The Search...

I'm a MASSIVE planner.  I always had a 5 year guide laid out (mainly centered around my career) and besides a little detour (when I went back to work in photographic retail... cause it's so easy to work 50 hours a week and concentrate on building your own business at the same time... NOT) I've pretty much alway hit the mark.  

Was it because I put it out there so the universe could steer me in the right direction?  Was it because I'm like a dog with a fucking bone when I want something?  Was it the old 98% perspiration, 2% inspiration rule?  Was it visualisation?  I think it was a combination of all of these... and probably more.

I love what I do... For those not in the know, or are new to these parts, I'm a Voice Over artist.  I run a fabulous business, Killer Kopy, which started out as a little writing business, but turned into a voice over monster.  I have about 15 talent now on the books and the best editor in the world as my trusty sidekick. And business?  Well, it's fucking great!  

So... why the search?  I hear you ask.

If it ain't broken, right?

I guess I like testing myself... getting too comfortable makes me feel lazy and bored.  I get complacent and end up in a bit of rut.  I end up resenting the job, the person, myself.  I don't feel like I'm living life to the full... that I'm letting it pass by... and that I'm no longer growing.  I like personal growth.

  I like to be moving... but I'm slowly learning to appreciate being still (hence, allowing the universe to show me the way, not hunting down my future like a tiger does it's prey).

I'm always looking to be challenged... it makes life very interesting (and it's a big reason I managed to overcome the depression and crippling anxiety I suffered over the past 18 months or so).  And now that I'm through probably the toughest tunnel I've made way through to date, I'm out the other side... standing in the sun and ready to become the very best I can be... personally, mentally and spiritually.

I also feel like there is more I'm supposed to be doing... not too sure what exactly that is, but I'm certainly keen to find out.  I'm looking for new ways to grow and learn... 

For me, putting this challenge out to the universe... asking it to show me where I am supposed to be, and what I am supposed to be doing (and then acting on it) is a really daunting task.  I'm a control freak of the highest order!  So, letting go is a real challenge.

Although, something about this all feels right... my instincts are telling me I'm headed in the right direction.

At the end of the day, we can follow our head or our heart...

but when both are urging you on?

It has to be destiny.

P.S; I know this is quite a heavy read for a Friday morning.  I haven't lost my funny... it's sitting in about 3 other drafts I've started on this inspirational morn.  I'll have another coincidence for you come Monday... the outcome is going to reveal itself to me today.  In the meantime, I must go shave my arm pits before you all start to think I've turned into a crazy reclusive hippy.

All quiet on the coincidence front...

The last couple of days have been all quiet on the coincidence front... So, I thought I'd share with you something totally out of character that I did the other day.

I had, what I thought, was a point blank straight forward coincidence.  Gorgeous, sunny Mid North Coast day (love Autumn in this part of the world... sublime) and I'm walking Billy down the V-Wall (see pic below for it's indescribable charm)...

(Told you it was charming - was looking for a shot where you can see that all the rocks have been painted by people but seems I don't have one handy... boo to me!)

...all of a sudden, perhaps spawned on by a name painted on a rock, the name 'Eden' pops into my head - immediately followed by 'Eden Gaha'.

Now, for those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about... Cast your memory back (if you are of a similar vintage) to around 1992-1994 and a little show on the ABC called 'Vidiot' - a childrens trivia show (yeah... I was a slow developer... especially considering I was 15-17 years old).  Eden was the host... and a bit of spunk to boot.

The name, and the memory floats on and I continue along my walk and further on, with life as usual.

Until, that is, a day or so later.  I'm sitting in front of the box, eating my lunch, channel surfing when I stumble across the celebrity version of The Apprentice.  So I ate, and watched, and before too long the credits start to roll.  I'm about to grab the remote, turn off the TV and get back to work when whose name should pop up on the screen?  Executive Producer - Eden Gaha.

I just found this little snipet of an interview from a couple of years ago... enjoy!

Seeing this as a coincidence, I quickly ran downstairs and googled 'Eden Gaha', his IMDB page came up, which had a link to his facebook page. Having just written the I'm a dickhead post.. I thought I'd take a bit of my own advice and follow this up.

So, what did I do?

I facebook messaged him of course!  I gave him the run down... the whole 'you don't know me, but...' scenario.  Totally out of character!  I mean I'm a person who pushed my boundaries the other day by (instead of running to the supermarket to buy some Gravox) knocking on the next door neighbours to politely ask them if they could spare a tablespoon. So, this was no small feat.

The bad news is... I've not heard back from Eden and he is likely to put out a restraining order on me (as I also sent him a second message with a link to my blog to prove I'm not a stalker and I'm just a regular human -as most stalkers do).  Hey, the Universe gave me his name (twice) so I had to follow up.

The good news is... I don't feel like a dickhead (and perhaps the lesson to be learned). 

Breakthrough!

So, Eden, if you are reading this... thanks for stopping by.  And thanks for inadvertantly helping me overcome the dickhead syndrome.  If you can think of any other lessons, opportunities or reasons that the Universe might have sent me your way and vice versa, please do let me know.

No coincidence... just a talented bro.

This is no coincidence...

 Although perhaps it will be for one of you out there reading this? 

You never know your luck in a big universe... or a big city... say, for instance, Melbourne. 

Speaking of all things Melbourne... My bro, Grant, is quite the talented artist... He certainly is one of those admirable and charismatic folks following their personal legend.

Tonight, he has a new show, 'THIS IS WOVEN PIPER: PAINTINGS FOR THE FUNNEL', opening at Anna Pappas Gallery in Prahan.  Exhibition open through to May 7.

If in the area, do drop in and check out his AMAZING work. 

Now I'm feeling the creative urge... might have to crank out the acrylics myself.

Howard the Duck's guide to enlightenment...

Last weekend Micko and I drove up to Coffs to do some shopping.  We stopped for lunch at a club and on a plasma next to our table 'Harry and the Hendersons' DVD was playing.  Neither Micko or I had seen the movie in over 20 years... We got to talking about other movies we remembered from our childhood.  First to spring to mind was 'Howard the Duck'.

You could be easily forgiven for thinking this is Macauley Culkin in a duck costume - the acting ability is of similar standing.

Yesterday, after a full day of swimming, gardening, walking the dog and cleaning, we plonked our arses on the couch to see what was on the box.  What do you know?  Howard the Duck is on... and it's the opening credits.  Coincidence?  

I'd told Micko that Howard was a rude, deviant and terribly horny duck... and that it was probably not really appropriate viewing for a 10 year old - not my folks fault (we watched it in the annex of a friends caravan at Bonnie Doon -  I know, I know... How's the fucking serenity).  Watching it all these years later, he actually wasn't that much of a deviant, he wasn't rude, or particularly horny...  it was, however, a TERRIBLY awful film!  If you haven't seen it, I probably wouldn't bother wasting 90 minutes of your life.

The real question here is did Howard have a message for me... besides a reminder to never watch this film again?

((I'm about to give you a blow by blow description of the storyline.  Be thankful I'm saving you an hour and half of your life - go use it to follow your dreams.  Although the following lacks the incredible (exaggeration) special effects and bad acting, the storyline is much more succinct (and that might say a lot!).))

Well... the basis of the film is an evolved duck arrives here by chance after an explosion at a science lab transports him from his planet to a dark alley in Cleveland.  He meets 'Beverley', a singer in a band who believes they are headed for big things... but are stuck playing dingy pubs for no money due to a dodgy manager they can't escape.

After saving Beverley from muggers and her dodgy manager, she takes Howard home and they get to know each other a little better.  Howard mentions that he has recently given up his 'pipe dream' and taken a 'real job' as an advertising copywriter.... It's not at all fulfilling, but he's been told by everyone around him 'it's time to grow up, Howard'.   

Howard then says... 'Sometimes I still get the feeling there's some kind of special destiny waiting for me'... To which Beverley replies, 'Howard!  That's it!  Maybe that's why you're here?  I believe there are no accidents in the universe.  Maybe you are here for a greater purpose.  Some kind of cosmic cause.'

(My ears prick up!  Maybe this is the answer.. maybe it will point me in the direction of my 'personal legend', my purpose.)

That cause?  Well, durh!  To save Planet Earth from the Dark Lords of the Universe.   

Man!  I hope all of life here on earth isn't completely reliant on me defeating an evil Jeffrey Jones (with a bad make up job and a worse perspiration problem) on a ride on laser.  

Or perhaps, it's some kind of metaphor (thank you Media Arts University Degree - I knew Film Theory would come in handy one of these days).  Perhaps these Dark Lords are actually part of every one of us... maybe they represent self doubt... or speed bumps on our road to self discovery... checking if our resolution, self belief and will is strong enough to pass the tests the universe throws our way.

At one point in the film, everything seems waged against his success... not only is the Dark Lord after him, so too are the Cops and, to make things even more unsurmountable, it's duck hunting season.  It seems good old Howard can't catch a break... if all this wasn't bad enough, he is in a small aircraft with one of the 'good scientists' (Tim Robbins) - but due to his 'evolution' he can no longer fly.

Tim yells to Howard, 'Fly, Howard!  Follow your instincts... Trust your birdness!  Fly!' 

He saves the planet by not only flying, but by sacrificing being able to return to his own... He starts a new life, with Beverley, and ends up (although being on a completely different planet) being exactly where he wants to be... doing exactly what he wanted to do.

So... the moral of the story?

Well... I'm sure that will present itself fully in the future... but right here, right now?

*If you don't have your own wings... perhaps you can make some (a metaphor; don't focus on what you lack... but what you possess).

*Don't let others decide when you should 'grow up and get a real job'.

*Crimping your hair, was always, and will always be a drastic waste of time.

*Pipe dreams are there to be followed - as too are instincts.

*Detours don't necessarily deviate you from your path forever... you are always where you need to be.

*Perhaps my 10 year old self had some good idea's about what she wanted to be... but she had shithouse taste in movies!

Till next time... 

Always trust in your birdness!

I'm a realllll dickhead.

I'm still in a relative state of shock... and after much internal debate about life, death and everything inbetween, I've come to the conclusion that if and when my time is up, I'd like to have lived my life as Jonno did.  Without regrets... and with a huge set of balls (I mean that figuratively as I'd never actually seen his balls - he'd get a laugh outta that... we once joked about trading his fabulous website design skills for 'sexual favours').

Today... I searched through the garage and found some of my old school journals - I'm yet to go through them properly... although I did come accross something that was quite clearly titled 'When I Grow Up'.  Could you be more obvious universe?

 In a brief summary it said 'I want to be a dancer, but I lack confidence and believe that people with think I'm a dickhead, so I'll just think about it for now' (note; I have paraphrased - I didn't use such words as 'dickhead' back then - well, I did but outside of my parents ear shot).

On that note, and on the theme of 'looking like a dickhead', a similar theme popped up yesterday.  I had quite a vivid dream that one my brother's exe's was calling me on my mobile (an absolutely gorgeous girl... the type you envy - stunning on the outside and just as gorgeous on the inside).  It was so real that I actually got up to check if I'd had a missed call on my phone.  As I'm following up on my 'coinkydinks' I decided to let her know - quite random as we've not had a lot of contact in the many years since she and my bro broke up.

She told me that she had been in the area and had even stopped in town for the night, but couldn't find accommodation.  She thought about facebooking me, but decided against it because she'd thought it would have seemed 'weird stalker' like.  Of course, I'd never have thought that... I would have LOVED her to stop by.  We could have set up the spare room and drank cocktails on the deck till dawn (well, maybe around 11.30 cause that's kind of my limit these days).

So, what was the message?

Don't be hindered by what other people may think, perhaps?

I do this kind of thing ALL. THE. TIME!  What opportunities am I missing and what great people are passing me by because I'm scared of putting myself out there?

I've lived most of my life not doing things because I've been worried about not being good at it... because I'd look like a try hard... because I didn't want to be a burden on people...

Basically, I've lived life trying to avoid other people coming to the conclusion that I'm a real dickhead.

Whose belief is that?  Theirs?  Or mine?  (hypothetical - don't answer that one)

Now, don't get me wrong... I'm a character all of my own.  Some say I'm a little 'out there', and I'd agree to a certain extent - hell, not everyone admits to taking a bog on the beach. 

But with every passing year, I've gotten more and more precious... and more and more concern with others thoughts - and not my own.

So I'm doing something about it...

Stay tuned for tomorrow...

When I make a right dickhead of myself!

A stark reminder...

Life sure is fleeting... There is no better reminder than a super talented young dude, with his entire fabulous life ahead of him... gone... suddenly!

An old employee of mine, Jonno, was one of those special people who were following their personal legend.  He was living life without limits... so much so it was contagious.  Travelling the world, indulging in his outstanding talents, absolutely loving life and living it to within it's last breath.  

 Unfortunately, for this world, he took his last breath today.

A very stark reminder that we are here for an indiscriminate amount of time... any breath could very well be our last. 

I'm so glad to have shared the same path as he - albeit briefly.  He was someone you aspire to be like... 

I wish I'd taken the opportunity to tell him how inspirational he truly was.  

But... life is fleeting.

I won't make the same mistake again.

Rest In Peace - Jonno Howell.  

Loved your work... quite literally!

Childhood dreams

Another coinkydink that has come to my awareness over this past week or so...

Everything I come across  - books, websites, film, TV, people I'm running into - are all indicating that as a child we know what we are here for.  

I've always believed this... My folks were really good at encouraging us to be what we wanted to be.  That if we wanted something badly enough, and were willing to take risks and work hard to get it, it could - without a shadow of a doubt - be ours.

My brothers are both exactly where they are meant to be.  They are following their childhood dreams.  My youngest bro was always obsessed with reptiles... My folks encouraged his interest and, as a result, we had a number of lizards living with us.  The other bro was handed a gift... He is an AMAZING artist and he has always feed his gift.  This month he is on the front cover of the Art Guide, has a show coming up in Melbourne and is self publishing a book.  Inspirational!  Both of them!  

Me?  Well, I can't really remember what I was going to be.  So, I spoke to my folks about it.  They, like me, remember that I wanted to be lots of things.  I wanted to be a famous dancer, have a dance school, be a famous singer.  I wanted to change the world - I'd stand in the front yard, lay my toys out on a table and sell them to raise money for the Children's Hospital... or pick Nanna's lemons and sell them door to door.  I wanted to be a children's author.  I wanted to be a star on Young Talent Time.  I wanted to be a teacher.  I wanted to be a photographer.  I wanted to work on radio.  I wanted to make music.  

I guess, I wanted to entertain.  I'd always said that my bro, D, was the intellect... G was the artist... and I?  Well, I was the communicator.  

I know, in some boxes in the garage, I have a bunch of old journals from my childhood.  So, I'm going to go through have a read and get back in touch with my inner child. 

But that will have to wait until I transform myself back into a child - I'm getting a fringe cut!  After much debate, and many years, I finally decided to bite the bullet - for fucks sake, girl, it's just hair!
No doubt I'll look much like my 5 year old self!

I know!  I know!  I haven't aged a day... (bwahahaha)

Even back then I was a creative little spark.

Will let you know what reveals itself!

P.S... If you are here... head on over here (Karlosophies facebook page).

Personal Legend

I'm still buzzing with anticipation... lots of idea's are running through my brain.  I know, with a sense of internal certainly, that big things are on the horizon.  There is change in camp Karls and it's just around the corner.

I'm a big believer in coincidence - or synchronicity - although life has been so crazy the past couple of years I've not really been looking, or listening for these clues.  

Recently, something shifted and I'm back in the game.  The astrologist, the psychic, the chance meeting of someone who steered me in the direction of Kate Forster (the author of the fabulous Spiritual Business), the same Kate Forster coming to speak at Coffs BWN, picking up a couple of books that 'spoke' to me and all of them centring around intuition, coincidence and destiny, being told by numerous sources that 'if you head in the direction of your destiny, the whole universe conspires to give you a leg up'... All clues that I'm heading in the right direction - although still not quite sure of the destination.  Only time will tell.  If it's in my destiny, I'm now in the right place to find it.

Ye ol' blog has been a little neglected of late... and for a number of reasons - I've lacked the inspiration to put words to screen... I've not really felt I've had anything 'blogworthy' happen and even if I have, I've lacked the motivation to sit here and share... Perhaps I've even thought life has become a little boring and mundane (certainly not anything anyone would be interested in reading - I mean, seriously, who wants to read about Saturday nights in and reading in bed at 8.30pm).  

What I have realised this morning, is that I'm not here to blog for anyone else's sake... I'm not here to blog for comments, or followers (a word I'm not a big fan of, I must say).  I'm here to be me... and to share my experience in the hope that part of it might speak to someone on the same path as I.

So, this blog is undergoing a costume change.  I've decided it's going to be a journal of travels, incidents and coincidences throughout the pursuit of my personal legend....  

and you'll be the first to know when I work out exactly what that is!

Stay tuned enlightened souls!