When I was younger, so much younger than today-ay... Okay, enough of The Beatles, let's get down and diirty.
When I was younger... I was a walking, talking, 90s cliche of a late teen. I was insecure, got into fights and binge drank like a trooper! The only thing I wasn't doing was having sex (well intercourse) - that didn't happen till I was 18 and a half (I can't actually believe that one myself).
I wore ripped jeans, brown cardigans and Chuck Taylors, Vans or Visions. I had super long hair that parted in the middle (clean though - I hate the feeling of dirty hair). Spent my days wishing I was hard core enough to shoot heroin like Kurt (but smart enough to know not to) and listened to anything loud - the louder the better (that still remains the same). I was angry and had the teen angst thing down pact.
I thought I'd share one story from my youth with ya'll... please don't hate me! I'm quite a different person these days! There are plenty more to follow down the track - I've got a vault full of nasty surprises from my past. Sometimes I don't even recognise the old me - scratch that... make that ALL the time!
I was dating a guy who was SUPER hot... We'll call him 'big cock' (for obvious reasons - two in fact - he had a big appendage and he was a cock head). Big cock spent his life trying to push my buttons. He was a chronic flirter and was forever trying to drill into my head that he was 'too good looking for me'. Wanker? Oh yeah... but the sex was amazing (he was my first).
He instigated quite a few of my finer moments... one in particular?
Well, he'd been flirting with a girl from school. It was 2 of my best mates 18th birthday party and I was the lead singer in the band that was playing. My girlfriends organised a band to come on briefly before us (we were the headliner) but these guys were show ponies just kept on playing... and playing... and playing! As I got more and more pissed off... I got more and more pissed (the drunk variety). Big cock was already way smashed! He started to tell me how hot this chick was and how she'd been making a move (now, I'm sure it was in his imagination - but then, I wanted to fucking kill this girl).
By the time we (the band) got on stage, I was soooo drunk I couldn't even talk (let alone sing)... We broke up that night (the band, not me and Big cock - although I probably should have ended it there and then). So, I'm soooo mad at the first band, my disbanded band (FYI we were called Non Sobriety - how hardcore!), the girl and Big cock, that when Big cock and the girl head outside, I follow them, grab my empty stubby (a beer for those not Aussie) and smash the end off on the concrete. I then run at the girl screaming, 'You're fucked now bitch! I'm going to stubby you!'.
Of course, I didn't - my bark was much worse than my bite. My girlfriends came running out to calm me down and I think I might have even apologised (and possibly spewed later on). That night, Big cock came home and had spew convulsions (from the lovely blend of illegal drugs and bourbon he'd consumed), then my dog ate it. Gross!
So there... Now you know what an arsehole of a teen I was... still wanna be friends?
the hard questions
2 years ago