Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Negative Nancy - Pet Hates

Glass half full?  Or half empty?

As you'd probably already be aware, I'm a big believer in perception... meaning that everything in life is coloured the way you perceive it to be.  Green is only green if you think it's green and who knows if the green I see is the same as the green you see?   And when I say perception I'm guess I also need to mention perspective!  I'm a big fan of putting things into perspective... things can always be much worse than they are.  A silver lining can be found in most shit things in life.

I have a friend who becomes more and more negative the older she becomes.  She can find something bad in everything, has some real trust issues and tends to bring up every shit thing thats happened to the people around her whenever we talk.  This is having a massively negative effect on her day to day life.  She expects shit, therefore gets shit...  and I guess, also thinks she deserves shit - otherwise she wouldn't be expecting it, nor getting it.  It's also having a negative effect on the people around her.  People are starting to become reluctant to hang out with her... the last thing you need is to be brought down each and every time you talk to someone.

For example, recently I got so busy with work, I had to put on an editor.  I tried to find someone local but had no luck, so I got on odesk and found a great guy to help out.  He is the bomb!  And truly is a god send (or whatev the agnostic version of god send is).  He recently took on a great deal of responsibility handling everything while I was in Melbourne for Nanna's funeral.  It was a relief to know my business was in capable and trustworthy hands.

Her response?   'Karls, you are so trusting.  I don't know how you could trust that he wouldn't try to rip you off.  He is overseas after all... and the internet, I just don't trust it at all!'

My response, 'Well, that's the difference between you and me.  I put my faith in humanity and in life and  I've never really had it back fire in my face.'

Harsh?  Well, I guess so...  and before I go any further, you may be thinking that I have lead a blessed life where I've been sheltered from shit and have known only happiness... To that I say a big fat bullshit!   While I've copped my fair share of crap and had some pretty shitty things happen to me, I'm not going to let these things define who I am and how I live.  The shit is probably why I'm well equipped to deal with what life dishes out..  I don't like to dwell -  I do like to deal with things  - don't worry I'm not in denial.  I take responsibility for the role I've played in all of life's crap and by moving on, I take back my power.

I think I've probably mentioned this before, but of my pet hates are 'what if' people.  I'm not saying I go out like a bull at a gate and don't think over my decisions... I do!  I carefully weigh up the pro's and con's and if I think it's a risk worth taking... I go for it!  And most importantly I leave the negativity at the door. 

 Seriously, what is the worst that could happen?  And if you fall off the horse, aren't you supposed to jump straight back on?   Isn't something good sometimes worth taking a risk for?

If a friendship is draining more energy than it's providing... when is the time to move on?  Just because you've been friends for 20 years, does that mean you must remain friends for the rest of your life?  Why do you feel so bad when you outgrow people?  The answers, I'm quite sure I already know but I still find it really hard to let go.  Especially when they really haven't done wrong by you... you've both changed and gone in different directions.

Now, I'm about to totally contradict myself... I've just had a brain explosion and I'm in two minds about this... Does a Negative Nancy bring some reason to my generally optimistic persona (are they providing me with some form of perspective?)

People come in and out of your life all the time... but some are harder to say goodbye to - is it the length of time you've spent or the times you've been through together?  Whatever the reasons... Girl break ups suck arse!  

I guess it all boils down to one big question... Should I hang onto the Negative Nancy's in my life, or give them the dick?


bananas. said...

keyword = draining.

if a friendship is draining you then it's time to call it quits. to be quite frank, you're friend sounds horrible. i'm no positive polly (ha! just made that up) but i try to see the light at the end of the tunnel because life could always be worse, ya know.

my final answer, give her the dick and send that bitch packing.

jprp said...

Bannanas... EXACTLY! draining!
OMG Karls, I am in the middle of the exact same issue in my life, and wouldnt you know it, a blog entry waiting to be published as well. I tried and tried and tried with my negative nancy, i really did, to the point that she was ruining my days, id actually get anxiety when i got a message on my phone! and last night, it didnt end too well at all! so good luck with your decision, what ever you choose! my thoughts are that none of my friends are hard work, at this point in my life, i want to surround my self with happy, inspiring peeps!

whoa, sorry... you just copped an essay hey!!! lol

Anonymous said...

Hey karly,

some say that that the qualities in others that bother us, do so becuase we posess that quality ourselves. When we release and let go of that quality in ourselves we no longer feel bothered by that quality in others. The negativity we see in others is just our perception. We are percieving the negatativity so we must have it within us to be able to percieve it ... how can we percieve something that is not already within us?

However, you can feel negativity when you enter a room or see negativity in others and not be bothered by it. This is because you do not posess the quality yourself.

It takes work, and honesty with yourself.....but this is true.....perhaps your friend is bringing to your awarness something that you need to work on within yourself? food for your blog, keep up your inspiring work..:)

KLaw said...

I have a friend like that. She's kinda like poison. Ruins everything. Always has something negative to say. I confronted her eventually and told her to stop being an ass. Karma came back and bit her in the ass and so far, so good.

I think the world and life has a way of working itself out.

Alison said...

Hey stranger! advice - and I have only just done it myself - must be the time for it! Get rid of the Negative!! It's draining and you don't need it!
Your awesome, and don't feel bad about it!!
I love ya guts xx
Cant wait to catch up soon hun :)

Adorably Distracted... said...

I dont necessarily agree with anonymous up there.

I have a friend like this also. At some point in my life, I'm sure the reason I was friends with her was because of our shit-talking ability. But, I think with age people grow out of that, which they should. At some point you start to realize that maybe the things your talking bad about, are what that person wants or has to do?! We have no right to judge others when we all have flaws. And just because one person doesn't agree with something or actions of others, doesn't make it wrong. I don't think that makes it a weakness of ours if others are constantly talking bad about other people and we don't want to.

Personally, I walked away from this person for a while. Now,I do still hang out with her but when she starts bad mouthing people, I don't egg her on and sometimes i even find a way to get out of the conversation. Eventually, your friend will get the point! And if it makes you a bad friend for not wanting to talk bad about others or point out other peoples flaws then so be it. We could all say something about each other, but really it all comes down to not being anyone's place to actually say it out loud.

Good luck!


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