Thursday, January 21, 2010

Chalk and Cheese

**** A word of warning...
if you are easily offended, tune out now!****
** I'm totally throwing out there all the stereotypes of Americans I know**
*You guys know I love you, right?*

Since joining this blog I've never had so much contact with Americans in my entire life.  Although we both speak English, have similar television programming (a massive portion of what we watch here is American) and similar lifestyles... there is soooo much that makes us different.

Firstly... Americans are fat?  Well... from the fine bitches I've come across in blogland, there ain't a lick of truth to it.

But if it is in fact true... I imagine it comes down to some of the following...

This stuff, you call cheese?

This shot was taken by a mate of mine 'Cupcake' while she was in Vegas, baby.  She calls it the awesome Vegas Sanga... I call it heart attack between 2 slices of bread (at least the lettuce looks nice and I'll give it props if it is on multigrain - can't really be sure)

It looks more like a couple of slices of paw paw, sitting on top of half a pig!
Ummmm... Hey dudes!  That is not cheese!  That's not even 51% cheese - amazing what you can find out via google.  Milk is not orange, therefore cheese should not be orange.

And while we are on the food bandwagon... sweets are sweets and should not be consumed before noon - unless you're on the blob - then a packet of jumbo TV Mix is more than fine.  Waffles with maple syrup for breakfast?  I'll never understand!  Toast with honey, yoghurt or banana smoothie is about as sweet as it should get.

Now, I'm probably spouting off every stereotype of an American diet as I possibly can... feel free to correct me.   Also feel free to make some kangaroo or 'throw another shrimp on the barbie' cracks.  (Kangaroo, incidentally, is a very lean red meat, is fantastic for the environment and devine on the palette - we eat it at least once a week - no bullshit... I should say 'we' is me and Micko not all Australians)

Back to my point though... hang on!  Was there one?

Oh yeah... I was outlining the subtle differences between cultures.

It might shock you to learn I've never had a peanut butter cup (is that what they are called - blogging was the first place I'd ever heard of this so called peanut butter cup) and I've never seen Jersey Shore.  The language thing, I usually get, cause I watch the TV...

One thing I do love... You're willingness to praise others.  As a vast generalisation, here in Australia, we tend to cut people down.  We don't like to praise others in case they 'get a big head'.  It's called Tall Poppy Syndrome and it's rife!

So now, I'm about to turn the tables...

I'm sure there are things that I've said that don't make a lick of sense to you... words I've used perhaps?  Statements I've made... things I've referred to?

So, today... Ask me anything about what confuses you... or anything you'd like to know about my life and/or Australia.
I'll answer everything as truthfully as I can.
Cause that's the way I roll!
What you see is totally what you get with me... I ain't got nothing to hide.

And you know what (almost the most famous Australians) ACDC said:
 'It's a long way to the shop if you want a sausage roll'.

Feel free to comment away... or use the contact me link and drop me a line.


drollgirl said...

well, you had me at AC DC!

you must try peanut butter cups. TO DIE FOR. and jersey shore is the trashiest trashy tv in america, and it is fantastic!

now on to you aussies. you have some really hot men, and i need one. send me the best one you've got. hurry. HURRY! :)

p.s. ac dc was rad. back in the bon scott days. now, not so much, but back then....TOPS!

Brown Girl said...

Um GIRL you are missing out because CHEESE fucking rocks my world, like seriously!!! ALL colors of cheese, even the yellow shizzzz...mmmm!

What's up with calling people "mate", Mate? Ha

♥Aubrey said...

You got me with pictures of food...YUMMO!!! Can you tell i'm hungry? Lol

Well...first let me say...luv your blog and the way you phrase things. Funny-funny :)
Whoo-hoo for being truthful. There are SOOOooo many that aren't and i've had it to my eyeballs in reading their garbage.

Have a wonderful Wednesday hun. I'm going to find me some grub.

Masala Chica said...

I am so very confused. What do you mean that cheese is not yellow? (I am scratching my head). Because, you see, growing up all I had were these processed cheese slices from a company named Kraft that came in little plastic wrappers. That cheese on that sandwich?

That looks gourmet compared to what I grew up on.

I would love to eat kangaroo with you. I think. Can we wash it down with some booze though? I think I will like it more.

I don't always get your terms. like you said something about "being on the blob." I don't know what that means, but I giggle because it sounds really cute. I think to myself, oh Karls, look at you being all Aussie! And I feel really cool pretending I know "aussie." so its all good.

If you have never had peanut butter cups, I will bring them with me for after the kangaroo, ok?

Cathy said...

That sandwich looks divine. For real. I love ham. And cheese. But I live in Minnesota which is right next to Wisconsin-the cheese making I, like, have to love cheese.

And OMG you've never had a peanut butter cup. I am crying for you. Crying.

All I know about Australia is I really want to go there and talk to a real live Aussie. And not get killed by those crazy kangaroos.

kate said...

get yourself a peanut butter cup. now. they are the bomb dot com.

HeatherLynn said...

so what you're saying is you'd like for me to send you all my peanut butter cups?

btw, eat them frozen...oh so good!

as for this whole cheese thing....ummm..what does YOUR cheese look like? I will agree, that's an awful lot of ham, i wouldn't desire for there to be so much...i'd probably just eat more of this stuff we call cheese! ;)


Kellyansapansa said...

Peanut butter cups are to die for! And I have to say, I loved the orange cheese when I visited the States. In fact, my favourite meal over there quickly became a bagel with orange cheese and cream cheese. Our cheese seems so pasty in comparison ...

The Boob Nazi said...

I'm lactose intolerant and dislike cheese. That's all.
And what does kangaroo taste like? Does any meat compare?

kys said...

Peanut butter cups are worth the plane fare to the states. For reals.

Is vegemite as disgusting as it sounds?

Sharnanigans said...

I would like to comment but I am not American.


bananas. said...

well i can't really diss you aussies...i have a soft sport for ya'll ever since i was younger when i was the new kid at camp and counselor clint (an aussie) befriended me. he called my MOI-RA and i loved it!

now, having said that, do not...and i mean, DO NOT diss the cheese.

i will eat your face and then that sandwich! HA!!!!!!

oh and i can tear a person apart. you haven't got that vibe from me yet? hmmm...that's good ;)

heart ya aussie.

Little Ms J said...

I'm not one for the processed cheese or eating swine, for that matter, but peanut butter cups? Girl, get on board.

I have no idea what being on your blob is about...?


Punno said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
'Cupcake' said...

First of all, we speak English, they speak American..
Really, enough said..
Oh and waffles and maple syrup in the morning is DEVINE!!
But just on my birthday..
And Boys birthday..
Aside from that it is for an after dinner treat.. Well my mini waffles are..

Oh I can show you some WONDERFUL photos of the disgusting food I had over in the state..
Coming home to the magnificent Roast meat accompanied by almost every kind of vegie that goes with a roast that you could think of..
Even their SALADS were disgusting..

Oh and the lettuce was crips and delicious, the ham was wonderful, the bread, yes it was Multigrain, was fresh and fluffy and delicious..
I asked for chedder cheese though.. And foolishly, forgot that american chedder cheese isnt the delicious light yellow, tangy cheese we have over here.. Its.. its.. its.. THAT!
I was just as appalled when I discovered what they did with their butter..
But thats a tale for another day..

Lora said...

you think that cheese is bad? wait until you try "american" cheese

I'll admit that I once in awhile can't stay away from the "processed food product"

but by and large...yeah.

cheese in a can--now there's something that threw my message board Aussie and British friends when I told them about it!

Visiting you from SITS today, and giggled through the whole post :) Have a wonderful day!

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Adorably Distracted... said...

That sandwich looks bangin!!! i'm on a diet and starving so that's probably why! In our defense... i think vegas sandwiches are bigger- some at least. I usually only use one or two slices of meat and not 7. I guess some guys could eat a sandwhich like that. hmm who knows.

Do you guys drink Coffee over there?

Amy said...

AC/DC is from Australia?! I seriously didn't know that and feel like a dumbass now!

I totally agree that we Americans have food issues! It's quite disgusting really! Somehow our culture got the mentality bigger is better concerning food! Portions are out of control and trans fat and heeping servings of sugar pollute our meals.

I've never had an Aussie friend before, so I'm quite intrigued by your word usage at times. I may now know what an expression means, but it sounds totally kickass and I feel cooler for having read it;)

At least I'm skinny said...

Ha ha ha, I regularly don't understand words you use but I just make up my own meanings and roll with it! I am totally going to start using prawn though (I'm glad you defined it for me) and no one will know what I'm talking about and it will be amazing.


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