Before we get into 'useless shit I've bought - part 2' I need to share something with you about my morning so far.
Today, I'm filling in on the phones for the wildlife volunteer service... So, I take the phone over this morning at 7.30am. I grab my log book, home phone and mobile in one hand and head down stairs to my office with a cup of coffee in the other.
As I go to close the door, my mobile slides right of the log book and 'SPLASH!!!' - straight into Billy bucket of water! ARGH! As I'm a prisoner in the house until 5 tonight (when I hand the phone over) there is nothing I can do. I rang Telstra to see how long I've got left in my contract and, poo poo to me, it's stlll another 11 months off. So that means, I either have to buy a new phone or pay out the contract $377! (another useless purchase - well, now that it's been thoroughly drenched!)
I rang Telstra and got onto this dude to see how I could divert the mobile phone number to my landline. He spent about 10 minutes trying to look it up and explain it - I'm sure he was a stubby short of a six pack. Anyway, the edited convo, goes a little something like this:
Me: I just fucked my mobile phone by dropping it in a bucket of water so it's cactus. I need to divert my calls to my landline... but I don't have access to my mobile anymore so I need to be able to do it all on my landline handset.
Slowy: Okay... just hold for five fucking hours while I try to sort something out (yeah... he didn't really say that). **** Insert Hold Music**** Okay, you press **61** the phone number **... oh wait! you press **61**the phone number, then hash, then 25. Ummmm. No, you press **61 the phone number then 25, then hash.'
Me: So, I press **61** then the phone number - which phone number? The mobile phone which is now dead, or the land line number?'
Slowy: The mobile phone number. Oh... I mean, the land line number. Ah? Nah, nah.. the mobile number. Thats the one you want to divert, right?
Me: Yeah. So **61**my mobile number, 25 and #.
Slowy: Yeah... then you press send.
Me: Send? I'm a little confused? What button is the send button?
Slowly: You know, the send button!
Me: Sorry... I'm not sure what you're referring to. What is the send button? I'm not on the mobile... I'm on a land line. I don't think my landline handset has a 'send' button.
Slowy: Oh! You're on a land line? I thought you were on the mobile?
Me: Nah dickhead (okay I didn't say dickhead - you got me)... I dropped my mobile in a bucket of water, remember?
Now back to our regularly scheduled program...
Case Study 2: NB: In this scenario I was completely sober.
We were doing up the spare room - and thank fuck for that - the blue and yellow moon theme were giving me cerebral damage.
I went to Spotlight as I thought I might get all crafty. Mistake!
I ended up walking out with $174 worth of material, canvas, ribbons, buttons, glue gun, felt and so on... which to this day I still haven't used.
Oh... sorry! I have.... I made this fucking ugly as a hat full of arseholes lamp shade!
Smoking Shell man totally steals the limelight.