Hens Horror

My success with Hens nights is limited.  Many, many moons ago one of my best mates was married. We were in our early 20s - they got together when she was just a underage 16 year old drinking it up at the local (classy establishment with green carpet covered in cherries). 

Anyways... Fe is (or was) an avid John Travolta fan.  So we decided to organise a John Travolta stripper.  We wanted a fat-o-gram but at the time there was apparently no male fat-o-grams working in the Melbourne area - what a shame!  After many calls, one woman suggested a Mr. Puny.  Of course, I enquire 'what the fuck is Mr Puny?'  She said he was one of her best strippers and he was, as the name suggested, very small.  Comically the opposite of what we were after - it was daft enough it might just have worked!  I booked Mr Puny and requested he dance to 'Stayin' Alive' dressed as John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever.

Mr Puny shows up quite late... He also looks (and smells) as though he picked up his clothes from a dumpster and hasn't had a shower in about three months.  His outfit is NOTHING like John Travolta - in fact the only thing he got right was Stayin' Alive (which, come to think of it, we likely brought along). 

No one is laughing... everyone has their jaw dragging on the floor in horror as this disgusting man drunkedly saunters towards Fe (who is now sitting in a chair shaking with fear).  Just as he reaches her, and starts to 'dance' around her, Fe starts bawling.  She is screaming 'Get him away from me!' and crying.  We stop the music and tell him to leave immediately. 

Fe was clearly scarred from the horrific event that unfolded before her... and I felt fucking terrible as I was the one who had organised him to come (oh and I should mention we paid $250 for the pleasure - which we didn't get back, but were told we could get another stripper another night - yeah, cause the first one worked out so well - perhaps we could get one for the wedding?)

As Fe started to calm down a little, a few of us sneaked into the bar and found a Bucks Night (how is it whenever you are on a Hens there is ALWAYS a bucks around?).  We told the guys we'd give them $50 if they'd strip for us.  What a bunch of night savers!  They happily obliged... and they were a pretty good sort! 

So, yo!  I need your help!  As you can see... I've not had much success with the old Hens.  and it's my best mates Hens night this weekend.  Got any ideas for games or activities that aren't super lame - like the toilet paper wedding dress shit... argh!

Spoiler alert!

I'm really hoping my little G child don't read my blog.  She has no idea I'm actually flying down for the event.  Knowing my luck, today is the day she decides to head on over and read up. 

Motherfucker!