Voice of Reason

Warning; this is going to quite likely be a rambling mess (for which I will not apologise -good girl Karls). My thought process is quite lengthy and very complex in these types of situations and I usually end up thinking way too much.   Thus confusing the heck out of myself - and now, probably you too.  

Also, this was a post I meant to publish last week but Blogger kept on fucking up.  It also didn't save a few of the changes I made - now I can't really be fucked going through and changing it, so I'm just going to hope it makes sense and hit publish. Doh!

Back to the story at hand...

Micko truly is the shit.  He knows just how hard I am working at bettering myself and he is being beyond supportive.  Sometimes the guy knows what to say exactly when I need to hear it.

Take just now for example...

It's a friends birthday and I got text today (well, it was sent last night... but I just discovered it now - totally my style... I'm famous for the delayed response) asking if we wanted to join them for dinner.

I'd have loved to join them... but a week or so ago I commited to going to an Angel Healing Guided Meditation.  And when I check in with myself, I really do want to go.  I think it will be good for me.

Usually I would have dumped the meditation and gone to the dinner - primarly due to a sense of obligation. 

The old me would have gone because I'd be really worried that the birthday girl would be offended if I didn't go.  That she would think I didn't like her... that she would worry that she had done something to offend me... that she would ponder why I thought the meditation was more important than her birthday dinner.... and that she would think I was selfish.

This is the thought process that happens when I feel like I'm letting someone down.  And it's a much longer process and much more painful to me that that paragraph portrays. I end up feeling super anxious, nervous and a wave of nausea usually sweeps over me.  I feel shaky and just horrible all over.  And I always end up doing whatever it is, even if it's not really what I want to do.  

However, when I'm on the recieving end  I don't feel any of these things.  I just accept that they have something else to do - there could be a gazillion reasons they aren't coming but none of them really concern me - I go ahead and enjoy my birthday dinner. 

How strange that I should assume that peoples concerns or reactions would differ so vastly from my own.  Why should what I do be governed by these imaginary concerns/opinions/reactions?  And why would I put others peoples concerns/opinions/reactions above my own?

(Hypothetical questions - amongst other reasons I measured my self worth on other peoples opinions of me - what a nasty trap that can be!)

The new me thinks there is a reason I was invited to this event at this time in my development and I really owe myself the opportunity to go.  That even though I really love this chickadee, we can catch up over a beer for her birthday another time... and no doubt, it will be sooner, rather than later.

Anyways... I rang Micko to explain that I really felt I needed to attend this meditation circle tonight... then I pretty much blabbered on incoherently about the reasons... to-ing and fro-ing... Did he want to go?  If he did, we could go... I mean, I think I want to go, but I don't have to.... to which he said?

"Karls... Stop. Do what you need to do. You'll only be letting down yourself if you don't."

A stark reminder - of which the timing was perfect.
Words from a wise man...
Sometimes he speaks my truth, when I don't have the courage to.
My voice of reason.

I'm slowly learning that I can be my own voice of reason...
Doing what is right for me will make me a better person... and therefore, a better friend.

Work in progress!



Happiness is in the eye of the beerholder - erhh... beholder.

***Presently, instead of telling you all that I saw a woman taking a squat on the beach yesterday while I was out running (and she wasn't a rough bogan, she was a lovely middle aged lady - which made me feel much better about my beach toilet antics) I feel like I should be sharing with you what is going on in my head... and in my heart.  It just seems like the right time.  You've probably noticed the blog had taken a bit of a 'self help' spin... something is urging me to be open and honest and blog about shit that really matters - to me. 
So... here is another 'wise old Karls' post.***

A theme, or question, keeps popping into my mind lately... 

If you aren't happy with where you are, will you ever be happy where you end up?

(Can also be translated as 'if you aren't happy with what you have got, will you ever be happy with what you get?')

Chances are you probably know someone, or perhaps you are that someone, who is always wanting more.  Never happy with what they/you have.  I know a few people like this.  Hell, I think at times I've even joined their ranks.  No matter what comes their way, they seem to have zero gratitude and immediately want something more.  Perhaps it's not the right colour, it wasn't delivered right, it's too big, too small... you get the idea.  They just seem to be very hard to satisfy.

Now, is that because they set their standards high and expect the best because they believe they deserve it?  

Or... is it because they don't feel 'good enough' themselves?  They don't live up to their own/others expectations of them... and therefore, since they can't satisfy themselves, they can't find satisfaction in the things around them?  You know... the world is your mirror and shit like that. 

Up until this point in time, I've spent a good portion of my life 'chasing the rainbow'.  Problem is... once you get to the end of the rainbow, there is no pot of gold.  In fact, you actually can't ever get to the end of rainbow - the bloody thing keeps moving! 

What if you didn't need to chase happiness around? 
What if instead you found that pot of gold... and discovered that all along it was inside of yourself? 
You are the gold.

That is where I am at right now.  I am the gold! 

Everything I ever wanted, I allow myself to have - from me.  I provide it.
 In turn, I love myself enough to allow it from others.  I allow the good shit to come my way.
Self sabotage is a bitch I'm all too familiar with - and she can go fuck herself.

I am soooo grateful.  Now, I truly appreciate all the good things in my life... right here, right now. 

If you think about all the good things in your life (and no matter who you are, or where you are in your life, there are plenty to be found) how can you possibly be unhappy with what you have?

Honestly... how nice would it feel to have all that you want, or need?

You know what?

You already do. 

Forgiveness

Most of us are our own worst critics.  I am absolutely no different.

Sunday morning I woke up, very hungover, and very, very down on myself.  Let's just say I got super shitfaced.  I mean, I don't think I did anything to offend anyone and I probably wasn't as big a dickhead as I made myself out to be... in my own mind... but I woke up and felt like all the hard work I'd put into me had been undone by one too many tequila shot (ewwww). 

 As if the lethargy, the headache and the spewing wasn't punishment enough, my mind became my worst enemy.  And man, was she one nasty bitch!  (Thankfully, I've got a fabulous husband who could tell where I was at emotionally and kept reminding me to stop beating up on myself.)  Regardless though, I wallowed in self pity much of Sunday... and I ate... and I ate... and I ate.  I hated that I was wasting a beautiful Sunday on the couch, shovelling KFC into my mouth while filling my mind with junk food of the TV viewing variety.  Nasty shit. 

Anyways... a few days on and I've managed to forgive myself and my inner drunken mutant.  But it has raised some rather pertinent questions surrounding forgiveness... kind of leading on from that whole 'past is passed' scenario.

I've had some, let's just say, 'pretty average' relationships in the past.  A couple in particular that really affected me.  You know, although I recently questioned whether I had actually forgiven them and moved on, I now realise that I have.  (It's a little harder to let go of their beliefs - but that's a work in progress).

Now I've realised the one person I never did forgive was... 

ME!  

In fact, I really despised me - the young girl who had so much going for her... yet just let people walk all over her.  I couldn't understand why she chose to hang around.  I couldn't fathom how she could put up with this shit.  I couldn't believe she thought she was worth what was being dished out.  I just flat out couldn't stand her.  

What I neglect to remember when I'm dishing out the hate to this fragile young adult, is that eventually she did take charge.  She realised she was worth more than that shit and she left.  She left... and she grew.  She swore to herself that she'd never let someone disrespect her again... 

and for the most part, she didn't.

That is... except for herself.  

Why is it not okay for someone else to make you feel worthless... but it totally okay for you to do so?

So, today, I forgive myself.  And today, I choose to start actually loving myself - for real.  Negative self talk... be gone - like those boys from your past.  

Today... I choose to be free of all the self doubt, the insecurities, the self hate.

I choose freedom, love and joy... and to allow all the wonderful things I deserve into my life...

I choose to love young Karls... I choose to love present Karls... and I choose to be thankful for all the experiences, good and bad, that have lead me here - to this place... 

This place where I can be me.  Be totally happy with that.  And be grateful for it all.

(Usually... this would sit in my drafts for fear that a few of you might think I've lost my marbles - I've gone all hippy and fluffy on y'all.  But, the new me doesn't really care... How you choose to see it will depend on where you are at, and where you have been... and if is well removed from where I'm at, so be it.  It's not a reflection on me anymore.  I'm happy, content and putting it all out there!  Not even one sarcastic self attack to end.  Oh I've come a long way!)

Late night epiphanies

Man blogger! You really know how to test someone's patience! Last couple of days have been experiencing what blogger are referring to as 'the spinning' issue. Editor doesn't load fully... just keeps showing it's 'thinking'. I've switched back to the old editor to try avoid the issue... so far, so good - although the layout and text might be a bit fucked.

At first I thought it must have been the universe's way of telling me that yesterdays entry didn't need to be said. Perhaps I should heed its advice. I have better things that need to be said anyway - yesterdays entry would have been a bit of a downer.

So, it's like 7am here and I'm up typing away. In fact, I think I've been awake most of the night. I didn't have any sugar close to bedtime. I hadn't had a coffee since 7.30am yesterday. Hell, I had even meditated a couple of hours prior to beddybyes. The brain just. would. not. switch. off. Most of the time it was just a whirl of nothing. Occasionally a friend would pop in and I had a couple of negative thoughts rear their ugly heads. But then... I had an idea! (imagine a lightbulb for effect)

You may remember I was waiting to be pummelled to the ground by divine inspiration on the 26th April. Now, that didn't quite eventuate... although I did have an inkling of an idea.

Last night, the original idea I had seemed to manifest itself into a monster of an idea. In the light of the morning, I'm not 100% sure of what all the excitement was about... but I'm going to investigate further. I really wish I'd pulled my lazy arse out of bed, grabbed a pen and paper and just started punching idea's out. I was trying to be unselfish - it is the big Micko's birthday today (happy birthday Tiger!) and I didn't want to be waking him up throughout the night. As it turns out he didn't sleep to well either.

Here is the weird thing. In the little sleep I did get last night, Micko woke up to a blue light coming in from the lounge room. He got up to investigate and discovered the TV was on and Austar was resetting itself... the alarm clock hadn't reset, so it wasn't a black out... and I specifically remember turning them off last night (I'd been watching Paris Hiltons BFF (Dubai) and remember switching it off in disgust (okay, disgust is a little harsh... it should probably be replaced by boredom).

My idea? Let's just say it had A LOT to do with TV. A sign that I'm on the right track perhaps?

Only time with tell.

Life's Lessons

Well, well, well... it's been a while between updates, hasn't it!

Man! I tell you... I feel like I'm at the airport, with my (slowly disintergrating) baggage, making my way very quickly accross the movable walkway of self discovery. Time is standing still and I am rapidly moving closer and closer to the plane I want to be on.

Is there fear that I'll leave some people behind?

Absolutely.

But there is also much excitment about the people I'll meet in the boarding lounge.

Fear and anticipation, excitement and nervousness... they have similar attributes, right? I can't speak for anyone else, yet I feel although on opposite sides of the feeling spectrum, they raise similar feelings...
butterflies, antsy-ness, a sudden need to take a dump. I'm sure you relate.

On this rapid take off to a better me I've discovered a few little lessons I thought I'd share..

* The past has passed for a reason. Acknowledge it, learn from it and then let it go. No good can come from hanging onto it for dear life. It, or they, may have served you then, but if it, or they, no longer do? It's time to let go. By hanging on, you are taking up the space required for better things to come your way. Your past may have defined who you are, but it is you who defines who you become.

Although I thought I'd left the passed in the past, I've realised I've been hanging onto it like that fucking hideous pair of size 10 jeans hanging up in my wardrobe hoping I'll one day fit into them. Bye bye now! They'll still be fucking ugly... even if I am a size 10.

* Only when you are ready do things eventuate... and not a minute before

* Meditation really is a great thing! There is a reason the most together and happy of people keep suggesting it... there is also probably a reason you've avoided it.  Think about it.  I know that, for me, I didn't like myself enough to be alone with myself.  The thought frightened the shit outta me (ahhh... now I understand that saying!)

* Find people who inspire you... not always people who you inspire. (I was actually just about to apologise for this one, but I'm not going to as sometimes those who inspire you are, in turn, those you inspire.)

* Take yourself out on a date. Do something that is not for anybody else but you... and do it once a week. It's amazing how difficult, but totally rewarding it can be).

* It's totally okay to be who you are... a friend had this as a facebook status; 'You are valuable just because you exist. Not because of what you do or have done, but simply because you ARE.' How nice would it feel to actually believe this?  Well, try it on for size. I'm totally going with it.

* Often people give praise and encouragement to those they think need it. Although, sometimes the ones you think don't need it, are the ones that could benefit from it the most.  Find someone you truly admire, but perhaps have been embarrassed to tell them so... bite the bullet.  Go on!  I dare you! 

* When shit is going down in your life, stop, take the time to connect to your surroundings... Listen, feel, smell, breathe... What sounds can you hear? What can you see around you? Notice the smells... Feel you bum on the seat... the cold on your hands... your feet on the floor... Take a breath and be thankful you are alive and breathing. The rest can be changed. Each breath we take is truly a blessing.

I could keep going on and on and on and on... but I won't.  I've taken a moment to be present.. and I've realised I can hardly feel my feet and hands from the cold... and toilet pit stop would be a blessing!

Have a great weekend! 

The Search...

I'm a MASSIVE planner.  I always had a 5 year guide laid out (mainly centered around my career) and besides a little detour (when I went back to work in photographic retail... cause it's so easy to work 50 hours a week and concentrate on building your own business at the same time... NOT) I've pretty much alway hit the mark.  

Was it because I put it out there so the universe could steer me in the right direction?  Was it because I'm like a dog with a fucking bone when I want something?  Was it the old 98% perspiration, 2% inspiration rule?  Was it visualisation?  I think it was a combination of all of these... and probably more.

I love what I do... For those not in the know, or are new to these parts, I'm a Voice Over artist.  I run a fabulous business, Killer Kopy, which started out as a little writing business, but turned into a voice over monster.  I have about 15 talent now on the books and the best editor in the world as my trusty sidekick. And business?  Well, it's fucking great!  

So... why the search?  I hear you ask.

If it ain't broken, right?

I guess I like testing myself... getting too comfortable makes me feel lazy and bored.  I get complacent and end up in a bit of rut.  I end up resenting the job, the person, myself.  I don't feel like I'm living life to the full... that I'm letting it pass by... and that I'm no longer growing.  I like personal growth.

  I like to be moving... but I'm slowly learning to appreciate being still (hence, allowing the universe to show me the way, not hunting down my future like a tiger does it's prey).

I'm always looking to be challenged... it makes life very interesting (and it's a big reason I managed to overcome the depression and crippling anxiety I suffered over the past 18 months or so).  And now that I'm through probably the toughest tunnel I've made way through to date, I'm out the other side... standing in the sun and ready to become the very best I can be... personally, mentally and spiritually.

I also feel like there is more I'm supposed to be doing... not too sure what exactly that is, but I'm certainly keen to find out.  I'm looking for new ways to grow and learn... 

For me, putting this challenge out to the universe... asking it to show me where I am supposed to be, and what I am supposed to be doing (and then acting on it) is a really daunting task.  I'm a control freak of the highest order!  So, letting go is a real challenge.

Although, something about this all feels right... my instincts are telling me I'm headed in the right direction.

At the end of the day, we can follow our head or our heart...

but when both are urging you on?

It has to be destiny.

P.S; I know this is quite a heavy read for a Friday morning.  I haven't lost my funny... it's sitting in about 3 other drafts I've started on this inspirational morn.  I'll have another coincidence for you come Monday... the outcome is going to reveal itself to me today.  In the meantime, I must go shave my arm pits before you all start to think I've turned into a crazy reclusive hippy.

All quiet on the coincidence front...

The last couple of days have been all quiet on the coincidence front... So, I thought I'd share with you something totally out of character that I did the other day.

I had, what I thought, was a point blank straight forward coincidence.  Gorgeous, sunny Mid North Coast day (love Autumn in this part of the world... sublime) and I'm walking Billy down the V-Wall (see pic below for it's indescribable charm)...

(Told you it was charming - was looking for a shot where you can see that all the rocks have been painted by people but seems I don't have one handy... boo to me!)

...all of a sudden, perhaps spawned on by a name painted on a rock, the name 'Eden' pops into my head - immediately followed by 'Eden Gaha'.

Now, for those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about... Cast your memory back (if you are of a similar vintage) to around 1992-1994 and a little show on the ABC called 'Vidiot' - a childrens trivia show (yeah... I was a slow developer... especially considering I was 15-17 years old).  Eden was the host... and a bit of spunk to boot.

The name, and the memory floats on and I continue along my walk and further on, with life as usual.

Until, that is, a day or so later.  I'm sitting in front of the box, eating my lunch, channel surfing when I stumble across the celebrity version of The Apprentice.  So I ate, and watched, and before too long the credits start to roll.  I'm about to grab the remote, turn off the TV and get back to work when whose name should pop up on the screen?  Executive Producer - Eden Gaha.

I just found this little snipet of an interview from a couple of years ago... enjoy!

Seeing this as a coincidence, I quickly ran downstairs and googled 'Eden Gaha', his IMDB page came up, which had a link to his facebook page. Having just written the I'm a dickhead post.. I thought I'd take a bit of my own advice and follow this up.

So, what did I do?

I facebook messaged him of course!  I gave him the run down... the whole 'you don't know me, but...' scenario.  Totally out of character!  I mean I'm a person who pushed my boundaries the other day by (instead of running to the supermarket to buy some Gravox) knocking on the next door neighbours to politely ask them if they could spare a tablespoon. So, this was no small feat.

The bad news is... I've not heard back from Eden and he is likely to put out a restraining order on me (as I also sent him a second message with a link to my blog to prove I'm not a stalker and I'm just a regular human -as most stalkers do).  Hey, the Universe gave me his name (twice) so I had to follow up.

The good news is... I don't feel like a dickhead (and perhaps the lesson to be learned). 

Breakthrough!

So, Eden, if you are reading this... thanks for stopping by.  And thanks for inadvertantly helping me overcome the dickhead syndrome.  If you can think of any other lessons, opportunities or reasons that the Universe might have sent me your way and vice versa, please do let me know.

No coincidence... just a talented bro.

This is no coincidence...

 Although perhaps it will be for one of you out there reading this? 

You never know your luck in a big universe... or a big city... say, for instance, Melbourne. 

Speaking of all things Melbourne... My bro, Grant, is quite the talented artist... He certainly is one of those admirable and charismatic folks following their personal legend.

Tonight, he has a new show, 'THIS IS WOVEN PIPER: PAINTINGS FOR THE FUNNEL', opening at Anna Pappas Gallery in Prahan.  Exhibition open through to May 7.

If in the area, do drop in and check out his AMAZING work. 

Now I'm feeling the creative urge... might have to crank out the acrylics myself.

Howard the Duck's guide to enlightenment...

Last weekend Micko and I drove up to Coffs to do some shopping.  We stopped for lunch at a club and on a plasma next to our table 'Harry and the Hendersons' DVD was playing.  Neither Micko or I had seen the movie in over 20 years... We got to talking about other movies we remembered from our childhood.  First to spring to mind was 'Howard the Duck'.

You could be easily forgiven for thinking this is Macauley Culkin in a duck costume - the acting ability is of similar standing.

Yesterday, after a full day of swimming, gardening, walking the dog and cleaning, we plonked our arses on the couch to see what was on the box.  What do you know?  Howard the Duck is on... and it's the opening credits.  Coincidence?  

I'd told Micko that Howard was a rude, deviant and terribly horny duck... and that it was probably not really appropriate viewing for a 10 year old - not my folks fault (we watched it in the annex of a friends caravan at Bonnie Doon -  I know, I know... How's the fucking serenity).  Watching it all these years later, he actually wasn't that much of a deviant, he wasn't rude, or particularly horny...  it was, however, a TERRIBLY awful film!  If you haven't seen it, I probably wouldn't bother wasting 90 minutes of your life.

The real question here is did Howard have a message for me... besides a reminder to never watch this film again?

((I'm about to give you a blow by blow description of the storyline.  Be thankful I'm saving you an hour and half of your life - go use it to follow your dreams.  Although the following lacks the incredible (exaggeration) special effects and bad acting, the storyline is much more succinct (and that might say a lot!).))

Well... the basis of the film is an evolved duck arrives here by chance after an explosion at a science lab transports him from his planet to a dark alley in Cleveland.  He meets 'Beverley', a singer in a band who believes they are headed for big things... but are stuck playing dingy pubs for no money due to a dodgy manager they can't escape.

After saving Beverley from muggers and her dodgy manager, she takes Howard home and they get to know each other a little better.  Howard mentions that he has recently given up his 'pipe dream' and taken a 'real job' as an advertising copywriter.... It's not at all fulfilling, but he's been told by everyone around him 'it's time to grow up, Howard'.   

Howard then says... 'Sometimes I still get the feeling there's some kind of special destiny waiting for me'... To which Beverley replies, 'Howard!  That's it!  Maybe that's why you're here?  I believe there are no accidents in the universe.  Maybe you are here for a greater purpose.  Some kind of cosmic cause.'

(My ears prick up!  Maybe this is the answer.. maybe it will point me in the direction of my 'personal legend', my purpose.)

That cause?  Well, durh!  To save Planet Earth from the Dark Lords of the Universe.   

Man!  I hope all of life here on earth isn't completely reliant on me defeating an evil Jeffrey Jones (with a bad make up job and a worse perspiration problem) on a ride on laser.  

Or perhaps, it's some kind of metaphor (thank you Media Arts University Degree - I knew Film Theory would come in handy one of these days).  Perhaps these Dark Lords are actually part of every one of us... maybe they represent self doubt... or speed bumps on our road to self discovery... checking if our resolution, self belief and will is strong enough to pass the tests the universe throws our way.

At one point in the film, everything seems waged against his success... not only is the Dark Lord after him, so too are the Cops and, to make things even more unsurmountable, it's duck hunting season.  It seems good old Howard can't catch a break... if all this wasn't bad enough, he is in a small aircraft with one of the 'good scientists' (Tim Robbins) - but due to his 'evolution' he can no longer fly.

Tim yells to Howard, 'Fly, Howard!  Follow your instincts... Trust your birdness!  Fly!' 

He saves the planet by not only flying, but by sacrificing being able to return to his own... He starts a new life, with Beverley, and ends up (although being on a completely different planet) being exactly where he wants to be... doing exactly what he wanted to do.

So... the moral of the story?

Well... I'm sure that will present itself fully in the future... but right here, right now?

*If you don't have your own wings... perhaps you can make some (a metaphor; don't focus on what you lack... but what you possess).

*Don't let others decide when you should 'grow up and get a real job'.

*Crimping your hair, was always, and will always be a drastic waste of time.

*Pipe dreams are there to be followed - as too are instincts.

*Detours don't necessarily deviate you from your path forever... you are always where you need to be.

*Perhaps my 10 year old self had some good idea's about what she wanted to be... but she had shithouse taste in movies!

Till next time... 

Always trust in your birdness!

I'm a realllll dickhead.

I'm still in a relative state of shock... and after much internal debate about life, death and everything inbetween, I've come to the conclusion that if and when my time is up, I'd like to have lived my life as Jonno did.  Without regrets... and with a huge set of balls (I mean that figuratively as I'd never actually seen his balls - he'd get a laugh outta that... we once joked about trading his fabulous website design skills for 'sexual favours').

Today... I searched through the garage and found some of my old school journals - I'm yet to go through them properly... although I did come accross something that was quite clearly titled 'When I Grow Up'.  Could you be more obvious universe?

 In a brief summary it said 'I want to be a dancer, but I lack confidence and believe that people with think I'm a dickhead, so I'll just think about it for now' (note; I have paraphrased - I didn't use such words as 'dickhead' back then - well, I did but outside of my parents ear shot).

On that note, and on the theme of 'looking like a dickhead', a similar theme popped up yesterday.  I had quite a vivid dream that one my brother's exe's was calling me on my mobile (an absolutely gorgeous girl... the type you envy - stunning on the outside and just as gorgeous on the inside).  It was so real that I actually got up to check if I'd had a missed call on my phone.  As I'm following up on my 'coinkydinks' I decided to let her know - quite random as we've not had a lot of contact in the many years since she and my bro broke up.

She told me that she had been in the area and had even stopped in town for the night, but couldn't find accommodation.  She thought about facebooking me, but decided against it because she'd thought it would have seemed 'weird stalker' like.  Of course, I'd never have thought that... I would have LOVED her to stop by.  We could have set up the spare room and drank cocktails on the deck till dawn (well, maybe around 11.30 cause that's kind of my limit these days).

So, what was the message?

Don't be hindered by what other people may think, perhaps?

I do this kind of thing ALL. THE. TIME!  What opportunities am I missing and what great people are passing me by because I'm scared of putting myself out there?

I've lived most of my life not doing things because I've been worried about not being good at it... because I'd look like a try hard... because I didn't want to be a burden on people...

Basically, I've lived life trying to avoid other people coming to the conclusion that I'm a real dickhead.

Whose belief is that?  Theirs?  Or mine?  (hypothetical - don't answer that one)

Now, don't get me wrong... I'm a character all of my own.  Some say I'm a little 'out there', and I'd agree to a certain extent - hell, not everyone admits to taking a bog on the beach. 

But with every passing year, I've gotten more and more precious... and more and more concern with others thoughts - and not my own.

So I'm doing something about it...

Stay tuned for tomorrow...

When I make a right dickhead of myself!