Friday, May 7, 2010

Happy Motherfuckers Day! *kidding!!!

Happy Mothers Day for Sunday Mum! 
 (even though she doesn't read this... and thank fuck for that!  My poor Mum has put up my bullshit - especially my naughty late teen / early 20's - I look like an angel... but we all know I'm a the fucking devil in disguise!  haha)

I've just returned from driving the 100km's return trip to drop Micko off at work this morning.... two super early mornings in a row?  And I'm self employed?  Well now, that's just weird!  

One the way back, you'll have to forgive me, but I stopped in at Macca's for a drive through breakfast - Bacon and Egg McMuffin meal - includes a coffee (a McCafe coffee - just to clarify).  Usually, when I get one it's way too fucking hot!  I can pretty much peel the roof of my mouth off afterwards with my tongue - and I feel it imperative to also mention I grew up in a footy club so my mouth is quite used to placing burning hot things in it (and, no... I'm not referring to cock!  I wasn't the club whore - just ate a shitload of smoking hot pies and straight out of the fryer chips).  

I left the coffee in the cup holder that I had to ask for... damn you 1992 Camry wagon with no cup holders, central locking or electric windows (I'm kicking it old school in my shitbomb wagon - thinking a Mitsubishi Outlander with be my next major purchase - maybe before end of financial year - I gots to get me some decent deductions!).  

So, I drank the coffee not 5 minutes ago... waited the whole way home so I wouldn't end up with 3rd degree burns inside my cockhole cakehole.... and I've already had my morning dump!  Thank you coffee!

Already, I'm going fucking mental!  I literally feel like I've choked down a couple of lines - and yes, to your horror, I do know that feeling well - please don't hate me!  I'm no junky. (It has been a while, my old white friend).

I'll be lucky to get out of this morning without having eaten the insides of my mouth... or worse, with a bloody migraine!

Anycrappymcdonaldscoffee... The reason I had to drop Micko off was because we are heading up to Byron this arvo to spend the weekend with friends (and their precious little new cherub 'Liberty Grace')... and for Mothers Day (taking the Mother-in-law out for dinner).

So, I'd like to end this post with a little shout out (can you tell I worked in radio?  Next I'll be offering you all 'Icey cold cans of Coke'!) to all those Mummy bloggers that fly past here... whether it's every day, or once in a while... HAPPY MOTHERS DAY bitches!  

Hope you get breakfast in bed... it's the very least your husbands and little bumpers could do!


kate said...

say hi to sam for me (and byron bay - possibly my favourite place in the world)

bananas. said...

we gotta celebrate all those motherfuckers some day...why not now? hahahaha!! i'm jk.

oh and lay off the powder, er i mean caffeine woman. meh...who am i kidding. that shit is my fuel. the coffee. not the white stuff.

"Seattle" Heather said...

OMG DID NOT just talk about your morning dump...OMG...I'm dying...

aladdinsane12 said...

i don't think anyone thought you were the club whore, but thanks for clarifying ;) i was certain you were referring to steaming hot cock!

Christine Vi said...

Aw waking up early is never fun. This is the first year I'm away from home for Mother's day and it makes me sad a little.

Have a great time in Byron!

Big Boops said...

Holy ballsacks batman! Everytime I come visit you I finish reading your post and my mouth is gaping open in awe. You are f'n hilarious!

Tracie said...

I lurve you. Your life is even more of an open book than mine is.

Have a great weekend!

meredith said...

omg, i love your potty mouth. and i'm pretty sure you could file a suit against the golden arches for their coffee being dangerously hot. people in america sue mcdonald's for making them fat.

drollgirl said...

well happy md to you and yours!

and i know what it is like to be hopped up on the white lines! it has been a LONG time, but i sure remember that insane feeling. YEE-IKES!

happy weekend, girlie! :)

MiMi said...

You should sue Macca's for the hot coffee. Some chick over here did. And now she's RICH. I think.
Hope you have a good Sunday with your mother effers! LOL

~KS said...

I can see where you get your good looks- your Mum is beautiful!!

And as always, I am leaving your blog laughing. I love your sense of humor...

Hope you're having a great day!

jprp said...

I havent left you a comment for aaaagggggeeeeesssss! bad blogger friend i am! hope your ma had an awsome day :) oh, and whats this about winning vouchers for high tea?! how? where? when? count me in!!!!

Erin said...

I am not a coffee drinker, except when I need to poop but can't. I can always count on coffee to help me go. LOL!

You crack me up!

sanjeet said...

Have a great time in Byron!
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