I believe all toilets were created equal - regardless of size, shape, colour or location, they all are a glittering beacon of light to me!
I'm a social outcast... probably one of the very few of my kind. You see, I happily take a dump in a public toilet... anytime. My bowel are like friggin clockwork, and if I need to go, you'd better get the fuck outta my way.
In the late 90s, I was working for a major photographic retailer in the heart of Melbourne. Each morning I'd jump on the train for my hour trek to the city. And each morning, I'd end up halfway there with a heel shoved firmly in my arse, hair standing on end and tears welling up in my eyes. My bowels wait for no man... or public transit network.
Once I'd arrived at work, those who'd already arrived and taken up their station for the day, would automatically yell out 'Hi Karls... Bye Karls' as I ran through the shop floor, holding my arse cheeks together, flying up the stairs and locking myself in the can for 10 minutes while I unleashed the demon. (told you I was like clockwork - why couldn't my clock be just that 1 hour early... or late! I'm very punctual - both in person and in poo tract)
I recall at high school, coming out of the toilets, and one of the 'cool' girls said to me; 'Karls, ummm like you should really line the bowl with toilet paper like before you take a dump. So like we don't have to like hear the splash.' Fucking bitch... I've got no probs with you hearing my splash - if you've got a problem perhaps you should block your fucking ears!
Smart Ass Sara actually inspired this topic... She mentioned that she never unleashes the demon at work... and I know there are a plethora of people out there in the same boat. I just have no concept of how you can function when you need to shit. I want that devil out of my body... asap!
Which brings me to my revelations (of which there are 2).... I'm likely to lose the respect of you guys (and perhaps a few followers here)
Firstly: I proudly shit where no woman dare shit - public dunnies... Shopping Centre, Service Station, Macca's, Park... wherever! I don't discriminate Poo Chutes. If I need go, I go.
And secondly: I don't do the Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon... I don't cover the toilet seat in paper before gently placing my rear on the carefully placed poo tickets. Hell, I don't have the time! I wipe that seat clean and I plonk my fat arse straight down on that fucker.