Thursday, January 28, 2010

I come from the land downunder

Australia Day...  sometimes known as Invasion Day.  It's a celebration of the arrival of the First Fleet into Sydney cove 222 years ago.  The day Australia changed forever.

For me, it's a mixed bag of emotion.  I love this country with all of my heart.  I love the contrasts... the dense rainforest, the pristine beaches, the vast expanses of red dirt.  It's such a magical place.
I love the lifestyle, our laid back attitude and our love of the outdoors.  Barbies in the backyard over summer... floating around in the river or ocean... Mateship... Footy... Cricket... Vegemite... There is so much to love here and for the most part I'm an insanely proud Aussie.

The part I'm no so insanely proud?  It's history... forever marred by our treatment of those who called this land home for the 40,000 years before us 'white folk' settled here.   That, and the wankers who quickly forget that this country has been founded on immigration.  The cockheads who proudly display 'Go Home' stickers on the back of their utes.  The fuck wits who think they have more right to this place than anyone else because of their pale skin and small minded attitudes.  This is the part that causes me to be torn.

Now don't get me wrong... Australians aren't all racist freaks!  Just some... and after watching Dr Phil today, I've realised it's not just an Australian issue.  Seems the world is full of them.  That made me feel a little better.

Enough politics... now to the fun stuff!  The Q&A!

Coffee - We DEFINITELY have coffee!  Aussies drink (on average) 288 cups per year... so not only do we have coffee here, we fucking love the stuff!  We even have Starbucks (although I think they closed most of their shops here earlier in the year).

Doona -  I'm not sure what you'd call it.  I've heard the words 'duvet' thrown around a bit.  It's a casing for a quilt - like a duck down thing - although usually it just has fake foamy shit in it.  We don't do sheets and blankets so much here.  Mainly cause we are lazy fuckers.

Kangaroo - probably unlikely to kill you.  They fuck off before you get close enough.  There are twice as many 'roo's as people and they can be a real pain in the arse for farmers.  Hence, the introduction of roo to the diet.  It was reserved for dog food, but now it's practically gourmet.  As for the taste?  It's super lean, melts in your mouth (if not over cooked - must be med rare or rare) and the taste... well, there is nothing I could really liken it too.  Kind of smokey meat... consistency of a good steak.  Fucking delicious!!

Vegemite (also known as Vaginamite) - I guess it's kind of like nuclear waste that you spread on toast.  It's very tangy and you want to go super light on the spread.  If you'd like to try some, let me know.  I've got some single serve packs I can send out to you.  That is, if it can get through the postal service.  I think I remember something about Vegemite not making it into the states - I guess they think the Nuclear waste taste could quite well be actually Nuclear waste.

A Prawn - I think you guys call it a shrimp.  Sometimes we call ugly bitches with good bodies prawns.  You know?  Good body, fugly head.

Mate - Well... what can I say.  Aussie's aren't much for fluff and pomper.  We don't call people by their titles... everyone is on a first name basis.  In fact, that's not quite true, most of us are on nickname basis.  For example:  My name?  Well, it's Karly.  I hardly EVER get called that!  I get Karls, Karlsy or Nimms (an abb. of my last name).  Micko?  Well, he is Michael... so it's automatically Mick - the 'o' is just something we add.  John - usually Jono or Jack.  Gynaecologist... well it's a gyno.

While I'm on the topic of language... mostly we speak in questions... not literally questions but we generally finish every sentence in an upward inflection - like a question.

And finally... Cheese?  Well it's a light yellow or creamy colour... but not orange... DEFINITELY not orange!

Congrats on making it to the end of the longest. post. ever!  It's unAustralian to have worked so hard on one job.  Time to go have a coffee and some vaginamite on toast.

Hooroo!  See ya round like a rissole, bitches!

Post Script:  I can't believe I almost missed the most important part of Australia Day (although this year was the first year I didn't really get into it - music seems to have been really lame this past year)... The Triple J Hottest 100.  An Australian institution!  The biggest music poll in the world is counted down every Australia day (or so JJJ claim - although they have no reason to lie... last year there were 1.1 million votes).  Usually involves beer, beer, beer, radio cranked, some form of pool.


drollgirl said...

dude. all the aussies i've ever met are rad! i'd love to visit your country! hell, i'd adopt it as my second home if i could!

i think the country i am in has mostly good people, too, but we also have a fair amount of bigots and racists that i would like to line up and shoot.

foxy said...

Yeah, those racist turds seem to be everywhere and are the embarrassment of every nation. I didn't know too much about Australia's history until I saw Rabbit Proof Fence, which was a really moving story and gave some insight into that story, at least.

I like the prawn reference for the ugly face/good body and might just start using it here.

And Vegemite looks mighty scary. Just sayin.

Cathy said...

Prawn to describe ugly face/hot bod is awesome!

Also, idiot racist small minded people are everywhere.

You have renewed my love for Australia.

Do you have questions about the US?? I'd love to try and answer them!

The Boob Nazi said...

And now I'm singing that stupid/awesome song.

bananas. said...

Eww vegemite aka as vaginamite? Sick and no thank you. I probably couldn't ever eat kangaroo either but your cheese looks divine. Break me off a piece of that! Happy down under day!

Charis said...

Ummm I have a few things to say -

Vegemite? Grosss!

2 Kangaroos per 1 human? Awesome

Immigration opinions suck? Here too, yes, absolutely. Several weeks ago I sat in a room with a teacher who said how she didn't want to learn Spanish (in quite a derogatory manner) although 75% of her students only speak that language. I held back from mentioning how her grandparents were the same way, and how Italian rather than Spanish doesn't mean much. I also wanted to punch her in the face, but I restrained myself from that too. After all, eventually she'll be a distant cousin, or something (she's a soon to be in law)

And finally, so THAT'S what a shrimp looks like before they cut the heads off? Groooossss! I'm never eating one again. They really ARE the cockroaches of the ocean! Sad, I used to love me a good shrimp cocktail....No more!

Great post babe! I wanna visit Australia one day - it's on the list!

kate said...

we always have a top 10 prediction comp. predict your top 10 and throw in a fiver. three points for right song in right place. two for right song wrong place. one for right artist, wrong song.

this year we had to make it 11-2 because of the total fuckup abc made by leaking the number one song. i was upset because i would have totally picked mumford...really...but then i managed to pick seven of the 11-2 songs and won the cash prize. winner.

now, after that little brag, i would like to say i totally agree with teh racist stuff. as in, agree with you - not the racists. it actually really upsets me.

story time: i delete facebook 'friends' if they uplaod racist (or homophobic etc etc) status updates. this one guy joined the group 'speak english or eff off' but his dad had died only a few weeks earlier and i couldn't bring myself to dump him.

so i offloaded in my own update about how upset racists made me and that i would be culling anyone who expresses racists views on facey. 'he' replied in utter agreement. i was dumbfounded. he even said how some people are so oblivious that things they say are racist. argh.

anyway, can rant.


Jenni said...

Love the rundown! Thanks for clearing all that up Karls...Or Karly...Or whoever you are...


Masala Chica said...

Karls - I am so happy to be back and read you. Three days of hiz-ell at work and finally back. I was with a colleague from sydney this week and i wanted to be all like, saying things like, "hey so are you on the blob?" and stuff but I wasn't sure how it would go over. I did tell him my friend likes kangaroo (awesome he said) and that she finds big monster snakes in her new patio.
Happy Australia Day (belated) and screw racist assholes.

BTW - just read the book "The Help" and boy was it amazing. read it if you can.

Alicia said...

DUDE! i need to go to australia. it sounds just absolutely gorgeous! and holy crap i had no idea that you guys ate roo!! i almost choked when i read that!! as for the vegemite...i'm TOTALLY curious as to what it tastes like...but i'm probably allergic to it because i'm allergic to friggin EVERY THING. one more thing....i'm SO jealous you have a cool nick name. i've never had a good one. i feel so deprived!

Christine Vi said...

I think the immigration attitude of some people is everywhere in the world. It's certainly here in the US. My friend introduced me to Vegemite! It was and still is a bit strange and takes some getting used to, but I don't think it's bad.

Thanks for taking one post to talk about Australia! I've never been there, but it's on my list of places to visit!

Post Grad Hair Cut said...

Great post! Happy Australia Day! I would love to visit some day.

nuheila said...

Lovely post,now i know much more...
Never been there,but may be one day:)

Have a fab day!


HeatherLynn said...

well i think you've cured my curiosity for vegimite....just by saying it's called vaginamite! ummm...yeah, totally cured me! I'll have to pass on it! lol

we have the same issues about the whole "go home" thing...lots of people in this country like to pretend that they aren't descended from immigrants...and oh, wow, look what WE did to the American Indians, we freaking slaughtered them! So don't feel bad, our heritage is sketchy over here too. it is everywhere....England...."off with their heads"....Everyone knows the Roman Empire's rise to power....we're all a bunch of prats i think!

I can't believe you guys eat kangaroos. do they have kangaroo farms where they grow them like we have cattle farms and hog farms?


Iva said...

Eww vegemite aka as vaginamite? EEEKK. LOL AND I couldn't ever eat kangaroo either! Happy down under day!! ;)

Amy said...

I am officially moving down under!

Love coffee, dig the duvet, think that nicknames are FANTASTIC (you can call me Ames), think I'd really enjoy the kangaroo, and I'm from Louisiana...Shrimp are eaten daily.

The only thing that may squigg me out: The Vegemite. I'm a little leery on that one Karls!

Ghada said...

well, hello hello! Enjoyed reading your post from across the ditch in Christchurch, NZ. I'm a bit like you - I've done some tooing and fro-ing between here and Canada. I suppose the grass is always greener...Racism IS definitely everywhere, sometimes it feels bigger down under I suppose because their really is alot less contrast in cultures, more so in NZ than OZ.
Hope you had a great day...even I have heard of the Triple J countdown


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