Friday, February 26, 2010

Pseudo Parenting - the kind without kids...

I've recently been thinking about the whole kids saga.  I'm kind of slowly leaning towards thinking about wanting them (new to me... previously, even thinking about other people having children gave me a rash).

The other weekend, my favourite Mum (Krabes) came down to visit.  She is a great mother... very calm, relaxed and positive towards her children.  And they do what they are told (well most of the time).  They are in bed by 7pm, don't get up before sunrise and generally are delightful little bundles of joy.

After about 15 beers, Krabes and began to discuss parenting.  I'd like to think I would be an encouraging Mother.  Praising good behavior... like I do with Billy.  Not raising my voice unless really necessary.   Reality could differ vastly... I'm under no false pretenses.

At Bellingen Markets, we stumbled across the following scenario.  A young boy, probably around 4-5, a Mum with a youngster in a stoller and a useless as tits on a bull husband.  As they near the street to cross the following one way conversation unfolds... calmy, very calmly:

'Sterling. Slow down. 
Sterling. There's a road coming up... please slow down.  
Sterling. Slow down now.  
Sterling... what do we do when we near a road? We slow down... remember.  
Okay Sterling slow down.  
Sterling. Slow down.  
Okay Sterling... Stop please.  
Sterling. Stop now please.  
Sterling. Did you hear me? I said stop now Sterling.  
Come on Sterling, stop now please.  
Sterling, please stop.
Please Sterling, stop here.
Yes, Sterling, we're stopping here now.
Stop Sterling.
Sterling stop!'
Finally the kid stops... 
the Mum says, 'Good listening skills Sterling!'. Me and Micko look at each other in bewilderment. 
Firstly: What the fuck was the lazy arse husband doing all this time? 
Secondly: Good listening skills? If they were 'good listening skills' I'd hate to see bad ones!

Disclaimer: I know! I know! It's easy to pass judgement when you're not in their situation. I'm not a parent, therefore I have no idea how I would react in this situation.  

Although, I do know how Micko would react. He would stop standing there like a lazy good for nothing dumb fuck and grab the little shits hand. Then he'd probably say something along the lines of : 

'Sterling you little fucker! Did you hear your mother?'  

Okay, okay... so he probably wouldn't say 'Sterling you little fucker'....

Mainly cause we would never call our child Sterling.


Princess Andy said...

and THAT right there is a prime example of why this generation of kids have no effing respect and do whatever they want.

stOOpid pansy-homeschooling-attachment parenting-breastfeeding 'til 8 years old-organic loving-butt lickers.

thank you. i totally needed to let that out.


bananas. said...

HA!!! i was just thinking what a sissy pants name that was.

i would've laughed my bum off if i witnessed that and heck yes i would judge because if that were me...sterling would be tackled to the ground. oh what? that's not allowed?!

ha! no kids for me then :)

Homesick Cajun said...

Lmao @ not calling him Sterling!! Most "normal" mother's would have lost there tempers halfway through that conversation!!

A lot of times you'll see a woman/man with their children and the kids are being on their best behavior and it all looks like the perfect little family. That's rarely the case! are bad, but they're also good! Lol..

Alicia said...

HA! there's no way jordan would ever stand by like a waste of space while i dealt with the bratty kid on my own. heck no! we suffer together!!! and what kid of name is sterling!?!?!

jprp said...

I think you'd be an awesome Mum Karls, and your kids would have totally rad names, not like sterling!!!

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...

Based on this blog posting alone, I can tell that you would be a great mum.

And how long until that lady hates her kids name? Out of sheer over use she is bound to hate it in 2.3 years.

Taryn Rucci said...

Jesus Christ. There are some strange parents in this world. I guess it makes for an interesting place. I always wanted to be that Calm, collect, Frappuccino drinking mother. I wonder what happened to her. She evaporated slowly as the kids got older! LOL

kate said...

ha. i knew you would say something about the name. one of my best friends in the world is named stirling. since i absolutely adore him, i am immune to the fact his name's kind of weird.

anyway, i am feeling a bit the same as you at the moment. i have some quite clucky moments. mostly when i am hanging with the boy and know i want his babies :)

but then there are experiences, like when i was playing WAG at the boy's cricket the other day, and EVERY OTHER WAG had at least two kids, and it was a freakin' circus. i couldn't get out of there more quickly.

happy weekend mate


Nicky said...

You really are a cracker

Thanks for the inspiration for my next post!!

Oh Sterlinggggggggggggg, you are such a good listener! Well done on using those skills.

*punch punch punch*

Queen Belicious said...

Amen sister! I'm a mum and I'm with you. Shits me to tears to see parents like that who just let their kids do whatever and then praise them for it.

I used to work in child protection, and I saw this EXACT thing a lot.

meredith said...

omg. if i didn't ALREADY love you...

i once read this article while waiting to checkout at the grocery store that said children are supposed to be rewarded for good behavior and not disciplined for bad. WTF is what i say to that.

meredith said...

i laughed my ass the whole way through. please have kids.

♥Aubrey said...

Sterling...really?!!! This family must be into jewelry or something :)-

That boy has no listening skills what-so-ever. If my kids don't do what i say by the second time i ask...they are in trouble and they know it. That's the BEST part of being a parent...WHAT WE SAY GOES!!!

.......END OF STORY.......

aladdinsane12 said...

yeah, i'm pretty sure i do NOT have the patience for children, because if i were you i would have started screaming at sterling, who isn't even my child!

Masala Chica said...

dude - i can't imagine naming a kid sterling. that is the name of one of my best friend's dog, a town that is close by and also the type of silver that I never use.

that's about effin it.

karls, you and micko would have lovely, well behaved little children who would be so obedient you would just think parenting was a breeze (snort). NOT.

Shaila is the revenge that someone (god was it you? thanks) had to tell me what a shmucko i was. she is so going to repeat every mistake i ever made - no matter what i tell her. because she is stubborn like that.

micko can say whatever the heck he wants as long as you don't name your child sterling.

Smart Ass Sara said...

That's nothing. My 4 year old refuses to poop. For days. Until it starts DRIPPING OUT which means I have to do an enema. Screaming ensues. I have to say, "Push, keep pushing" as if she's going into god damn labor. Then we have to admire the poop. Clap for the poop and say goodbye to the poop as it goes down.

I won't even talk about my almost 2 year old son.

And it's ok to swear at the kids. Olivia (the 4 year old) once told a cashier, "We're cute but we drive momma bat shit crazy".

Yes- you do.

Brown Girl said...

LOL! I wasn't expecting that. Kids are a new idea to me too. I'm still nervous about the whole kid debacle.

The Boob Nazi said...

Maybe he had autism? haha but I would go crazy with that....

WhisperingWriter said...

Yes, I've come across many parents who sit back and let their kids do what they want.

And sadly, most of the times the husband do just sit back and do nothing. Mine will unless I scream at him to, well, do something. I'm all, "Are you just going to STAND there like a dip?"

(Maybe Sterling acting up because his parents named him STERLING though. I wouldn't be pleased with that name.)

Kellyansapansa said...

Another one to add to my list of many reasons why I will never be having kids.

Kelly said...

Very funny! Love what Princess Andy said...still laughing and kinda my thoughts exactly!
Btw...your blog was recommended by someone at Connect MEme Monday so following now!

HeatherLynn said...

Yeah, I don't think I could ever be THAT mommy....My kids will mind, or they will get left behind! ;)

I mean, being human is a prerequisite for being a kid of mine...if you can't behave, you're going to hate the alternative.

I think though, and this is strictly theory, if you stay consistent (i hear this from all the moms) stay consistent and don't be wishy washy, and your kids will get what's expected of them and what's NOT acceptable.


I don't know though, i've seen some little monsters out there...and very frazzled parents...and I've seen monster parents with Angelic children....i say children are like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get! Good luck! :)


foxy said...

I'm the best parent without kids that I know. I need to teach classes and such!

Christine Vi said...

Hahaha. Sterling is an odd name, I've never heard it used before. I read a book for class called "I Just Want My Kids to Be Happy! Why You Shouldn't Say It, Why You Shouldn't Think It, What You Should Embrace Instead" by Aaron Cooper and he talks about how the parents of this generation's attitude hurts their children's development. I kind of agree. Although my parents are the immigrants who always push for education and success... hey it works! Parents need to crack the whip on bad behavior.

Anonymous said...

I laughed my ass off at this.

Welcome to SITS. We're glad to have you.

Amy said...

That kid is going to get the piss beat out of him with a name like Sterling! Christs sake!!

I NEVER wanted kids. My husband however always wanted a soccer team. I didn't have Jackson until I turned 30, which is a little on the late side to just be starting. It hasn't been easy. It's fucking hard. But I wouldn't trade that little guy for anything. He's is so freaking funny!

Oh, and yes, having a husband who helps is a total Godsend! Don't understand those daddys that don't change diapers or give baths. Douchebags!


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