I get Karls, Karlsy or Nimms (an abb. of my last name).  Micko?  Well, he is Michael... so it's automatically Mick - the 'o' is just something we add.  John - usually Jono or Jack.  Gynaecologist... well it's a gyno.

While I'm on the topic of language... mostly we speak in questions... not literally questions but we generally finish every sentence in an upward inflection - like a question.

And finally... Cheese?  Well it's a light yellow or creamy colour... but not orange... DEFINITELY not orange!

Congrats on making it to the end of the longest. post. ever!  It's unAustralian to have worked so hard on one job.  Time to go have a coffee and some vaginamite on toast.

Hooroo!  See ya round like a rissole, bitches!

Post Script:  I can't believe I almost missed the most important part of Australia Day (although this year was the first year I didn't really get into it - music seems to have been really lame this past year)... The Triple J Hottest 100.  An Australian institution!  The biggest music poll in the world is counted down every Australia day (or so JJJ claim - although they have no reason to lie... last year there were 1.1 million votes).  Usually involves beer, beer, beer, radio cranked, some form of pool.