Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Housemate from Hell - Part 1

I was just over at Kellyanaspana (another super spunky Aussie lass) and she'd mentioned she was a massive Bon Jovi fan... also that she'd been singing the wrong lyrics to her fav track since 1986 - ummmm embarrassing!  (haha... just kidding girlfriend - although I'm quite sure I've never once uttered wrong lyrics, I can sympathise - I kidd, I kidd!  Well, sort of!).

Anywanker... It bought back some memories that I'd repressed to the very far away recesses of my mind.  The story of a housemate... a housemate from hell (Hi Tim, you tosser, if you're reading this! - just so he knows who I'm refering to.)

It was the late 90s and therefore I was dating 'Late 90s' (who you may recall from such stories as 'Worst Gift EVER!)   Late 90s had moved out of home and in with Tim (yes... it is his real name).  I started staying over regularly - well actually, I kind of just moved in.  I'm sure this put Tim out a little - knowing Late 90s, he wouldn't have brought up the topic with Tim. 

Thing Tim did to shit me:

Everytime I'd have a shower, he'd seemed to place himself right outside and would light up.  At the time I was soooo not a smoker.  The smell revolted me!  The fact that I'd be showering and getting all nice, fresh and clean, then getting soaked with smoke, made me feel a little physically sick.  Eewwwww! 

Tim was all round not my kind of bloke.  He was a pansy - the kind that talks themselves up big time (a bullshitting pansy - the worst kind).  He was also obsessed with a girl I went to school with - she was a very attractive girl and I never understood what she saw in him - even more  so after I accidently walked in on him just after he'd gotten out of the shower!  He was skinny, very pale and looked a little like Monty Burns nuded up... ewwwww!  So, the hot tottie and Tim had previously dated, but eventually she'd moved onto someone who had a set of testi's.  They were still friends and would go out from time to time.

One such Friday night (I was working early on the Saturday) he arrived home after one such 'friends date'.  He was crying like a little bitch.  He sat up in the lounge room, directly across from my room, and cranked some lame Jon Bon Jovi song - a terrible ballad.  He picked up his guitar and played and sang along - and by 'sing', I mean whine, howl and wail - inbetween sobs - until around 7am the next morning (about 10 minutes before I had to get up for work).   All night I wanted to go out there and scream 'Harden the fuck up bitch!' - but I didn't.  I wasn't an 'official' housemate (maybe I was... I was also my own kind of whiny little bitch back then).

Let it be said, he moved out not long after (although long enough for me to witness 'hot stuff' sneaking across the lawn, half dressed in the wee hours of the morn). I don't really remember the circumstances of the move...  I have a feeling they weren't all sunshine, unicorns and rainbows.

Housemate from hell?   Yeah... Although in this case, the housemate from hell was more likely freeloading me!

20 comments:

Anonymous said...

So who was the chick from high school that no nuts tim had a crush on?

Cathy said...

Boys should not cry like little bitches. That's just wrong. I basically moved in with my boyfriend(now hubs) and his 2 roommates for about 2 years while in college. I didn't help with the rent, but I would help clean!

"Seattle" Heather said...

Flash backs to the past can be scary. I'm so glad I'm not the same person I used to be...

Mimi said...

How funny!

I'm just stopping by from SITS to say hello & welcome!

drollgirl said...

can i just say that any bon jovi song makes everything a LOT WORSE!!!

MiMi said...

Boys that are bitches generally need a foot up their ass.
I have a vague feeling that I just watched a Simpson episode...

...Mrs.P! said...

Man that sucks, sounds like a total wuss! I too 'moved in' to my boyfriends place without really discussing it first, but I had to! I was already spending so much time there as it was that my Mum decided to turn my bedroom into a music, packed up all my stuff into boxes and moved them under the house. I had two choices...sleep on the floor at mums or in a bed at the BF's!

Brown Girl said...

Ha ha..."no nuts Tim"...hilarious. What a giant whiny baby, ugh. Nothing worse than a whiny man.

meredith said...

ahh, whiny whiny men. even better whining it out to a bon jovi ballad. kind of wish he were singing whitesnake 'here i go again.' at least you didn't walk in on him sleeping with your boyfriend. i did that once - walked in on my boyfriend having sex on MY couch with my (female) roommate. that was a housemate from hell.

aladdinsane12 said...

wow, late night whiny bon jovi renditions. i can't beat that. the only thing i have to complain about is the banging pots and pans at 7am every morning. who does dishes that earlY??

Little Ms J said...

"Cried like a little bitch." Oh, you know the words to my heart. Funny! I had the housemate from hell, but it was a she with a serious case of OCD. Serious as in she couldn't have anything in the living room but furniture. I put a photo up and by the time I got home from work it was in my room. Nice.

The Boob Nazi said...

UGH. Smoking while you're showering?!?!?!?!? AHHHH.

Also, your comments always CRACK ME UP.

bananas. said...

oh lady, i could go on and on about my horrid ex-housemates but i'd end up writing a friggen novel!

this guy sounds like a total douchebag.

Witless Fool said...

It's people like these that you wonder, what went wrong in their childhood that turned them out like this.

Karen said...

Because of people like this is the reason that I never considered ever ever having a housemate. I wouldn't have the patience.

On the Brink de la Locura
Passing by from SITS
Much Luv,
Karen

JennyMac said...

NNT....HAHAHA..and cried like a little bizatch. hysterical.

HeatherLynn said...

Well, hey, atleast you call it like you see it...FREELOADER! ;)

I kid, I love your freeloading ass....and Tim DOES sound like a whiney bitch. I wrote a blog today about a situation involving guys very much like him i believe, you'll have to give me your thoughts on that, as i'm always very fascinated in your hardcore, no bullshit approach to any situation.

~hl~

myra said...

your blog is...HILARIOUS.
couldn't stop laughing while at work.

glad pansy tim finally moved out...and gave you a little sense of sanity!

Amy said...

What a puss! I would have had to say something to him Karls...A guy with no spine is just BLECH!

Kellyansapansa said...

Haha - hilarious! Glad I could provide some inspiration ;o)

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