Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Food fuck ups

I have really bad luck when I order food (particularly a lunch) from ANYWHERE!  There is around an 80% chance that what I get will..

a. be nothing like it's description on the menu
b. taste like shit... or be completely tasteless

It's just the way it is... I've come to accept that 8 times out of 10 I will be disappointed.  I've come to accept it, but I'm not happy about it.

Now, it's not because I'm fussy... I'm really not!   Hell, I'm a shitarse cook (if ever there was one) so my general standard is if it's worse than I could make myself (meaning not fit for human consumption) it's crapola.

Recently I've had two bad experiences (2 out of 2 lunches - 100%).  

Firstly, a couple of weeks ago, the rad Micko surprise weekend to be specific, we headed to the Surf Club for lunch.  It wasn't cheap... I ordered the Seared Tuna (around $26).   Let it be known that I am a Tuna (well seafood) freak!  I can't get enough of the stuff... no idea how I will deal with limited seafood (and no shellfish - argggggh) if we ever decide to have sex get up the duff! 


 It came out grey... cooked so much that it was dryer than a Nuns nasty.  It tasted like chalk.  No pink middle... disgusto!  I looked at Micko, disappointment was clearly showing.  For the first time EVER I complained.  I told them that I wanted it rare, beautiful and a pinky red in the middle, definitely not grey.  They took it away, cooked a fresh piece and bought it back.  It was still not even close to rare... but I ate it sulkily. 

This Saturday - another perfect example... We did a spot of shopping and went to one of the pubs in Coffs for a meal.  Micko ordered the steak.  And I?  Well, I looked at the board and ordered the Beef Massaman Curry - surely they can't fuck up something as simple as a curry... right?


WRONG!  It was so NOT a Massaman Beef Curry... more like an Irish Stew!  (Not sure if everyone knows what an Irish Stew is... so I'll elaborate - it's beef, carrots, potato and other veg in a thick gravy type sauce...  real wintery dish...  not even remotely close to the flavour of a curry!!!)

I almost cried... as I usually do when I'm dished up a shitty meal.  I've actually cried on a few occassions.  A couple that spring to mind:

1.  Salad and SPAM (not ham) roll (ewwwww)

2.  A SALAD roll... came out with more egg on it than anything else - I fought with the bitch at the corner shop who insisted egg was salad.  Ummmm.  Egg. is. not. a./ fucking. vegetable!  If I wanted an egg and salad roll, I'd have asked for a fucking egg and salad roll... deep breaths Karls, deep breaths (you can see that particular incident really struck a nerve!)

2.  Oysters Kilpatrick (gorgeous fresh oysters, topped with about a kilo of bacon, with tomato sauce squeezed heavily on top - heavily like drowning in tomato sauce).  Wrong!  Wrong!  Wrong!

There is nothing worse than a disappointing meal... especially when you've paid good money for it.  The good news is... it's only lunches!  Not dinners!

I'm thinking weekend lunch dates are now of the agenda... unless they are at Hungry Jacks!

18 comments:

Smart Ass Sara said...

*gagging*. I'm a picky eater. And this post?? Almost made me vomit. :) HAHA!!

Brown Girl said...

Ew, all that crap sounds horrible. But good tuna is the shit, love the stuff! Hope your luck turns around, nothing worse than paying good money for shitty food!

Little Ms J said...

Girl, I'd be devastated. I love food and if all my lunch excursions turned out to be trash I'd be so upset. Hope you find the perfect restaurant to turn things around!

jessalyn said...

i would cry. i love going out to eat, and if it was always horrible, i would cry. a lot.

Kellyansapansa said...

Wow, that's really bad luck. There's nothing worse than paying for a disappointing meal.

WhisperingWriter said...

Go to Olive Garden. All the stuff there is amazing. I've never been disappointed.

PinkPatentMaryJanes said...

I have been known to get all wobbly in the bottom lip department when a less-than-satisfying dish {invariably} ends up in front of me. However, your meals sound positively gag-inducing - stick with breakfast and evening meals I reckon. Or cocktails...

♥Aubrey said...

I say...TAKE IT TO THE KITCHEN!!!
Have a few words with the chef and pray he doesn't spit in your food :)- Lol

Heafo said...

You and Micko should have gone at it for lunch... Oh yeah I guess then Micko would have been the one who was disappointed! Sorry, couldn't resist. Lovin' the blog Nimrod.

Valentine Devlieghere said...

You have a great blog!
Best of luck! ;)

Follow me if you want on http://ptitevalentine-be.blogspot.com/

x Valentine

The Boob Nazi said...

That's why I end up eating the same things all the time. I hate ordering something new and not liking it!

Yankee Girl said...

I HATE spending money on bad food. I am not afraid to send something back...but I try to do it as little as possible to save myself from all the spit I might be aquiring.

foxy said...

Man, horrible food at a restaurant can ruin my mood like nothing else. And I totally understand crying over it, as I have before too.

Who in their right mind serves tuna anything but rare?? And for $26??? COME ON.

HeatherLynn said...

come to America, i'll hook you up with some of that yellow cheese you like so much! ;)

~hl~

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

mmmm currrrrrry

"Seattle" Heather said...

Karls might I suggest you read the reviews the places you are going to be dining in before you go...you might get some insight on what to order...just a thought chickie. :)

Tracie said...

How do you have such bad luck in restaurants???? I'm with Seattle Heather, start checking the reviews.

Christine Vi said...

Aw that's not fun! Reviews might help. But I agree, how can they mess up curry??

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