Office Dares

Got an email today that had almost need to change my grundies!  Usually I don't pass these things on, but I couldn't resist...

Although, it wouldn't work so well in my 'office'... makes me want a proper job (for all of half of a half of a half of a second).

Office Dares

One Point Dares

 1. Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.

 2. To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.

 3. Leave your fly open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way".

 4. Walk sideways to the photocopier.

 5. While riding in an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

 6. When in elevator with one other person, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn't you.

 7. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy..."

 8. Don't use any punctuation.

 9. Interrupt your conversation with someone by giving a huge dejected sigh.

 10. Use your highlighter pen on the computer screen.

Three Point Dares

 1. Say to your boss, "I like your style", wink, and shoot him with double-barrelled fingers.

 2. Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.

 3. Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

 4. Every time you get an email, shout ''email''.

 5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has got over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

 6. Keep hole punching your finger. Each time you do, shout, "dagnamit, it's happened again!". Then do it again.

 7. Introduce yourself to a new colleague as "the office bicycle". Then wink and pout.

 8. Call I.T. helpdesk and tell them that you can't seem to access any p*rnography web sites.

Five Point Dares

 1. At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).

 2. Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.

 3. For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Dave".

 4. Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two".

 5. When you've picked up a call, before speaking finish off some fake conversation with the words, ''she can abort it for all I care''.

 6. After every sentence, say 'Mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in: "The report's on your desk, Mon." Keep this up for one hour.

 7. In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!"

 8. At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again!"

 9. Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."

 10. Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit; smash each biscuit with your fist.

 11. During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.

 12. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

 13. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

 14. Sign or pp all letters with your initials and a swastika.

 15. Dry hump the photocopier. When someone spots you, stop and cough embarrassingly, then lean in to the machine and whisper loudly, "I'll see you tonight".

Too good not to share in this rainy Friday arvo - when beer o'clock can't seem to come around quick enough!

PS.  I have been known to do the 3 point dare - No. 1 on occasion (to my boss... being myself... in the mirror) but don't hold that against me!

Busy Thai-mes ahead!

So much exciting stuff going on... studio is looking good - getting carpet down in a couple of weeks - then it's finito!

Also, sometime ago, I mentioned I'd been to see a psychic and that she mentioned my bro, starting with D, and I had been talking about a trip to Thailand.  She told me it would happen...

And, guess what?  It has... finally! 

We booked and paid last Friday and it's all systems go!  My bro, his wife, Micko and I are headed to Bangkok for a couple of nights, then off to Koh Samui for about 10 days.  My bro is in the final stages of finishing off his PHD so this is going to be a big celebratory trip - and perhaps a 'making babies' trip (not between me and my bro - you sick, sick fuckers). 

Micko and I have not had a proper holiday (a short trip to Melbs is not what I consider a 'holiday') since our honeymoon - which is now over 4 years ago.  I'm soooooo ready to get away - I'll still be taking work with me... but that's cool... should be fairly minimal (although it never seems to work that way).

What else have we got on?  Well... going to Sydney to see Muse in a few weeks... got 5 rad bitches heading up to the Gold Coast to spend the weekend with me - look out!  A 30th, Christmas (the first at our place with Micko's family), New Years (with my cousin from Perth and Crazy Times Mel), two Melbourne weddings... then jetsetting off to Thailand the first week of March.  Busy times! 

Things are certainly good in my neck of the wood.

Peace bitches!

Dr 'Black Dog' Jekyl and Mr 'Black Dog' Billy

I've been hearing this song a bit lately.  Lisa Mitchell is one of my guilty pleasures.  Not that she's at all embarrassing... not like BROS (my first cassette) or Taylor Dayne - Can't Get Enough of Your Love (my first CD single).  It's just that Micko doesn't buy into her at all - or any kind of folky music.  So, I'm left to listen to her in my own time and own space - like driving my car, or while he's at work.

Anyways... I like it because it sums up in a song where my head space has been over the past year.  Thankfully, I have managed to kick the old black dog away and now, next time it comes creeping into my backyard, I'll be better equipped to recognise and deal with it.

What I have noticed throughout this journey is that so many people don't get it at all.  They want to make excuses for you.  They can't believe 'you' could suffer from depression. They have no concept of how you could be functioning at all... Why aren't you crying all the time?  Why aren't you in bed all day?  

And I get that... I think at some point I may have even been looking at things from their perspective.

Coming out the other side, I've also noticed how all encompassing depression really is.  At the depths, and after being diagnosed, it was all I could think about, all I could talk about.  I was totally in it... and it was all around me.  Nothingness, numbness, confusion and sadness (if I could break through the nothingness, numbness and confusion).

See, for me, the worst part is not being in control.  The black dog decides itself when it's ready to move on.  The choices you make do help it on it's way... but you can't just magically make it disappear. 

Countless hours on the therapists couch, the support of the people I love and a little hard work did the trick.  I can feel again... happiness and sadness.  Emotion truly is a great gift.  A gift I won't be taking for granted any time soon! 

It is true what they say... in order to feel the highs, you have to have known lows.  I'm not at all saying 'you have to suffer from depression to understand what happiness is'.  Not at all (in fact, in it, I knew neither sides of the coin) - but you definitely need to experience sadness in order to recognise happiness. 

And for me, now I know that the lows kick arse over the nothing at all.  These days I'm not supressing my emotions for anyone... I now believe that people should be encouraged to cry, not have to apologise for it. 

Because what it boils down to is... if you can't cry...  you can't laugh either.

Hate breeders

As you should all know by now, my pet hate is racism.  It disgusts me on sooo many levels.

I don't know many racists... or, if I do, they tend to keep their mouths shut around me (and for good reason - I'm like a fucking lion with a dart in it's paw)... maybe I live in my little bubble of acceptance, rainbows and unicorns - and when I say acceptance, I mean of all people regardless of colour, sex, religion or sexual persuasion - oh except of course racists - but I'll delve more into this later.

Anyuneducated bogan... I'm aware that I'm likely no better than these people with their small minded views.  Perhaps I'm making assumptions... perhaps they are good people, with good hearts... that just dislike people purely based on their skin colour or language (yes... although I'm serious there is a slight twang of sarcasm there). 

Last night, while perusing the corners of facebook, a 'friend' (or rather a guy I went to high school with who added me with a 'you might not remember me...' note attached) updated his status with the following, and I quote;

'At work and playing spot the aussie and guess what i cant fucking find 1 we have england india chinese italian cyprus and thats just 2 name a few we shouldnt be called australia we should be HALF BREED CITY its not like im a racist but when they talk in there own language it pisses u off speak ENGLISH 4 crying out loud'

Fab grammar, English and punctuation there!

I find myself wondering whether he, in fact, uses English as his first language? 

Regardless... that. is. despicable!!! 

I found myself shaking uncontrollably - from anger and disgust.  Is this not 2010?  I had no concept that people like this still existed. 

I made a comment that I thought it was a backwards and racist thing to say... that at some point we were all immigrants to this country and at the end of the day we are all made of skin and bone, we eat, breathe and shit... and for that I was hung from the cross and crucified by the 'racist bogan brigade '(a good mate of mine said 'romper stomper debating team'). 

Afterwards, I spoke to one of my best mates, who is a teacher.  She was just as horrified as I... she told me a story of one of the students at her school (we are talking primary school here).  A young Tongan boy, who has moved around quite a bit from school to school.  He told one of the Sudanese boys to 'Fuck off, n-word'.  For which my mate give him a solid talking too.  He later says, 'I hate Asians... My Dad hates Asians... I don't even like them looking at me, makes me feel sick'.

Is that the kid, of 10 years old, talking? 

Absolutely not!  They are his fathers words... his fathers beliefs. 

Unfortunately... racists breed racists. 

As a child, although disturbing, it's not the childs fault.  They only know what they know... they know what they are taught. 

As an adult...  At what point do you access your beliefs and take responsibility for your actions? 

I've been doing this myself over the past few months.  Asking myself, is that my voice I hear in my head?  Or is it someone elses?  Does this serve me today?  Do I still need that belief or am I better off without it?

This person/these people, need to take a good long hard look at themselves.  How would they like their children to be persecuted for the way they look, the way they speak, what they eat, who they pray too? 

What makes one person better than another? 

(note; the irony of this statement is not lost on me - but I do have an answer...)

The answer... in my humble opinion;

Humanity, understanding and tolerance.