Friday, March 5, 2010

Patients is a virtue (pun intended)

So, I'm guessing you are all super keen to hear the in's and out's (no pun intended) of my pap smear?   Well, I won't go into too much detail.  Although I will say this, having a see through plastic penis shoved in your spadger, and a cold metal spatula scraping your insides out, is certainly not my idea of a 'good time'!  Having said that, I'm totally stoked those pinching metal clamps they used last time are no longer in circulation.

Here is what annoyed me more than the Pap Smear... the waiting room!  My appointment was at 3.15... when did I get to see the Doc?  Just after 5pm!  Yes!  Almost 2 hours late!  By the time I got in there, I explained to her that I usually react badly to foreign objects being put inside my snatch.  Then, out of the blue, I started bawling my eyes out.  Embarrassing?  Ummm fucking oath!  Of course, she just sat their looking at me like I'd just pushed the door in or her to say a friendly 'G'day' while having a crap in a public toilet (being sheer bewilderment).

Generally I like to save up my ailments for a visit to the dreaded Doc's.  I don't want to spend $90 to go in and come out 5 minutes later (after sitting in a waiting room full of disgusting germs for an eternity) with a prescription for a $10 bottle of pills.  My ear has been playing up forever.  So, I made the most of it and got her to check that out too.  It's infected and I've got these drops I've got to put in (and lie still for 5 minutes while it soaks in) 3 times a day!  I'm so glad I work from home because all I can smell is the sweet scent of ear wax.  Kind of like when you stick your fingers down your pants and have to take a sniff... interesting and not really that offensive (cause it's my smell).

Grossed out?

I kind of am!

22 comments:

kate said...

spadger. ha!

meredith said...

omg, i learn such cool aussie speak from you.

gaaahh, nice to know america isn't the only country with long waits at the doc.

"Seattle" Heather said...

I so want to come visit you next! LOL

Brown Girl said...

I love reading your posts, in my head there is an aussie accent! Ha!

MommyLovesStilettos said...

I've never heard the word spadger before but I love it!!!

jprp said...

a few things i need to discuss with you today, lets start with 85 friggen followers! whore! secondly, i nearly wet my pants laughing coz i so get the "Kind of like when you stick your fingers down your pants and have to take a sniff... interesting and not really that offensive (cause it's my smell)" line, but then grossed myself out for admitting that in public! and thirdly, of course, i can't wait to make real life blof entries with you next week WOOT! have an awesome weekend spadger! xx

jprp said...

oh oh, i forgot one more, how awesome is it that in your title the brackets came out as foot prints, awwwwww!

The Boob Nazi said...

TWO HOURS?!Q?!? I would have killed them.

Babes Mami said...

I'm going to have to agree with The Boob Nazi. I give 45 minutes if busy and that takes LOTS of patience not to stab out someones eyes then I give it about ten more (the whole time visualizing said eye stabbing0 and then I get on them!

aladdinsane12 said...

you really cried?? oh no! i have WANTED to, but i never have.

and ugh, the sweet smell of ear wax? no thanks. i recently bought weird flavored jelly beans though, and one was ear wax. it tasted like apple cider, so maybe ear wax actually is sweet smelling...

drollgirl said...

a two hour wait?!?! no wonder you burst into tears! i would have done the same or wanted to fucking MURDER them!!!

p.s. andy samberg is a comedian on a popular show in the u.s. called saturday night live. i should have explained that in the post, but i am kind of lazy. ahahhaha. if you want to see some of his best handiwork, do a youtube (or hulu for the uncensored version) search for a song parody he and justin timberlake did called "dick in a box". it is a scream. :)

Kelly said...

Spadger? Hmm...can I use that one?

http://thepursuitofmommyness.com/

foxy said...

*shudders*

GAWD how i hate to have my insides 'scraped'. Gives me the freaking willies. And 2 hours late? That is freaking UNACCEPTABLE!! WTF??

jessalyn said...

everything about this post was rad. from crying at the gyno, to the ear wax/hand down the pants thing. it is even better with all the cool aussie words.
hearts!

Christine Vi said...

I absolutely love how honest you are in your posts! At least that's over... until next year. Does Micko smell the ear wax too? Maybe you just smell it more because your nose and ears are connected. Well, at least that's what I try to tell myself when I have an ear infection.

Kellyansapansa said...

Great. I'm really looking forward to the pap smear I have booked next week now. If I come out smelling like ear wax I blame you!

Julie said...

I can't believe you waited 2 hours for a pap. WOW. I give you **SO** much credit. I don't know if I would have waited for that kind of treatment! ;-) LOL

Stopping by from SITS to welcome you to the community! Blessings!

Erin said...

Lee the Hotflash Queen and Stir-Fry Awesomeness couldn't believe I hadn't been over here yet. And saw a shout out to you on Kiran's blog, so had to visit!

You'd think by now I'd be used to docs peering at my va-jay-jay. I am 33 and went through in-vitro fertilization twice to get pregnant. Needless to say, lots of people have poked around down there over the years. Doesn't mean I enjoy visiting my friendly gyno or having instruments "up there."

Hope your ear feels better soon!
;-)

Kristin said...

I will be taking your lingo with me. K..thanks...bye!

bananas. said...

i'm about to schedule my next vag appointment and this post made me really really "excited". haha...yea right! and if they make me wait 2 hours, i'll walk out assuming that was my appointment.

At least I'm skinny said...

You had your gyno check out your ear infection? That is hilarious to me!

Amy said...

Aw, Karls....you're so friggin cute I can't take it!

Also? 2 hours late??? That is ridiculous! I've been going to the same gyno for 15 years and I'm always called back within 10 minutes! 2 hours is just rude!

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