Birthday... Bitches

It's my 33rd birthday on Sunday... ARGH!  Where have the past 15 years gone? 

Good news is... my favourite bitch in the whole world is coming to see me to celebrate!  Now, this is no small feat!  She is coming just for the night... and it involved not one, but 2 flights... about a 4am wake up call too! 

In honour of her super radness... Please indulge yourselves in the following photo montage!

Me and my bitch at my old home 'Barwon Heads'... Miss that place.  I, as per usual, have to do something immature to ruin the shot - aka. picking a winner.

BDO '08.  Oh Big Day Out, my dear friend!  Where the hell did that kick arse visor and sunnies go?

The Hoff's engagement... we were ROTTEN!

Back in the day... perhaps New Years 01-02?  We went camping and ended up seeing in the New Year at the local Fire Station - after stumbling in and a good mate wowing the Firies with his mad breakdancing skills.  The Hoff got dressed up for the occassion.

My 22nd birthday!  11 year ago?  Surely not!  80s party... it was still the 90s (that's how forward thinking I am!)

Me riding The Hoff in the middle of Lygon St.  Unusual?  For most... yes.  For me?  No.

Ahhh Meredith Music Festival... How we love thee... shall we count the ways?  MMF 2000

Another Meredith escapade!  My mate used to own the pub... here we are after hours.  This is what happens when 2 young girls are left behind a bar with no supervision.

The Hoff turns the big 3.0!

Oh my... stay classy Karls!  Oaks Day... many, many moons ago!

Another Oaks... older... but no more mature!

The Hoffs Hens... Dude!  The beer is empty... and it's seriously about your 17th.  Put down the beer, take off your whore outfit and go to fucking bed.

Keeping it real of The Hoffs wedding day.

Maybe I'll have some pics to share come Monday... might even have a tale or too.

Have a good weekend... and Happy Birthday to Me!

Oh and we'll also be celebrating one year since my bambino Bubbalishy Billy came to live with his new parents... us.

Happy birthday Bubbsy!

Destination? Escalation

Escalation... it's a funny thing!  And one of my best abilities (much to my detriment, in most cases).  The only positive to escalation is it indicates you have a fucking fantastic imagination!

What is escalation?  Well, it's the ability (or disability) to create a series of events in your mind - of which most outcomes are negative and self defamatory.  It creates massive amounts of anxiety... I guess it's like 'blowing things out of proportion'.  I do it... regularly!

Here is a PRIME example of how I escalate:

One of my only local friends and I are facebook friends.  One day, I jump on and think 'Oh and I should send so and so a message asking if they wanna come round for beers this weekend!' 

So, I type their name into the search box and it comes up with nothing!  I then do a search and find said friend... only she has 'de-friended' me!  What? The? Fuck?

I feel a bubble in my throat... my heart rate picks up... I start to feel a little shakey.

'What did I do?  Oh my GOD!  What have I said to upset her?  Maybe she's taken offence to a status update?  Maybe someone has told her I don't like her?  Or that she thinks I'm a snobby bitch?  Or a fuckhead loser?  I know I've been a bit weird of late!  I can't seem to relate to people anymore... I'm not funny or witty these days... If only she got to know me, maybe I could be my old self and then she might like me.  Fuck?  What have I done?'

I rack my brains trying to think of something I may have done to upset her so much that she'd de-friend me... I create a million and one reasons in my mind and for two whole weeks I feel sick to the pit of my stomach.  I now start thinking:

'What if I run into her?  She'll probably ignore me... or worse, punch me in the face.  I'll be so embarrassed.  Is she just going to confront me and I'll be backed into a corner - because I don't know what I've done?  If only I knew what I'd done, I could apologise before she confronts me about it.'

Then... one morning... I walk into the gym, pick up a pen to sign in and see her name above mine on the register.  Immediately I am struck with panic!!!  Bubble in throat, feeling hot all over, heart pounding, hands shaking.  I look up and see her... she looks straight at me... and says:

...with a big friendly smile on her face...

'Oh my GOD!  Karly!  I haven't seen you in ages!  I thought you might be here... We have to get together for beers soon!'

'Huh?  What the?  Hang on one second!  She doesn't hate me?'

No... she doesn't hate me.  She likely hadn't even thought about me during those 2 excrutiating weeks.... unlike me!  Whose pretty much dedicated the last fortnight to stress and worry.

In all the narratives I explored... I didn't explore the fact that perhaps she didn't de-friend me, that perhaps there was a facebook glitch... or perhaps one of the kids got on and deleted a bunch of people by accident.

  We don't know why it happened, but it certainly wasn't a callous and calculated move or one of revenge.  In fact, I wasn't even a fleeting thought.

Negative escalation... she's a nasty bitch from hell!

Facebook, or not... she ain't no friend of mine! 

Post Script:  I've had a couple of comments that the last line has confused some... I mean that 'escalation' is no friend of mine.  The girl on facebook is a friend both on facebook and in real life.

Nice day for... beach running!

I've been pretty slack on the exercise front... well, when I say that you'll probably think I'm exaggerating.  I still walk the dog for an hour each day and get to the gym a couple of times a week. 

For me, coming from a time not so long ago, it seems that I've slowed down substantially.  I used to work out at least once a day (twice most days) plus walk or run my dog for an hour on the beach.  Lately, I've been feeling a little lack lustre.

Today, was a stunning winters day!  And a stark reminder of why we moved here.  20 degrees, gorgeous and sunny... the perfect day for a beach run with Billy!

So, rather than make excuses... I chucked Bill in the car , put on my heart monitor, grabbed a bottle of H2O and headed out the door.

It was sooooooo nice!   I surprised myself... although I've been light on the exercise, I still managed to do it in under an hour - and with only one short break.  TOPS!

Just a snap shot of my piece of paradise... if you are interested, I run from just left of Coronation Park... to the river entrance at Valla.  Need to work out how long it actually is... but I'm thinking perhaps 7k's return?

So, I'll be commiting to getting out and pounding the sand twice a week.  It's truly exhilarating!

Getting down and.... arty? You dig?

So, as Micko worked hard this weekend (like super hard) to help create my perfect space, I got in touch with old arty Karls and picked up a paintbrush for the first time in well over 10 years (since Uni, so probably more like 12). 

My bro is an AH-MAZ-ING (and quite a successful) artist... and I've always felt very mediocre (if not shit) in comparison... so I stopped painting and found things that I was much better at.  That doesn't mean that I don't like painting... I think I'd just convinced myself I was crap at it and so I shouldn't waste my time.  I discovered this weekend, just how theraputic and relaxing painting is.

I've got this little book (a notepad book) and the image on the front I adore!  It's called 'The Lovers' by an artist called 'Laurel Burch'.  I decided to base my painting on her image - because I love it so fucking much.  Needed some artwork for my studio's walls (when they are done)... I looked around on etsy and found some prints I liked, but they were all a little too small.  So, I grabbed a canvas I've had laying around forever, stocked up on some paints and brushes... and started to work in our rainforest.

Here's what happened...

I started with a canvas I'd previously painted teal - was going to do something for the spare room but couldn't pull it together - ended up using a much bigger canvas and covering in the super rad material - I'll blog on the spare room another day.

I got a marker and roughly outlined the basis of the picture.  Then I started blocking parts together with colour.

Decided I wasn't a fan of the skin toned 'Micko'... it's a painting based around my favourite ranga and his black haired beauty - cute, huh?  Perhaps a little sickly sweet... but poo to you haters.

Wasn't too sure about the rainbow thing I had going on in the top left corner... bit too busy.

Blended the rainbow - well, not really blend, more re-painted the area.

Also noticed I needed to blend poor Micko's face a little better!

And this, my blogging buddies, is the finished product. 

It's no Picasso... but I am really happy with it. 

It is going to look fab up on the wall of my office - which will likely be some kind of blue and purple (good colours for creativity). 

The main reason I like it is because I had such a great time painting it!  I felt happy - like real happiness (which I've not been feeling too much of late)... nice feeling!

It will be a constant reminder that I don't have to be perfect... all the time.  I just have to be happy and enjoy who I am and where I am.  That is enough for me.

Studio 54... well, not really Studio 54, but a Studio all the same...

Big things are happening in Karls' wonderful world. 

Great shifts of the mind... vast creativity... action, jackson.

As you know, my new website is up and running and I'm totally stoked with it!  But that's not all that's changing in my little slice of paradise. 

My recording studio, which at present more resembles a dark, dirty, cold dungeon, is about to get a massive makeover!  Finally!!!

I've reluctantly (and embarrassingly) taken some 'before' photos... this is waaaaay more brave than showing you the contents of my handbag, let me tell you! 

My office was some what of a dumping ground - we moved the boxes in and I never really bothered unpacking them - except when I needed something and then I'd throw shit all around the room while I desperately searched for the software CD or piece of hardware I needed and leave everything else exactly where it was.  Naughty! Naughty! 

Seriously... if my house was like this, I'd go insane!  So, why would I let my office look like a bomb had gone off - especially considering I spend most of my days and some of my nights in this space?

I guess, for starters, it kind of reflects where my mind has been of late.  Full of old, useless shit I don't have a need for anymore... so now, I'm ready to take it down the tip and leave it behind forevermore!

Gulp!  Breathe... and publish pics...

Oh Hart!  What a mess!

So dark and dingy!

My big fish... still sitting around waiting to be hung.

The money maker... my current booth.

See!  I'm really putting it all out there... so wrong!

Shit that I put there when we moved in 15 months ago... haven't seen the light of day since!  Including my collection of White Stripes 7"'s.  Very disappointing!  Oh the shame!  Feel like I'm a contender for 'Hoarders' right about now...

How embarrassing!  But, I'm okay with it.  This is reflective of who I was yesterday... and this weekend (and the next... and the next...), the rebuilding and renovating will turn this space into something that is useable... beautiful... creative and totally me! 

Bring it on... bitches!

I'll keep you posted on our progress!

Whoa! I missed my birthday...

So much has been going on!  My new website is up and running and it looks shit. hot!  Check it out here:

http://www.killerkopy.com.au/

I wrote the content myself and had the fabulous Glen from www.nambuccavalleywebdesign.com.au/ do the design.  He is fabulous!  If you're looking to have a website put together, don't look past Glen and his partner Lizzy.  They are really affordable!  I'm really happy with the way it's all turned out!

In other news...

Things are travelling along nicely.  Had some really fucked computer problems last week - which caused me undue stress.  They seem to be sorted now (well, fingers crossed they are). 

I've totally dropped the ball on my fitness regime!  It's so fricken cold (we even had day when the max was 12!!!  I know, it's practically summer in some parts of the world... not here though - in fact, it's pretty much unheard of).  I'm finding it really hard to find the motivation - not too mention my gym is pretty boring - understatement (but it's really the only one around - damn small country towns).  I'd run on the beach... but it's fucking cold - oh wow!  Another excuse.

Need to dig deep and pull out that motivation.  I haven't been a complete sloth - still averaging 2 sesh's a week and I walk Billy everyday (which is more than about 90% of people I know) so, no beating myself up about it... just going to change it.

Had a delicious plunger coffee with chocolate in it... Mmmmmmm!  Then I got that hot flush feeling that you get after a hot drink... so I pulled my jumper off and am sitting here a-la naturale (that is... with my boobies hanging around my waist  - super uncomfortable and every 15 secs or so I have to put my arm underneath them to take the weight and reposition (oh 20's... and my perky titties.... where did you go???)

Blog birthday was a week ago!  Whoops!  Had so much going on I totally forgot.

Gotta go put a bra on... I can feel muscle tearing! 

Oh and have a shower and get my arse to boxing.

Karma's a bitch!

 Today, I mentored a bunch of girls from the local high schools through a program run through local council.  It was concerning money matters and budgeting.  As it turned out, I wish I'd had something like this when I was a youngster... I made every single mistake they covered!  Would have been nice to avoid them, but I guess they were mistakes I had to make (credit cards, ignoring bills, borrowing interest free but never making payments, pyramid schemes, putting leases and bills in my name only, taking loans to cover credit card debt but not paying the credit card debt fully... the list goes on and on and on).

Anyways... the title of this post is Karma's a bitch... why?

When I was at high school, I was a little prick.  I was cheeky, thought I knew it all (some things don't change) and thought my angelic face would get me out of any trouble I found myself in.  I'm sure some teachers found me charming (hell, I'm a smart cookie... but also a bit of a clown), and I'm also more than sure I caused quite a few of them a headache or two from time to time.

So, this morning... out of all the tables in the hall, I pick the one full of troublemakers.  Highly intelligent girls who were easily distracted and, of course, all sitting on the one table together.  They talked non stop, doodled, drew on each other and were just generally disruptive.  At first, I remained calm and gave them a few little 'Girls... come on'.  Then, while trying to complete an exercise, I lost it.

'Girls!  I've given up my day to come here and volunteer to try and give you a better future.  I didn't have to do that... I could be at home watching friggin Supernanny, but I'm here and the least you can do is give me the respect I deserve.'

Ouch!  It certainly shut them up though - for a little while anyway.   It also totally re-confirmed my decision to change my degree from 'Secondary Teaching' to 'Media Arts'!

Here's to you teachers out there... You guys are incredible!

Farewell Mr Rudd

I don't delve into politics often... mostly because I feel I'm inadequately educated in the area.  No one wants to look like a dickhead - well, I'm happy to look like a dickhead when I've pissed my pants in public or been caught hanging a shit on the beach... but I don't like to feel that I might be wrong (which for the record, I hardly ever am... haha)

I'll fight till I'm blue in the face for something I believe in (closing the gap between Indigenous Australians is high up on my list) but if I feel I don't have all the facts, I'll observe and form my opinions quietly on the side lines.

One thing I do know?  In 07 I wanted John Howard out... I was sick of looking at him, I wanted an apology to our Stolen Gen and more than anything, I wanted change. 

Well, we got it!  Kevin 07 was a great outcome... change is always scary and I did shed a tear or two when poor old Johnny finally got the boot.  K-Rudd (as he is affectionately known - all Aussie's must have nick names - you all should know that by now) started out on a high... He delivered the apology with grace and sincerity.  He helped us shield and weather out the global financial crisis relatively unscathed....

Then it all went pear shaped.  The insulation debarcle, the super mining tax, the back down on the emissions trading scheme... and things weren't looking good for our cartoonish looking PM.

Today, poor Ruddy has been ousted by the party he lead to victory.  I feel sad for him... and his family.  In some ways I think he's gotten the raw end of the deal.  How quick we are to dismiss all the great things he acheived in his short stint as PM of this great country.  He is the leader of a 'party'... it's not a one man show.

On the other hand.... Today represents great change!  I couldn't be happier to finally have a women at the helm.  However, I am disturbed by the circumstances...  Why is it that a woman is only ever placed in the top jobs when things are crumbling around them.  There are numerous examples on the table... Christine Kenneally, Carmen Lawrence, Joan Kirner.  Put into positions of power to pick up the pieces just to be ousted by the public.  Anna Bligh is really the only exception (go you Queenslanders).  I sincerely hope Julia is an exception to the rule and a great step forward for our country.

She might have a bogan accent and red hair (pipe down you ranga haters - I'm married to one remember!) but does that have any affect on her ability to do the job... and do it well? 

Go Jules!  I'm expecting great things... and momentous change... for the better!  You've opened the door for change... here's hoping you step through it!

Pushing the limits

I know I've been a little sporadic with my blogging... to say the very least.  I've been doing my darnedest to connect in the real world, so my cyber self has been laying low.

Good news is I'm feeling well adjusted... and a little more together every day.  I tell you, it's been a hard slog but I'm coming out of the fog and into the sunshine.  Oh... it's been hard work!  Therapy and challenging myself to do re-connect.  It's weird... things I'd have never have thought twice about, these days cause me my heart to race and sweat like a dirty motherfucker!  Damn you anxiety!

This weekend was shit. hot!  Micko and I went to the markets and had a delicious lunch in Bello, then grabbed a bunch of DVD's and chilled out all arvo with a few vodka's.

Sunday we went to a barbie... this was pretty big.   It's so strange... I've never been scared of meeting people but the isolation of the past 15 months has taken effect and I feel like a shy mouse - not the usual gregarious Karls.  I find myself scared to engage socially - well, with people I don't know very well.  Hiding away in my house and telling myself I can't be bothered when something social does crop up seems an easier option - it's also a cop out (now what have I told you about being nice to yourself Karls?  It's not a 'cop out', it's what you've been doing to get by).

You know, I'd probably have done the same thing this weekend, but I had a really interesting 'sign'.  I bought this great book called 'Spiritual Business' - as the title suggests, it's about running your business with spirituality in mind.   In the pack you get the book, some aromatherapy oils and a deck of spiritual business cards (kind of like angel or tarot cards).  When you need some inspiration, you shuffle the deck and pick the card that stands out to you.  So, last week, while feeling a little lack lustre, I reached for the deck.  I thoroughly shuffled the cards, sent out 'tell me what I need to know' vibes and pulled out 'Find a Guru'.  Unsatisfied, I re-shuffled the deck and again, pulled out 'Find a Guru'.  By now, I was a little baffled and decided to try just one more time for a card that 'spoke to me' a little more.  Wouldn't you fucking know it?  Third times a charm... I pulled out 'Find a Guru'!

I decide perhaps the universe is trying to tell me something... but first, of course, I check the cards to see that I haven't been accidently sent a 'Find a Guru' pack.  But no, there are 60 odd cards and every single one is different!

"Find A Guru:  Look around you.  Now that you are on this path there is someone - or an opportunity to meet someone - who can help you navigate the spiritual highway.  They are out there - look for the signs and say 'yes' to every opportunity to meet new people, or ask to meet them when someone else is talking to them.  You will find them, because they are waiting'. 

Pretty straight forward message, right?  In other words... go to this fucking barbie and take the rescue remedy if you think you might freak out.

Anyway...   I'd only met the woman who was hosting this barbie the one time... and we knew no-one but her.  Turned out a great day!  It wasn't long before old Karls came out to say hello... and surprisingly (well to me... in my current headspace) people actually liked me.

It was well worth the initial sweat break out (thankfully - and probably as I hail from Melbourne - I tend to wear quite a bit of black so the sweat marks are virtually unnoticable).  Met some really great people and was so nice to be doing something social!  Plus, I reminded myself that pushing my limits is a good exercise in self discovery.  Besides... really. what is the worse that could happen?

Here is what I discovered...  The key is to turn up on time.  That way you are quite likely the first people there and you'll get properly introduced to the first few dudes to arrive... thus conversation is much easier and you won't feel as overwhelmed as turning up to a full on party where you know no one but the host!

And... in other breaking news... I've been approached by the local council to act as a youth mentor - helping high school girls learn about money and budgeting (hmmmmm... perhaps they've got the wrong person - I guess I could teach 'what not to do!').   Should be fun!   I'm also setting up that business women's network locally and I've got about 20-25 people interested (and that's from not really knowing anyone, so I'd say that's a great success).

You could say I'm pretty proud of what I'm achieving out there in the big scary real world... and you know what?  You'd be spot on!  I'm owning it... for real!

Karmic Adventures

Now, I'm not about to go all hippy on your arse (although my underarm hair may beg to differ), however I am about to share with you esoteric tales of other worldly charm.  (In other words, I've been indulging my spiritual self of late and am about to share with you lucky souls my experience.) 

It's been an interesting journey thus far and has taken me to the far reaches of the Coffs Coast (not that far, really but sounds intriguing (right?).  Beginning with a visit from a good Melbourne friend, Micko went to help some mates move and Kath and I spent the day in Bello doing girly shit... a vintage clothing fair, some of my favourite shops and then a trip to the insanely beautiful Promised Land - a place where the Never Never creek meanders it's way through the landscape (absolutely breathtaking and instantly relaxing).  On the way home, I remembered there was a pyschic fair on in Coffs... so we made a detour to see what our destinies held in store.

'Twas the local 'Catholic Club'... not the first place that springs to mind when you mention the words 'Pyschic Fair'!  In a dark and dingy room four psychics sat twiddling their thumbs - not a punter in sight.  From a white board we chose the pyschic that stood out the most.  I chose an older woman (aren't they all aging - I think it's a prerequisite for the job) who, amongst other 'abilities', mentioned 'Medium', 'Aura Readings' and 'Tarot'... that was enough for me to make a decision.   Kath chose a guy... The others gave us death stares!

I took up a pew, the Pyschic started madly scribbling away with her coloured pastels on a piece of photocopied paper with the outline of a body.  She pressed 'record' on her, clearly almost older than me (massive exaggeration), tape recorder.  The session began...

'I'm sensing a very strong presence... Your Grandmother...'

Chills went down my spine, hair stood on end (mainly the underarm as it's so wildly out of control) and tears started to well in my eyes.   

I was going to type out some of the conversation we had... but it would be so long I'd definitely lose your attention (and lets face it... it's almost as boring as hearing in detail someone else's dream - unless you're into analysing them of course - perhaps I might give that a go too).  

The things she went on to mention were as random as knowing how she passed, that we'd alway drink a cup of tea together, her big warm and lovely hugs, her melting moments, the Christmas pudding, her intense dislike of the word 'Grandmother' and that she was just 'Nan', that my bro and I had been discussing going to Thailand, and that I was coming into a little money (that my folks are passing on from Nan's estate)...   

Needless to say, it was a bizarre experience... whether or not her predictions will eventuate seems relatively unimportant... she helped me get one more step outside of the grief.  I actually feel like a bit of weight has been lifted.

I must also keep my eye open for a man with grey hair who will share the same work ethic and integrity as I do... and watch my nether region - not in that order, and not mutually exclusive, of course!

In other news... I'm heading to Byron for the weekend and surprising the lovely Krabes with a much deserved couple of hours in a day spa - including an hour massage... 

I. can't. wait!

I'll try not to piss in the pool... 

but I can't promise anything!