So, I'm guessing you are all super keen to hear the in's and out's (no pun intended) of my pap smear? Well, I won't go into too much detail. Although I will say this, having a see through plastic penis shoved in your spadger, and a cold metal spatula scraping your insides out, is certainly not my idea of a 'good time'! Having said that, I'm totally stoked those pinching metal clamps they used last time are no longer in circulation.
Here is what annoyed me more than the Pap Smear... the waiting room! My appointment was at 3.15... when did I get to see the Doc? Just after 5pm! Yes! Almost 2 hours late! By the time I got in there, I explained to her that I usually react badly to foreign objects being put inside my snatch. Then, out of the blue, I started bawling my eyes out. Embarrassing? Ummm fucking oath! Of course, she just sat their looking at me like I'd just pushed the door in or her to say a friendly 'G'day' while having a crap in a public toilet (being sheer bewilderment).
Generally I like to save up my ailments for a visit to the dreaded Doc's. I don't want to spend $90 to go in and come out 5 minutes later (after sitting in a waiting room full of disgusting germs for an eternity) with a prescription for a $10 bottle of pills. My ear has been playing up forever. So, I made the most of it and got her to check that out too. It's infected and I've got these drops I've got to put in (and lie still for 5 minutes while it soaks in) 3 times a day! I'm so glad I work from home because all I can smell is the sweet scent of ear wax. Kind of like when you stick your fingers down your pants and have to take a sniff... interesting and not really that offensive (cause it's my smell).
I kind of am!