Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Public Poo

Saturday morning we experienced a huge swell pounding on our shores.  We headed down the beach for our early morning stoll to discover there was no beach... just vast expanses of very angry ocean - the area which is usually sand was drenched in sea water, but was only ankle deep.  We took a walk close to the edge of the dunes... the beach was completely empty.  We saw one single other living creature while almost the entire time we were down there. 

On the way back, my morning shit hit me like a sack of bricks!  BANG!  The kind of hit that makes you jump startled with both hands grabbing for your arsehole in some futile attempt to stop the shit flying out.   We were about 10 minutes walk from the car. 

Just then, while all I've got my mind on is getting this demon out of my colon, I hear Micko yell out, 'Karls!  Move!  Karls!'.  I look behind me to see a massive surge of water heading at light speed towards me.  I tear up the small part of beach that's left and the water gushes up - thankfully only to just past my knees... Billy on the other hand?  Well, he too had run up the beach but ended up in a dip swirling around like he was in a washing machine.  Thankfully he didn't get dragged out to sea... there would have been nothing we could have done to stop him!

That took my mind off the impending borrie for around 2 minutes... Then, once again, Mr Faeces decided to rear his ugly head once more.  I remembered I had a couple of tissues in my jumper.  I ripped down my shorts and out he shot!  I wiped carefully - as I only had the two tissues - as I was around 3/4's done, I look to my left and see a young family has come down a beach track to take some pics!  Sprung!

I'm not sure what was worse...
The terrible embarrassment I felt that this family had quite likely seen me hanging a dump in public...
Or, 
walking back uncomfortably to the car with remnants of shit still clinging to my ring hole! 

Neither could be considered the greatest moment in my life...
although the shower I had when I got back was right up there!

17 comments:

The Boob Nazi said...

hahahahah ewwwww that's hilarious!

MrsDixon said...

Oh my gosh! You are so funny!!! You are like my idol for accomplishing a public poo! You go girl!
P.S. Glad your billy didn't get lost at sea!

McGriddle Pants said...

a whole new meaning to LAUGH OUT LOUD funny!! :)

jprp said...

Karls, you sure know how to get my day started well! how could i have a bad day ater reading that!

Glad Billster didn't go for too much of a swim!

aladdinsane12 said...

i totally thought the "huge swell pounding at our shores" was a metaphor for the poo trying to get out...

bananas. said...

OMG ewwwwwwwwwwwww!!!

i've never known anyone who pooped outside...until now.

you're crazy lady!!!

Smart Ass Sara said...

For quite possibly the first time in my life....I am at a loss for words.

Touche.

"Seattle" Heather said...

Can't stop laughing...I've got tears from laughing...cause girl...I've so been there and done that! LOL LOL LOL You're just brave to write about it!

Charis said...

Oh my GOSH you are freaking hilarious. Haha I can't believe that really HAPPENED! Totally sucks dude (and is kinda awesome all at the same time)

Cathy said...

Hilarious!! This is an excellent story and I love that you shared it. I am laughing really hard!

Christine Vi said...

hahaha I love the fact that you're not embarrassed to share and you're completely honest about it.

foxy said...

Man, all i can say is... BEEN THERE. It's so wrong in all kinds of ways, but what can you do?? It's freaking natural.

kate said...

oh my god. hilarity.

you might be surprised to know i am one of "those girls" who doesn't poo so i am lucky :)

Erin said...

seriously, I hate pooping. It is evil. And when you gotta go, you gotta go. Are you sure you're not a guy? cuz that took BALLZ!!!!

Holyoke Home said...

Wow. Just. Wow. How does one comment on that?!

By the way? A belated but no less sincere and heartfelt 'Thank you!' for stopping by my home renovation and design blog on my SITS featured day! I appreciate it!

Alicia said...

BWWAAAHHHAHAHAH!!! i'm so late on this, but holy crap woman...i'm so glad i read it!! i can totally picture this happening!

sanjeet said...

Can't stop laughing
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