Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Word Vomit - 1.0



Yesterday, I filled in one of those stupid quizzes on fb... The last question was, 'Do you think too much, or too little?'


I would say, for the most part I'm not an over analyser. Most sly comments people make, go way over my head. How do I know that? Well, I've many friends who are 'thinkers' and often they pick up on things said to them, that I didn't even notice. Besides, who goes through life without people having a dig? I suspect no-one... Certainly not me! But, I'm quite stoked that I don't have a 'sly comment radar'.


I do, however, have an inability to switch my brain off at times... Especially at bed o'clock! Things that consume my mind at this time are generally work stuff, or plans for the future - like home reno's (that we aren't even close to thinking about starting), that, and random business ideas. Often, I get up, take a Polaramine (antihistamine) and finally drop off.


When it comes to opening my mouth, or in stressful situations - like the boat incident , the portacot , or Billy being attacked , I definitely think too little - if at all! If I'd taken even a couple of deep breathes I probably wouldn't have lost my cool. The power of hindsight... My hindsight can be a little too powerful!
I also put little thought into what comes out of my mouth... I suffer from what has been medically diagnosed as 'word vomit'. And seriously, who likes to spew? Not me! Not even words!

Examples of my so called 'word vomit'...


At the beach, with Billy, I come across an old lady with her dog on the leash. Billy and the dog start to sniff each other’s crotches and I say 'Ahhhhh Niiiice! Dog 69er!'... Ummmmm? Just for starters, the woman was probably in her late 70s - inappropriate much? She looked at me with a mix of blank with a touch of disgust.


I'd really like to be able to retract some statements... but then again, whenever I get an email, followed by a request for retraction, I always have to read it. It's like the fart thing! Say you've farted and people will automatically have a sniff. And then there's the 'Whatever you do, don't press the red button'... Ummmm.. Hey dickhead! You might want to think about not bringing attention to the destruct button next time - if you'd not brought it up, I wouldn't have noticed nor had the inclination to want to push it.

So, on second thoughts, a retract statement statement might actually have the opposite effect and cement what has uncontrollably splurted out.

Perhaps I should work on taking a deep breath before opening my big mouth... Then conversation with me would be like a Rove interview with an actor on satellite - full of bad jokes... awkward pauses... and delayed laughs. Not that much different really!

Anyhoo... I'll be back with more inappropriate tales of major embarrassment shortly... I'm only just warming up.


Oh and my fb status currently reads... "just got headbutted in the vag by her dog... probably my own fault! Was making him dance with me... dogs hate that!"  Hmmmm... perhaps I should retract that and make sure it's all in the third person next time?  Ahhhh... You didn't really notice until I pointed it out?  Game, set and match!

2 comments:

jprp said...

'Ahhhhh Niiiice! Dog 69er' omg classic! please dont EVER find a cure for your word vommit! (awesome, oops, sorry, kickarse, pic too!)

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