One of my worst fears, is the fear of growing up. I've tried to delay the inevitable as much as possible but I feel it slowly creeping in like a scene out of 'The Grudge'. Everyday I notice another grey hair or wrinkle that surely wasn't there the day before. My face used to have skin like a babies bum, it's now slowly sagging and strangely discolouring!
But it's not just the superficial that's aging... I feel like my personality is also aging. A feeling I'm totally not used to - I think I've heard it refered to as maturing (the pleasant way of saying you're getting boring).
Why just the other day I was doing some loads of washing after having some visitors stay a few nights. While folding the bedding I suddenly thought to myself - "I'm a master at folding the fitted sheet"! When exactly was it that I stopped scrunching it up into a ball and shoving it in above the roughly folded doona cover? It couldn't have been too long ago. I remember opening my cupboard at Barwon Heads and having the balls of fitted sheets on the verge of bursting out each and everytime.
Over the past couple of years (mainly during my time in Vic - 'cause my house in Byron and Brunswick Heads were occassionally 'surface' clean) I've certainly lifted my game in the cleanliness stakes! These days I rarely have a day when I wouldn't be ashamed of the state of my house... I could even happily have people just drop in! In the past, you'd have to give me a weeks notice so I could get the mammoth pile of clean, but unfolded clothes off the floor in most rooms.
I remember the days when I'd sweep or vacumn once a year!
When I'd go out each and every Friday and Saturday night...
When I ate take away, sang frequently and danced every single weekend.
Now, I sweep almost daily, weekends are spent at home (still with copius amounts of piss though), I rarely gorge on KFC, I sing when I'm driving and I might dance at a wedding once a year.
What a travesty!
And then it's the baby thing. Only a couple of years ago almost all (around 99%) of my girlfriends where childless. These days that high percentage is taking a tumble. In fact, today I'm heading out to pick up a portacot for my visiting guests!
Talk with mates quickly switches from where are we going out, what drugs are we going to take, are we going to go to Splendour this year? To... when you have kids this, and when you have kids that... Or so and so is starting to crawl, I've finished breastfeeding, and I've just had my first period. The conversation is totally stacato with their eyes darting here there and everywhere or interupted by a 'Mummies talking' comment.
Suddenly, I'm the minority! And even more so due to the fact that I'm not sure I even want to enter babydom (making me a slight evil and insane individual)! Hell... I'm already married and have my own house, I even clean and cook for Christs sake! I can't get much more adult (sorry mature) than that!
Who knows... perhaps I'll come acustomed to 'maturing' and I won't find it so dull and boring. In the meantime... I'm going to party like it's 1999 (seemed like that came and went so quickly), pick up my act in the singing stakes, go get HJ's for lunch today and chuck iTunes on random for a dance in the office. If it's true that 'you're only as old as you feel'..... catch you round! I'm off for a shot of botox and to make myself some fairy bread!
the hard questions
2 years ago