Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Worst Gift EVER

So I was doing the old blog hop and I came across one helluva funny mofo, at Steam me up, kid.

The post was about the worst gift you've ever received and it got me to thinkin'...  Hands down, without a second thought, Valentines Day somewhere in the mid to late 90s, springs to mind - it was such a forgettable gift, it seems I've forgotten the year - unfortunately not the gift.  I dated this guy, 'late 90s' (as he will be referred from here on in) for longer than I should have (no offence if you're reading this... but we both know that's true).  It should have ended on that fateful Valentines... but being a sucker for punishment, I stuck it out until I could stick it out no longer.  

I'm a big gift buyer... not big in terms of monetary value, but big in terms of thought.  Micko is the same... We often store up idea's in the brain bank from throughout the year and when it comes to Christmas or Birthday's we get something that the other really wanted (often had forgotten about) and surprise the shit out of each other.  That's just one of Micko's many endearing qualities - he puts a lot of thought into everything he does.

Late 90s was certainly no Micko!  And on this particular Valentines Day, me and 'late 90s' had been going through a rough patch - I think... I also am not too sure because the whole relationship was a rough patch and for the most part I think I've blocked it out.   

Anyways... I can't recall what I bought late 90s, but I'm sure it was fucking awesome!  He then reluctantly, sulkily, handed over his gift - not because he felt bad that his present was soooo shit, just because throughout our entire relationship, that was his persona (I'm sure it was just our relationship that made him that way and I'm sure he is much happier person these days).   

It was a card... something weird on the front (I can't quite recall what - perhaps an animal of some kind) and inside was blank... blank with a couple of stickers stuck in it, a red triangle, a blue square, a green circle and a yellow octagon.  There was nothing written in the card... not a single word.  Then he handle me a mini bottle of Midori (you know the tiny little bottles you find in a mini bar)... problem was, I hated Midori!  And he should have known that!

You know... If he's just given me the card and written something sweet in it, I'd have been really stoked. The gift aspect wasn't what I was looking for (and certainly not that fucking disgusting melon flavoured wannabe alcoholic cordial called 'Midori'!  The card alone would have been more than enough!

Surely he knew I was a beer drinker!  I'm sure he'd never seen me drink anything but beer.  It got me to thinkin', how much attention does late 90s actually pay to me.  So shortly after the card/midori episode I covered my eyes and asked 'What colour are my eyes?'  To which he sat silently for a minute contemplating... then said 'Brown?'    

Ummmmm... WRONG ARSEHOLE!  My eyes are blue!  Blue as the day I was born - about as far removed from brown as you can get.  Like I said before, I should have ended it there and then.... The me, here today, doesn't even recognise the pansy bitch I used to be.  That girl is someone who put up with way more shit than I ever could (now) and she is definitely worth another blog entry.  I'm just not sure I'm quite ready to open those drawers in my mind... just yet!


...kate said...

Late 90s sounds like a douche, ut at least you've got a funny story out of him.

And at least I've got a blog topic out of him, if you don't mind me stealing your idea that is.

bananas. said...

late 90's is a retard. excuse me if you find that offensive but it's true.

so glad he's out of the picture.

oh and if wearing an adidas makes me an aussie...count me in! i now want it even more. haha!!!

HeatherLynn said...

This reminds me of the time I was making out with this hot guy who was trying to do the horizontal mombo with him, and i was like...wait, a sec, hold on....(as I wasn't about to have a one night stand with some guy I barely knew...I only have one night stands with guys i've known forever and no better than to try to have a relationship with...) anyway, so i stop his kisses and heavy petting and say, "I don't even know you, I'm not doing THAT!" and he's like "baby, we know each other, c'mon...lets just....*as he tries to unbutton my top*...I take his hands off of me and I say, "Oh ok then, what's my name?" and i just meant first name, not last, not middle...not what color are my eyes...but WHAT IS MY NAME?

He stared blankley at me....mouth agape! yeah, that's what I thought, I said to him, I stood up, straightened my shirt and just as i was out the door he says, "HEATHER, YOUR NAME IS HEATHER!!!!" I just smiled at him and said, "too late!"

he naturally chased me across the campgrounds we were at "saying...but I knew it, it's heather, heather!! HEATHER!!!!!!!!! COME BAAAAAAAAAACK!"

the point is, there are all sorts of just thoughtless jerks out there! I can't believe he got you a card with just some random stickers in it....i mean, it's not only sucky, but kinda like...ummmm...mental too! weirdo!

he might be the kind of guy who shoots himself in the leg and claims to have been car jacked! ;)

oh, and "late nineties" if you are reading this...ummm...yeah, sorry, but really!??!?!?!? HORRID GIFT BUDDY! tsk tsk!



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