My darling Jandy did a beautiful post on lessons she's learnt throughout her life... I even got a mention - thanks lover!
2. Jumpsuits (b) (yeah - I love jumpsuits) - always check that your not actually sitting on part of your outfit when you take a wee after 2 bottle of champas. It's disasterous and quite difficult to explain why your back is saturated and perhaps a little on the pongy side!
3. A sanitary pad does not replace a trip to the toilet - it's not a nappy people!
4. Keep mouth shut when your dog sniffs another dogs privates - elderly women do not appreciate 'Dog 69er' jokes.
5. Wear sunscreen... Not only does it help combat premature aging, but it also hinders a brazen red and white cleavage... and lets face it, nobody likes a lobster - unless they make a fabulous frozen Cosmo.
6. On special occassions - you should really attend to those outta control 'koala ears' prior to flashing your box at people. While you might find koala's soft and cuddly - the reality is they are generally quite scary and aggressive animals with chlamydia.
7. A jumbo bag of white choc raspberry bullets does not make menstrual pain go away... it does, however, make your jaw feel like you've been gutsed on the disco biccies at a 2 week long rave. You'd think I learn - but I do it ev.ery. month!
8. Test the waters when meeting new people. Hold back - at least for 5-10 minutes. Keep in mind that some people aren't quite sure how to take stories about shitting yourself in public.
9. Who am I kidding? Jump right in... if you're not a nasty bitch and what you're saying isn't going to hurt anyone's feelings, don't feel you have to apologise for or hinder your outlandish behavoir. Go for it!
10. Sometimes less is more... prime example; this post!