Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Stupid Shit - Part II

In my younger days, I was pretty hardcore - or stupid, but I like hardcore better.  If you miss the first confession of my youthful stupidity, check this out.  

Anyways... this brings me to Stupid Shit - Part II

Once upon a time... there was a drunken train wreck of a girl.  She often found herself in ridiculous, and often dangerous, situations.

The scene of one such story is set in the Sports Bar at the Croydon Hotel (a quality establishment in the outer 'burbs of Melbourne).  She is around 18 years old... you bet your sweet arse she is decked out in the ugliest clothes you've ever seen... without a lick of make up on.  Her and a friend had been drinking heavily and decided to walk home (which was fucking AGES away so no idea why she would think that was cool - probably drank her way through her taxi money).  

Mangina (her girlfriend - not her real name, although those who know Karls in real life will know this hairy spadgered girl - she likely has less hair downstairs than Karls 70s porn bush these days) and Karls met this guy at the pub and were walking down the dark streets on the long trek home.  They were cheerful and happy... until...

A car pulled up... a couple of dudes got out, ran towards the 3 of them and starting kicking the shit out of their male walking companion.  He scampered away like a scared little boy.  Leaving Karls and Mangina to their fate.  They stood there like a couple of 'roo's in the headlights.  These psychopathic lunatics turned their frustration onto the girls - punching and kicking Mangina before running off into the darkness (still not sure how Karls remained relatively unscathed).

A few seconds later, a girl runs towards these two helpless drunken souls.  She asks, 'Are you girls orright?' and extends her hand to pick them up off the footpath.  Karls and Mangina decide to walk back to the pub and make a complaint to the Police (who generally set up residency each and every Friday night at this quality establishment).  The good samaritan helps the forlorn girlies walk back a couple of hundred metres.  

And that is when the unthinkable happens.  Good samaritan goes straight for Mangina's hand, rips out her wallet, runs down the street and jumps in the car with the psychotic lunatics!  

Shedding a few tears, shaky and instantly sober as an ox, the pair make it across the highway to the Cops... who take down their complaint but inform them that there is very little chance anything will be done about it.  Karls and Mangina borrow $20 for the cab ride home.

Now, this should have been the last stupid stunt this pair pulled... of course, it wasn't.  Many more near misses were to happen throughout their friendship (which continues to today - minus a couple of rough patches)... Some made for hilarious stories which they will often share after a couple of beers, others were so horrific they were never spoken of again. 

Rest assured.. Karls and Mangina have learnt many lessons throughout their friendship... thankfully, they are both still here to tell the tale!

17 comments:

Katie said...

I wanted to stop by and thank you for dropping by my blog to take a look (I'm a bit behind...sorry!) and I was floored by this story! So horrible! I'm glad you and your friend ended up OK in the end.
Thanks for allowing a little glimpse into your life.
be well,
Katie
http://katiejustsayin.blogspot.com/

The Boob Nazi said...

And this is why I don't drink!

Christine Vi said...

Whoa! I'm glad you and your friend didn't get into worse trouble (although you're storytelling tells me that there are more cases where I'd be happy nothing worse happened). Some people are just crazy!

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...

OMG! This is terrible!! I can't believe that happened to you! Shoot, I used to go down to Tijuana Mexico as a teenager at night and this crap didn't happen.

I don't think. At least not that I can remember.

jprp said...

Geez Karls! Thats crazy - but at the Croydon, I'm not surprised! I remember deciding it was a good idea to walk home from there quite a few times!

aladdinsane12 said...

oh my god! that is absolutely heinous! but at least you didn't get stabbed or something...i guess that's one upside...

Brown Girl said...

Holy shit that's craziness!!! Glad you are alive to tell the story!

Little Ms J said...

I want to post something pithy, but my brain keeps flashing to the name "Mangina." Best nickname ever.

Taryn Rucci said...

eek! What a horrible "incident". Although it was pretty bad, it could have been a lot worse I guess, so it's good to see you are still hear to tell the tale.

Look forward to hearing some more Mangina and Karl stories! xxx

"Seattle" Heather said...

That is a terrible story...although I have to ask would you do things differently today if you had a chance to do it all over again? For example: Like run after the chick and beat the shit out of her?

JennyMac said...

YIKES...but we all have lived a liquor laced tale..LOL.

HeatherLynn said...

Whoa! that's effin scary Karls! I'm so glad nothing worse happened to you! I mean, wow! beat up AND robbed....you sure know how to spice up a rather dull drunken night out on the town don't you?!

goodness!

~hl~

foxy said...

That is so scary - WTF?

And this "70s porn bush"? That just happens after you get married, right?

bananas. said...

OMG that is craziness!! How is it that everything bad happened to your poor friend and not you? You are lucky, karls. Its a shitty story but its a good shitty story to tell. Thanks for sharing!

Amy said...

First, I love that you nicknamed your friend "man-gina"

When my friends and I were in high school, we'd drive to new orleans and spend hours on bourbon street kissing random guys. Looking back I am disgusted and really happy I somehow dodged herpes!

Glad you made it unscathed, love:)

Tracie said...

Yikes! I'm glad you 2 survived. That could have been much worse.

I can't stand to think about all the stupid shit I did in college. The good thing is I was so trashed that I can't remember half of it.

Masala Chica said...

That is some crazy ass shit karls. so glad you were ok. I look back at some of the stupid shit i did in college and post college and can't believe I am alive and even can laugh about. when i really should be in a ditch somewhere - i was retarded. and i wonder where shaila gets it from? sheesh.
Kiran

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