Saturday morning we experienced a huge swell pounding on our shores. We headed down the beach for our early morning stoll to discover there was no beach... just vast expanses of very angry ocean - the area which is usually sand was drenched in sea water, but was only ankle deep. We took a walk close to the edge of the dunes... the beach was completely empty. We saw one single other living creature while almost the entire time we were down there.
On the way back, my morning shit hit me like a sack of bricks! BANG! The kind of hit that makes you jump startled with both hands grabbing for your arsehole in some futile attempt to stop the shit flying out. We were about 10 minutes walk from the car.
Just then, while all I've got my mind on is getting this demon out of my colon, I hear Micko yell out, 'Karls! Move! Karls!'. I look behind me to see a massive surge of water heading at light speed towards me. I tear up the small part of beach that's left and the water gushes up - thankfully only to just past my knees... Billy on the other hand? Well, he too had run up the beach but ended up in a dip swirling around like he was in a washing machine. Thankfully he didn't get dragged out to sea... there would have been nothing we could have done to stop him!
That took my mind off the impending borrie for around 2 minutes... Then, once again, Mr Faeces decided to rear his ugly head once more. I remembered I had a couple of tissues in my jumper. I ripped down my shorts and out he shot! I wiped carefully - as I only had the two tissues - as I was around 3/4's done, I look to my left and see a young family has come down a beach track to take some pics! Sprung!
I'm not sure what was worse...
The terrible embarrassment I felt that this family had quite likely seen me hanging a dump in public...
walking back uncomfortably to the car with remnants of shit still clinging to my ring hole!
Neither could be considered the greatest moment in my life...
although the shower I had when I got back was right up there!
Born in the late 70s during the depths of a harsh Melbourne winter, in her mid 20s, Karls migrated to a much warmer climate - then back to the cooler climate and once again to a warmer climate. With all this to-ing and fro-ing, she's discovered that home is where the heart is... in her case, anywhere that serves ice cold beer.