The losing side...

This weekend, the pre-season competition of my favourite sport (Aussie Rules, or AFL) started.  Saturday night, the team I've lived and breathed my entire life started their season with a devasting loss.  I've talked about my Tiges before... here.

If you've been hanging round these here parts for sometime, you'd be aware I lost my Nanna to liver cancer back in November.  If not, you can get to know her a little better here.  And discover what a blow it was to me, here and here.

Anyways... like I was saying before my team was embarrassingly defeated.  I couldn't watch the game... not just because we played dismally, but because I kept imagining my Nan (a massive Tigers supporter) sitting on her dusty musk pink couch, next to her partly completed crossword puzzle, blackberry wine in one hand, sneaky cigarette in the other, yelling profanities at the telly.  It tore at my heart strings so much, I had to chuck on a DVD.

I was also very glad we lost - of course, I would have liked us to put up some kind of a fight, rather than sucumb to defeat so easily.  The thought of our first win of the season (if we even do win a game this season) is bittersweet.  At the end of each game, I'd (and a few of my cousins and her friends) half pissed, give her a quick phone call.  She'd answer singing our club theme song (Oh were from Tigerland) and laughing happily - thanks in part to the blackberry wine.  Sometimes, if I were with my brother, we'd give her a prank call - Dale once pretended he was a Policeman calling in regards to a noise complaint.

The simple act of watching my footy team makes the fact that she's gone very real.  The emotion that lies dormant slowly bubbles to the surface.  I miss the warmth of her hugs... her laughter (which I can still hear in my mind)... her little taunts... her sense of humour.... her yo-yo's, mudcake and jelly slice.  

Every now and then I get a waft of her perfume and I have to believe that it's her... floating around (checking that my arse is not rapidly expanding) and reminding me she'll be forever by my side - for all of life's wins and losses.  

See she was well aware that a win is made all the more sweet when you know what loss is.  And ain't that the truth!

What lies lurking...

My good real life friend Jands, got this rad care package sent to her from her best bloggy buddy Sara.  I decided to pop over there myself to see what kind of a person sends such a rad, thoughtful gift and found Sara had posted about the contents of her handbag.   What a rad idea!

They say you can discover a lot about a person from the content of their handbag... so without further ado, here's mine!

A recent purchase... wasn't sure about the purple, but they didn't have the black in stock. Now, I'm a fan.

It's dark, dingy and full of shit in there!

Mary Poppins-esque... how does all that shit fit in one tiny handbag?

A stubby holder... cause you'll never know when you get the thirst. Plus, if I'm going to a barbie or anywhere that tinnies or stubbies will be served, I alway forget to grab one to chuck in the esky. Practical and stylish?

A stack of paperwork and receipts - clearly a fan of the old stash and forget.

Because every responsible puppylicious owner needs a poo bag or two.

My keys... oh yeah, there are way more keyrings than keys on this fucker! The boxing glove was a present from my old gym/boxing buddy when I left Victoria.

I wear my sunglasses at night... So not for real. I'm not that much of a tosser! Notice the asthma puffer in the background... Can you believe I also used to be a pack a day smoker? Wrong! (although I do still steal one when I've had a beer or two)

iPod... bring the tunes to my gym work out baby. And a couple of pendants that arrived in the post yesterday (naughty naughty - told you I'm addicted)

And that about sums up the contents of my handbag.  What does it say about me?

I'm a beer swilling man girl who wears no make up, moisturiser or lip gloss, nor brushes her hair... right?  Hell, if there were no tampons or pads (and jewellery) in there you'd probably think I had a penis and this was in fact, a man bag.

Let it be known that I braved the mozzie ridden pergola to bring you this blog... I'm itchy from head to toe, so you bitches better appreciate it!

Oh yeah... and before I go start my weekend - remember to have a listen to yesterday's blog.  If you can't listen to it (cause you only check blogger at work, or whatev) let me know.

Now, put on the Aeroguard and 'aveagoodweekend!

Dr Uber Arsehole

Yo girlfriends (and the odd man who might be lurking in the background) this morning, I've decided to tell you a story.    

Like, actually tell you a story.  

You guys should know by now that I'm a voice over and you've heard my work before... I thought why not auditorily take you on a trip to my deck, ice cold tinny in hand, looking out at the rainforest in the late afternoon sun, while I spin a yarn. 

It's actually a previous post - from like way back in the beginning - so chances are you've not heard this story before.  It certainly is a disturbing tail tale - aren't mine all?

Not at all recommended for children or work enviro's... uness you have headphones!

Warning:  Contains stories of arseholes, std's and a few swear words mixed in for good measure (a spoonful of swear words makes misdiagnosis go down - besides I doubt you'd be at Karlosophies if you were easily offended).

Enjoy!  Hope you can understand my wacky accent!

Micko's Madness

Okay... so yesterdays post was clearly a little disturbing to some of you.  I know it seems unbelievable - not the man who pours sweat from his pores, but the whole Mick Jagger sex bar thing - I swear to you... it honestly happened!  

Unfortunately I don't have the pics... or I totally would be sharing them with Womens Weekly you guys!    It happened many moons ago... before Micko and I met, so I'm guessing around early 2003.  If you think that was a crazy story...  There's plenty more in the Karls vault to pull out - often I've blocked them out (as I'm now a conservative 30 something - ummm or perhaps it was a few too many bongs back in youth) and I need some kind of trigger to bring them back in the forefront.

Anyways... speaking of disturbing:

My husband is effing disturbed!  He could also be labelled a psycho, but I'll leave the decision in your capable hands...

Micko is an avid tennis hater (can't say I'm a big fan either)... The Australian Open of TV sucks up a good portion of free to air programming - which really grates on our nerves.

Here are a few of his facebook comments regarding tennis:

WOW Roger won the Aussie open, who would have thought....BORING SHIT TV

Roger Federer has got arms like a 5 year old Sri Lankan boy, he's a cry baby, he's a cow craving sex freak and an all round nob jockey.....and tennis is still fucking boring.

He is clearly not a big fan of Grays Anatomy either:

Micko wishes the hole medical team on Greys Anatomy got smashed by a bus and not George. And the girl who got her arms cut off by the speed boat has to do the surgery with her foot. Her other leg got ripped off as well......

Nor fuckwits:

Micko hopes the fuckwit this morning (5.20am), doing burnouts at every intersection all over town goes home and finds out that everybody he cares for in the world is dead or dying a horrible death and then he goes into his bathroom, slips and smashes all of his teeth out on the basin and somehow manages to choke on a mouth full of dog shit and ends up being impaled on the the most torturous pole imaginable...

Thank goodness I'm on his good side!   He certainly has a way with words.... and perhaps an anger management problem!

PS.  Micko doesn't really have an anger management problem - he is a very gentle, loving and caring man (as you all know)... with a very sick sense of humour!

I feel dirty

Last night, I went to my usual cardio boxing class.  This time, I was partnered with a tall guy, around my age.  He seemed nice enough... usually he is partnered with his wife but she was away on business.  We started... no problem.  He packed a hard punch... but hell, so do I. 

All good.... until this....

Oh yeah!  Perspiration pouring out and with every punch droplets of sweat would spray all over me...  Ummmmm FUCKING GROSS!  

It went all over my t-shirt (looked like I'd lay down while massive rain drops fell) and even got on my face a few times.  I was trying my hardest not to gag!  His sweat was a little stinky too... and he was suffering from halitosis... so I was really, really desperately holding back my gagging. 

When I got home, I walked in the door and headed straight for the shower.  I seriously washed myself thoroughly about 5 times before I got out... even then I could still smell sweat and bad breath every now and then (think it was in the mind, cause there was no chance a single drop of sweat could have survived my rigorous cleaning regime!)  

SIDETRACK......

It reminded me of a bizarre night I had in Bangkok.  We met this British dude who said he'd take us to the best sex bar around.  It was such an uncomfortable place... the girls kept coming up and rubbing our shoulders.  Oh and it stunk... wrong, wrong smell!  

Then, not a word of a lie, Mick Jagger walked in with his entourage.  We were the only other people in the bar.  We tried to approach him but were quickly met with agro looks from his bodyguards. 

Just then, Angie started to blare out of the speakers while a motorbike descended from the roof onto the bar with 2 young men having sex on the back of it.  It was too much for Mick...
 and a little too much for us!  
When we got back to our hotel room., I showered thoroughly, but I still couldn't get rid of the smell of sex.  

Ewwwwwww!  

Just thinking about it makes me need another shower!

Bye bye now!

w.i.r.e.s

Had a rad weekend!  The Moops (haha Seinfeld joke) came to stay with their 2 little angels.  Love those kids... but as with any visit where children are involved, Micko and I really embrace the silence factor once they've left.  Monty is Micko's biggest fan... so the soundscape is constantly filled with high pitched squeals of  'Micko!  Micko!  Guess What?  Guess What?' and 'Mick-ooh!' and 'Excuse me Micko...' (the boy has manners!)   As usual it was fab to spend some time with one of my favourite families.

It's been wet and rainy here for the past week... still disgustingly warm and humid.  Saturday morning was no different, Krabes and I decided to head to Coffs (with the Angels) for a spot of shopping.  On the way, we noticed Valla Beach Markets were on so we pulled in for a quick squiz.

It was pretty quiet (due to the rain) but I stumbled across the W.I.R.E.S tent (or Wildlife Information Rescue Education Service).  Now, I 've been wanting to do some volunteer work forever... one of those 'good intentions' that forever seem to be on the back burner.  I finally bit the bullet and signed up!

So, I'll be doing their Rescue and Immediate Care Course in a few weeks... then I'll start volunteering.  All they ask is that you man the phones once a month (and it's diverted to your number so you don't have to go sit in an office all day).  In addition, you can become a wildlife carer or rescuer (obviously a lot more work than answering a phone for a day a month).  I'm soooo excited - partly about learning new skills but also about finally giving something back. 

Wonder what this little Aussie native will think?

Totally addicted to...

Buying estate jewellery!

Here are some my purchases...

I love this ring... I wear it pretty much every day.  It is huge and beautiful!  The stone changes colour in different light.

My favourite bracelet... It's coloured foil placed under glass... has a name, like 'diocratic glass' or something... for the life of me it's escaped my brain.

Art Deco style bangle - I LOVE ART DECO!

Red Lucite Elephant pendant - a new purchase.

One of my favourite Art Deco Fob braclets.  It's quite heavy... but stunningly beautiful!

It has a jade scarab beetle design on the end.  Magnificent!

I just liked the style of this brooch... I actually hang it on a chain around my neck.

Art Deco marquiste ring

Modernist Danish pendant

Me... made from Pewter.  haha  I actually have a man version of this one too.  Yes!  I'm serious.  It has a penis.

I love Owls!  Especially Mod style.

Newest addition... leaving in the post to its new home today.

Same with this little beauty. 

Hi, I'm Karls!  And I'm a jewellery junkie.

Doppelgänger

In the name of Doppelgänger Week...

Meet mine... 

She's Sally Fletcher from Home and Away (Kate Ritchie)... in the Guiness Book of Records for the longest soapie star playing the same role.  

Shame about the half erectus nippola action... you will never see me sporting a couple of brickies thumbs!

This is clearly NOT a good shot of her.  

Watch her in action... 

But you see, the unfortunate thing is, it's these terrible shots that best resemble me.   Unfortunately, she got hotter and hotter as she got older... I headed in the opposite direction.

My boobs stayed the same saggy, big titties 

and hers... well...

They got perkier and less freakish public display of fripple action.

See!  She really is quite the hot tottie these days... this actually reminds me!  I need a new head shot for work - perhaps I could do something similar (you know, working the mic and all)... or I guess I could just use hers.  Might even get a few gigs out of it!  

Bread

The questions has been asked, 'What exactly do I do for a living?'

I have spoken of my work previously... visit here if you want the background.

So... I have, quite possibly, one of the raddest jobs around!

I'm a Voice Over Artist.

I have a recording studio set up in my back yard (in a building, not actually in the outdoors).

Killer Kopy (my business) is made up of myself, a rad editor and about 10 fabulous talented folk that work with me.  I do mainly corporate style projects... lots of elearning programs.  I've worked with most of the major corporates in Australia.

I love what I do... and it's been a really hard slog getting it to the level it is now.  I'm very proud of my work and what I've achieved.  I believe that you can do, and be, whatever you want... the only person that stands in your way is you. 

So, for the first time (here) you guys can hear my voice (and funny accent).

Here is a little sample of TV ads I've done in the past... feel free to have a laugh at my expense!

Schmaperwork

January I spent avoiding the tasks that take up time and are fucking mind numbingly boring... like invoicing and other hideous paperwork. 

Well.. that's not quite true... January is usually very quiet for me and this year it was a crazy beehive of activity!  I kept pushing the not so enjoyable stuff aside until it quietened down... only it didn't.  (Not that I'm complaining - busy is very good)  So, whilst I had good intentions, they just never eventuated.

Who am I kidding?  I was lazy!  No excuses... just fucking lazy!

Now, that February has arrived in all it's glory, I have finally proved to myself that avoiding something does NOT make it disappear!   And the result is... I have a mountain of 'not the fun stuff' work to catch up on. 

I'm a creative... not a friggin accountant!  HELP ME!  I'm fucking drowning!

We'll return to your regularly scheduled program shortly...