Think Beautiful

So... the 'passion project' is well under way!

Learn a little more... and in the meantime, while you excitedly await the release date, join us on good ol' facebook!

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

Changes are afoot at the Circle K.... ummm Karlosophies.

Actually... it's not so much change as in a new passion project which I'm super excited about!  

Stay tuned...

A little self acceptance goes a loooong way...

Take up the challenge yourself.

While you are at it, join me on facebook.

Say 'Yes!'

One of my favourite posts of late... good head space!  Loving it!

Remember; you can always catch up on where I'm at over here.

Validation...

That is one TERRIBLE still shot of me... I look almost ghost like.  Ewwww!  Believe it or not, this was the best of the three option youtube gave.  

Felt compelled to share this one...

Remember; you can head on down to youtube town and subscribe!  And feel free to share.

Click here to do so...

See you in wonderful technicolour!

Introducing... The Running Blogger!

I'm now.... The Running Blogger.

Running towards happiness... 

one step at a time!

Come join me here.

New Directions...

Firstly, for those fellow Pembrokians.. New Directions rings a bell... School production perhaps?

Anyways... totally off topic and a little verbal diahorrea.

'What you talkin' bout Willis!  What the hell are you doing back?'

I hear you ask.

Well... turns out I really quite need the outlet.  Although I'm taking a new direction....

Instead of me sitting here, typing away, editing myself to a certain extent.  I'm going to throw caution to the wind and my face to the camera.  I'm moving away from the writen text, into the moving picture.  I'm... do I really need to explain any further?  But... just incase...

I'm moving to youtube, biting the bullet and becoming a vlogger.

GULP!

I'm putting myself out there... no scripts, no editing... just me. 

And I'm kind of shitting myself - in a good way (huh?  yeah.. I'm just as confused.  How can you 'shit yourself' in a good way?  Well.. I guess I mean I'm once again pushing my boundaries and totally making myself vulnerable.) 

Anyways... if you're interested in coming along on my journey, visit me here.

And here is the first gross, sweaty taste of what's to come.

GAH!

Would love to have you along for the ride.

Bye bye blogger

I've just come home from an AH-MAZING session with the wonderful Rachel, from Angel Psychic Healing.  I feel like a weight has been lifted and I'm ready to charge into the future with self confidence and a sense freedom.

I realised that this blog has become a tool of procrastination.  I'm essentially distracting myself from the daunting task ahead... putting my ideas into action. 

While I've been here processing my thoughts and funnelling them into my consciousness (which no doubt has some benefit - the thoughts stop buzzing around like a crazy swarm of bees in my mind), I've been unconsciously putting off taking the steps to make my dreams a reality.  I'm using up all my creativity here and not putting the energy to use where it needs to be.

It's safer here, in blogland, than out in the big, wild, unpredictable world.  If you know me at all by now, you'll know that vulnerability is not my strongest suite. 

It's time I really started walking the talk... putting my ego where my mouth is.

I'm taking an extended leave of absence to focus on making shit happen (good shit).  Will I be back?  I don't think so right now... I'm closing the door but I'm not sealing it shut.

And I'm taking the first step today... I'm posting that letter.

See you on the other side.

Wish me luck!

Light & Love

Karls out.

Oprah and the wonderful world of television....

As you'd probably be aware, I've been thinking about writing a TV show.  I even braved the cold and flew to Hobart to take part in a television writing course.

The coincidences that have led me to believe I need to do this have been kind of astonishing.  For example, I actually studied TV at Uni and loved it... but I went down the path of photography because it was easier to get a break in... I then moved onto sound - worked in radio and started my voice over business.  Now, I'm being pulled back to television.

The first, was a simple thought - mindful programming.  Followed, the next morning, by waking up with a name on my mind; 'Karmic Production'.  This name had visited me once or twice before... but at the time I had no intention at all of working in TV, so it was stored in a dark dingy drawer in the very recesses of my mind.  It's fitting too... as it's a culmination of my name and Micko's.  Wooooooooooo.

The idea developed a little further.. then I coincidently stumbled across the course - which I had considered doing in the past but there was no word as to when it would run again - or where.  Timely really, as when I quite by accident stumbled across the website, the course was to be held the very next weekend.

I spoke to a good friend, who I'd always wanted to work with, and she had been thinking along a similar vein.  She had another friend also interested... but neither of them wanted to be involved in the writing. 

As I arrived the first morning of my course, I walked in to hear one of the other students talking of a friend who had exactly the same idea as I did.  I met with this person and swapped contact details.

Then, while catching up with a cousin in Hobart over a beer, she told me a friend of hers had entered a competition Oprah was holding for a show that was based around spirituality. 

Oh and there was the Eden Gaha incident - which I never heard any reply to.  But it taught me I don't need to be afraid to sometimes go out on a limb... and put myself out there.

Last night, this same friend I refered to earlier, sent me a link of an interview Oprah did with Barbara Walters.  She speaks of the idea of 'mindful tv' coming to her... along with the OWN name.  Surprisingly eerily similar to what happened to me. ***I must have been living under a rock as I had no idea she had started her own (pardon the pun) network.***

The past few months I've too'd and fro'd... am I on the right path?  Is this the direction I should be headed?  

I've meditated, consulted the angels, the stars, pyschics and everything in between for a clear answer... but I never trusted in my own instincts.  I desperately wanted outside confirmation - which even when I got, time and time again, I pushed aside with inner doubt and fear.

This morning, I woke up with a clear mind... and saw Oprah in my mind, stumbling across a letter I'd written.  I immediately grabbed my notebook (I've been writing morning pages - a concept I might blog about shortly) and started writing a letter.

Today... I'm sending my letter out into the Universe - and more directly to Oprah (well, as close to her as I can get).  I've been true to myself and followed my instincts...  What happens from here is in the hands of the Universe.

My horoscopes this morning read; commit to your idea... although you don't have a crystal clear picture of what that idea is, it's time to put faith in and bite the bullet.  Freaky!

Wish me luck!

Good vibrations..

With all the research I've been doing on creating happiness and shifting old beliefs, a theme keeps bubbling to the surface.  So much so, in recent times, I can no longer dismiss it's relevance.  

Vibration... 

Vibration... and it's relationship with human emotion.

During Uni days I read the Celestine Prophecy - like millions of other people on earth.  For the most part I loved it...  the ideas of synchronicity really resonated with me and the book had me intrigued.  That is... until the last few chapters - James Redfield really lost me after he introduced the vibrational and God element.  My atheist self just couldn't grasp it at all... seemed to fanciful to comprehend.  

When you start to head down your own path to enlightenment, no doubt the concept of vibration will raise it's head again and again.  

I've started on this path many times in my life to date... but I've always ended up hitting my head against the same vibrational brick wall... then I've turned around with my tail between my legs and continued living the struggle that is life.

What I've come to realise is that the idea of vibrational energy is quite a simple concept.  It's often over complicated (well, it had seemed that way to me - although it could have been my perspective and headspace at the time - perhaps I wasn't ready) by intimidating new age gurus who seem to speak a different language altogether.

It all boils down to an incredibly simple idea...
When you are happy and inspired your energy vibrates at a higher frequency.  And this is something you already know, even if you think you don't... when you are feeling good, you feel lighter.
When you are feeling down, uninspired, flat, angry - any of those negative emotions - you vibrate at a lower frequency... and therefore you feel heavy. 

It really is that simple.  

Where it gets a little more controversial is the combination of vibration and the idea of the law of attraction.

But, enough new age ranting for today...  I'll open that pandoras box another day!  

Love & light peeps.
(has new meaning for me now)
love & light

Lost for words...

It's not often I'm lost for words.  

This morning... I am.

One fleeting moment can change everything.  Turn everything you thought you knew on its head.

One day, your life can be travelling along perfectly.  The next, it's a complete mess... 

and it is all completely out of your hands.

It makes you wonder why.  It's unfair.  It's unbelievable.  It's unthinkable.

In a fleeting moment like this, a friends life has been completely turned upside down.

And this time, I have no words.

No words of comfort.  No 'look on the brightside'.  No 'everything happens for a reason'.  Just nothing.

Cliches don't cut it this morning.

All I can give is my love and support.  

Sometimes it seems like that's just not enough.  Right now, it's all I have and is all I can offer.

From one moment to the next everything can change.  

Remember to be thankful for everything you have, and are, in this very moment...  

for in the next, it could all be gone.

Groundhog Day Enlightenment

Last night, I spent on the couch, glass of red in hand and the tele for company.  

Groundhog Day was on.  I've not seen that movie for yeeaaaarrrrrs!  

From where I presently sit in life, I see it from a completely different angle than before.  

Previously, I've been kind of annoyed by Bill Murray and I found the whole idea boring and uninspired.  I mean, of course he'll get it right in the end!  Durh!  He has had enough opportunities to turn things around.  Practise makes perfect, after all.

This time round it took a completely different spin.  It wasn't about repetition or learning from mistakes... it was all about attitude.

By changing your attitude, you can totally affect the outcome. 

When Bill is pessimistic, nothing goes right.  And everything that happens to him confirms his belief that nothing will go right.

But....

When Bill puts on his optimistic hat... 

he starts to see things not only from his perspective, but from others... 

he recognises the beauty in everything that surrounds him...

he connects and lives in the present...

he accepts and surrenders... 

then, things start to shift.

And?

Well, he finds happiness and contentment in everything...

 because he stops looking for everything to make him content & happy.  

And all thanks to a little shift in attitude.

So glad I stayed in!

Walking the talk.

I mentioned a week or so back that I'm walking the talk.  Sometimes little steps in the right direction can make all the difference.

How am I doing that, you may ask.

I tend never to ask for anything of anyone else.  I just accept things for what they are... sometimes whinge about it a little, but generally accept it.  Maybe it's because I thought I wasn't worthy of more.  

I'm the person that wouldn't think twice if a friend rang for advice, to vent or cry on my shoulder... If someone asked for a lift to or from somewhere... If they could bunk down in the spare room for a few weeks while they sorted their shit out...  If they needed help getting ahead and I could be of any service... Guaranteed I will be there doing all that I can.  All they need do is ask - the vast majority of the time they needn't even go that far.

For some reason, in reverse, this doesn't quite work out.  I always feel like I'm going to be a burden.  That they have too much shit going on in their own lives to bother them with what's going on in mine.  My problems are minuscule and not worth bothering anyone with.  I never ask anyone to pick me up or drop me off - unless they offer.  I never ask for a shoulder to cry on.  I never ask for more than I've been offered.  And I never ask for help.

Vulnerability?  Just not in my vocabulary...

Until recently.

I've learned that if I never ask... I'll likely never get.

You may remember I recently even headed next door to ask if they had any Gravox.  Pushing the boundaries or what?!

Since that daring day, I've managed to make further progress in this field.  

 A few weeks back, after a few drops of rescue remedy and some deep breaths, I bit the bullet and asked a friend if she would drive me to the airport.  And she said 'Yes!  Of course!'.  Sure, I was super nervous - the anxiety was rife.  However, the outcome was definitely worth the sweaty palms, the increased heart rate and the knot in my throat (note; they were short lived - after I'd asked, I felt such relief!).  Not only did I confront a fear, I no longer had to spend 2 hours on a bus and a further 2 hours in the airport just because I was scared to ask for help.

Then... a couple of weekends ago Micko and I had a lovely morning at Bellingen markets.  I ordered a delish organic falafel and noticed the guy was quite stingy on the taboleh... so I asked if I could please have some more.  He said, 'Yes!  Of course!'.  No weird look.  He wasn't angry with me for asking.  He smiled and said 'Say when...'  Relief!  Micko (and I) was suitably impressed.

Last weekend when I arrived in Hobart I was so disappointed with my scary hotel room - it was cold with no heating and one blanket (hello! I'm not Tasmanian... I need more than one thin blanket when the temp doesn't hit double figures).  The room had a really scary vibe and was directly above the cover band - cranking out old tired hits with drunk people singing along at the top of their lungs - to one side was the smokers courtyard and the other a busy road... Oh and did I mention it was shit scary?  I couldn't bring myself to turn the light off and every time I almost nodded off I felt something touch my neck.  GAH!

The old me, would have stuck it out and gone home after 3 nights of no sleep with bleeding eyeballs.  The new me, stuck out the night (it was after midnight when I arrived) got up early to look into other accommodation, found somewhere much better, packed my shit and explained to reception that it just was not suitable.  And they could have cared less - I hadn't offended them, or hurt their feelings - and there was no angry confrontation.  Ahhhhh!  The relief!

Through vulnerability we gain strength.

These may seem like small things... but to me (and my post depression/major anxiety self) these represent a massive shift.

 Each small step equals big change.

Bleeding eyeballs be gone.

I'm now walking the talk...

... and kicking Anxiety's arse to the curb!

The man in the leather hat...

I'm sitting in the food court of Sydney Airport.  Today did not quite go as planned.  I was to fly out of Hobart just after midday and after a quick stop in Sydney I'd touch down in Coffs just before 4pm.  

It's now after 5pm.  

I won't arrive in Coffs until around 8pm - all going well.

My flight from Hobart was delayed over an hour.  Therefore, I missed my connecting flight to Coffs - which was the last flight of the day (for Virgin).  Instead, the booked me onto the last flight to Coffs on Qantas.   

I was highly stressed... confused (no-one could tell me how or when I'd get home), irritated and bordering on tears.  Nothing was going right.  My bags were heavy, I'd left things I needed in my checked baggage, and not checked things I probably should have - I was loaded up like a camel.  I dug franticly into my handbag to grab my phone and for the life of me couldn't locate it.  So I dropped my bag on the ground to further investigate - the contents of which projectile out and spread all over the floor.  Nothing is going my way and I'm moving more and more into a total state of chaos.   

I'm flustered, people are looking at me (probably with pity) and I'm really struggling to calm myself down.  I'm beyond angry.  I am anger. 

Finally, we board.  The man I sat next to was an older gentleman, wearing a plaid jacket and a stylish hat.  He had a warm smile and after being subjected to my mad rant, said 'at least you'll get there in the end'.  

I thought about, took a few drops of rescue remedy, breathed and managed to calmed myself down.

Over the next couple of hours, the man and I chatted, the conversation headed to all things 'spirtual'.  Turns out this warm, friendly man, with the stylish leather hat, was on a very similar path to me.  We shared tales of coincidence and synchronicity, spoke of the law of attraction and the workings of the universe.  We talked of connecting (being present), meditation, reiki, books we've read and shared our journey.

He reminded me that there was likely a very valid reason that I'd been delayed.  That the reason would present itself.  He brought me back... out of my head full of anger, and into my seat, on the plane, that would eventually take me home.  After all, I was in no hurry.  I was headed home.

That reason became clear, as we stood at the baggage carousel contemplating life... 

Don't sweat the small stuff.  Let go... the stress and anger does nothing but expend valuable energy and breed more stress and anger.  Nothing goes right, because nothing can go right.  

He reminded me that I'm on the right path... that I'm learning and evolving.   As long as I stick to my truth, the lessons I need to learn will present themselves exactly when I'm ready.  

The teacher arrives when the student is ready. 

And it seems I am ready. 

 

Inspire me...

I need your help!  I want to know what kind of things inspire or motivate you...

Where do you go?  What activities do you do?  Whose blogs do you read?

Now, don't be shy.  If you are reading this, I really want to hear from you - either here, by email or on facebook.  

What inspires you?

New dawn... new day!

What a difference 24 hours makes, eh.  

Yesterday was certainly an emotional rollercoaster!  I was devastated, then indifferent, then angry, then a total nervous wreck, followed by resignation, deflation, disappointment, flatness, plenty of tears, hopelessness, hopefulness, freedom... and this morning?

Well, this morning I woke with a new perspective alongside a feeling of peace.  I'm feeling much better and have realised it's totally not the end of the world... just the closing of one chapter - there is plenty more left to go in the book.

Besides, if this is my biggest problem right now, I'm one pretty lucky lady.

There is no point stressing about things that are outside my control.  It's just a test... perhaps to see if I'm walking the talk.  And I am.  I'm learning when to fight, and when to surrender.

I started this business from nothing.  It's now something... and it's a something that has been working really well.  It has steadily grown over the past 5 years and it will continue to do so for as long as I want it to.   I'm not afraid of a little hard work... hell, that's how I've gotten this far.

I was contacted by a massive news network today (an International one at that) who want to use my agency for their Australian voice over work.  I'm so excited!  What an honour!  I've worked with some big names here in Australia... but this is a breakthrough into the international market and a real coup for the talent involved.... not to mention it's TV (sign, perhaps?).

Now, it's certainly not going to make up the difference... at this stage.  

However, it does tell me that I'm not done just yet.  

After all, you can't keep a good woman down.   

Touché Universe, Touché

This morning I had a minor breakdown.  My major client (who I've been working with for 5 years) has pulled the pin on using voice overs with their work - instead reverting back to music.  Bam!  It hit my like a sack full of rock hard shit.  The doubt, the insecurity, the worry, the anxiety... all came flooding back.  I felt physically ill... sick to the stomach and was on the verge of tears.  

To give you an idea of the magnitude - this client is my one staple.  They account for more than half of my earnings.  This is a big deal!  

The Universe is clearly testing my resolve.... and for a good hour or so I stewed and stewed and stewed.  What did this mean?  Why now?  Was it me?  Something I've done?  Did I make this happen?  The whole 'be careful what you wish for' scenario ran through my mind.

I went for a run on the beach to clear my mind and get some clarity.  A question kept popping into my mind...

Did I ask for this?

My answer?  Well, yeah.  I think I did actually.  

Over the course of the past 5 years I've not had more than one day off work - for fear of losing this client or them passing the work onto someone else.  The deadlines were stringent and work came in on a daily basis - both a blessing and a curse.  

Whenever it was most inconvenient, I seemed to get mountains of work.  I worked the day of my best friends wedding - due to tech probs that arose because I was out of my studio and in the bush for a few days.  I worked every day of my holiday in Thailand - the only proper holiday I've taken in 5 years.  Hell, I even did some work in the spare room of my Nanna's house the day of her wake.  

This was clearly not their problem (this isn't a beat up the client post), this was my problem.  I just couldn't say no... I couldn't lay down the boundaries.  And sometimes that would eat me up inside.  At times I kind of felt like they were the mean boss I've experienced in the past - they were nothing of the sort... it was myself bullying myself not to let this client down due to absolute fear of losing them.

NOW... It's time to practice what I've been preaching these past couple of months.  

Perspective, happiness, gratefulness, surrender. 

There is a silver lining to this... I'm now free to concentrate on getting this TV script off the ground.  I feel like this client was the one thing kind of holding me back.  It was security... and something I couldn't bring myself to just give away - though the thought had crossed my mind on more than one occasion.  So, the Universe has taken the decision to let them go out of my hands.

I'm so grateful to have had this client.  They have given me the freedom to follow my dreams.  They have allowed me to get my business of the ground and have taught me so much about where I am and where I want to be - not to mention who I am and who I want to be. 

By closing this door it allows others to open.  When it comes down to it, my world doesn't end with just this one client - it not life threatening.  I'm still here... alive and kicking.  

It's sounds very cliché... but everything happens for a reason.  I'm more than sure of it!  I might not have a crystal clear representation of why just now... but it will present itself soon enough.  

What I've learned?  Resistance is futile.  I'm in the river floating towards where I'm supposed to be... to fight the current would be useless.  I've just got to conserve my energy and go with the flow.  I'll end up where I'm meant to be.  

So... Universe, you've tested my resolve.  

Touché Universe, Touché

I think I've passed the test. 

The art of being grateful...

I've had this off and on sore throat for about a week now... Last night I had a shitty sleep and the rest of the cold, that I'd managed to ward off up until this point, hit with full force.  Today, it's cold, wet and miserable. I feel lethargic, snotty and to add insult to injury, I'm also riding the crimson wave (mature, I know)!

I guess I'm kind of having one of 'those days'.  Finding it hard to drag my arse off the couch to do anything!  I'm wallowing in self pity... beating up on myself for wallowing in self pity... then I'm wallowing in self pity for beating up on myself for wallowing in self pity...  

It's the kind of day when nothing is really going majorly wrong, but nothing is really going right either.

I'm not moving forward... I feel stagnant and stale.  Uninspired.

Micko rang earlier and he's had a prick of a day (perhaps it's in the stars?).  The guy he works for called him 'a bloody idiot' this morning and he almost grabbed his shit and walked out.  I've told Micko a million times before that if he's not happy, he should just walk out - and I've totally meant it.  Doors always seem to open once you allow one to close behind you.  But, when he said he'd almost walked out I felt the anxiety hit.  And for absolutely no reason - we've proved to ourselves time and time again that things always work out.  

Yep... I'm having one of 'those days'.

I'm not a fan of 'those days'.  

Negativity breeds negativity.  Once you're in that mindset, it's hard to break out of it... So things keep happening that reinforce your current mindset. 

So, right now I'm going to take a moment.  And I'm going to attempt to turn it all around.  

After all, there is so much I've got to be grateful for!  

I'm waiting on the delivery guy to drop off a parcel that I've been waiting for.... a leather jacket - which is GORGEOUS!  And it's going to be here just in time for me to pack it in my suitcase for my trip to Hobart!  My own little adventure to see what the future holds in store.  How exciting! 

I've got the opportunity to try new things... to follow my dreams!  

Everyday is different... everyday brings a new lesson, a new outlook... everyday I grow and learn...

everyday I love myself, and those around me, even more.

I wake up each morning (that in itself is a blessing).  I have a roof over my head.  I have food in my belly and clean drinking water.  I am healthy (besides a little shitty head cold - which will disappear in a day or two).  I'm surrounded by people who love me... who want the best for me... who encourage me to be the best I can be.  

I can breathe.  I can think.  I can love.  

I am free.

And I am turning this day around. 

I'm not going to concern myself with what will be - it's largely out of my hands.  

I'm not going to focus on what I don't have, what's going wrong or what's missing from my day... 

Instead, from here on in, I'm going to focus on all that I do have. 

And be grateful for every last little thing (including this pretty shitty day, which has instead been a blessing and lead me to sit here and type this post). 

How lucky (well, happy) I truly am.

Let's turn that frown upside down.

Happy-nings

Remember my series of 'coincidences' that I was blogging about?  I was on a mission to find out what my purpose was... and I was opening myself up to the universe to show me the way?

Well, a lot has happened in this last month or so.

My brain became this crazy idea making machine...  It wouldn't stop.  Idea, after idea, after idea.  None of them felt quite right... and some where just utterly ridiculous. It felt like the answer I had been looking for was right on the tip of my tongue... frustrating close.

During this time a few coincidences led me to an Angel Reading / Healing session - including reiki (ah-maze-ing - very emotional and such a release), a Creative Thinking Masterclass and to a group meditation night...  All incredible experiences that I would have missed/not-had-the-guts-to-go previously.

You may recall I was to discover my 'purpose' on the 26th April - and that although the inkling of an idea was delivered I wasn't completely struck down.  Part of it wasn't sitting right.  Then, last week I had a 'late night epiphany' only to wake up in the morning wishing I'd written it all down.  The original idea changed and grew and finally last Wednesday night while in the middle of two minutes of uppercuts at a boxing sesh, it finally struck me.  The idea I've been waiting for came to me mid-punch.

Now, I'm going to one of those fucking irritating people who puts it out there only to leave you hanging.  However, I'm not going to be a total bitch.  I'll let you in on a little secret...

I'm going to write a TV show.  

Once I'd checked in with myself and knew that TV was what I wanted to do, I did a little research to see if there are any 'Intro to TV Writing' courses... and there is one.  In Hobart. Next weekend.  In the past I've looked into doing this course, but it's never on when I'm keen or it clashes with prior commitments. 

Not only that... but I put it out there to a friend who is on the same path of self discovery as I am and we are totally on the same page regarding this new venture.  Very exciting - I've always wanted to work with her and I'm so keen to get the ball rolling.  Feels 100% right!

So... I've booked my spot... and my flights (thanks to Micko for again being one helluva supportive husband - and not asking why, just saying 'go for it') and next Friday I'll embark on the next phase of my journey - with a suitcase full of winter woolies - soooo not used to the cold (10 degrees celcius is the max on the day I land... call me a whimp but that's fucking freezing in my part of the world).  I'm super excited!

A new journey... 

and I'm sooooo ready for it!

10 things I love about me!

10 things I love about me.

I was running along the beach this arvo... heavenly day here.  Sun was shining, breeze was cool, water was luke warm.  I love winter on the Mid North Coast.... when the idea for this post popped into my head.

10 things I love about me.

I totally encourage you to have a think about it too.  It's much, much easier to come up with 10 things you don't like so much about yourself, than it is to find 10 things you love.  It's also much easier to find 10 things you love about someone else.. but that's another story altogether.

The rules are simple.... 10 things you love and no beating yourself up or justifying what you've said - no if's or but's.  Accept that there is greatness in you... without reservation.

So... drumroll please (and a few drops of rescue remedy).

1.  Loyalty.  I am a very loyal person.  If I care about you, I will stand by and support you.

2.  My hands.  I have long slender fingers and fabulous nails.  Always have - I remember getting comments on them from Grade 3 onwards.  

3.  Dedication & commitment.  If I really want something I will give it my all.  Those who never quit, never fail.

4.  My own voice.  Most people say they hate the sound of their own voice.  I love it.  Hence why I make a living from it.

5.  Exercise.  I'm so proud of my commitment to exercise - it's been part of my life for the past 3-4 years and I've kept up with a minimum of 3 sessions a week for the entire time - even on holidays.  A major achievement for me.  I know how great it makes me feel and regardless of whether I think I want to or not, I get out there and do it.  Healthy body, healthy mind, healthy soul.

6.  Self belief.  However much I've beaten myself up about my looks or my personality in the past, I've never doubted my ability to achieve what I want.  If I put my mind to something... look out!  I'll make it happen.

7.  This whole journey I'm on.  Every day I'm becoming a better person.  I'm becoming more insightful and more confident in me - the physical, the mental and the spiritual. 

8.  Understanding.  I try to see things from others perspective before passing judgement.  Everyday I get better and better at understanding that people do what they do because of where they are and where they've been.  That is not a reflection on who I am.

9.  My ability to make people around me feel at ease.  I'm a great host!  I have a house full of love and I love more than anything to share that with people.  

10.  I wrote a 10 things I love about me post... and I didn't beat up, justify what I'd written or think about what others might think even once.  I wrote honestly, openly and from my heart.

Now.... it's your turn!  

If you do it... please leave a link in the comments - I'd love to see what you come up with!

Spread the self love!

Voice of Reason

Warning; this is going to quite likely be a rambling mess (for which I will not apologise -good girl Karls). My thought process is quite lengthy and very complex in these types of situations and I usually end up thinking way too much.   Thus confusing the heck out of myself - and now, probably you too.  

Also, this was a post I meant to publish last week but Blogger kept on fucking up.  It also didn't save a few of the changes I made - now I can't really be fucked going through and changing it, so I'm just going to hope it makes sense and hit publish. Doh!

Back to the story at hand...

Micko truly is the shit.  He knows just how hard I am working at bettering myself and he is being beyond supportive.  Sometimes the guy knows what to say exactly when I need to hear it.

Take just now for example...

It's a friends birthday and I got text today (well, it was sent last night... but I just discovered it now - totally my style... I'm famous for the delayed response) asking if we wanted to join them for dinner.

I'd have loved to join them... but a week or so ago I commited to going to an Angel Healing Guided Meditation.  And when I check in with myself, I really do want to go.  I think it will be good for me.

Usually I would have dumped the meditation and gone to the dinner - primarly due to a sense of obligation. 

The old me would have gone because I'd be really worried that the birthday girl would be offended if I didn't go.  That she would think I didn't like her... that she would worry that she had done something to offend me... that she would ponder why I thought the meditation was more important than her birthday dinner.... and that she would think I was selfish.

This is the thought process that happens when I feel like I'm letting someone down.  And it's a much longer process and much more painful to me that that paragraph portrays. I end up feeling super anxious, nervous and a wave of nausea usually sweeps over me.  I feel shaky and just horrible all over.  And I always end up doing whatever it is, even if it's not really what I want to do.  

However, when I'm on the recieving end  I don't feel any of these things.  I just accept that they have something else to do - there could be a gazillion reasons they aren't coming but none of them really concern me - I go ahead and enjoy my birthday dinner. 

How strange that I should assume that peoples concerns or reactions would differ so vastly from my own.  Why should what I do be governed by these imaginary concerns/opinions/reactions?  And why would I put others peoples concerns/opinions/reactions above my own?

(Hypothetical questions - amongst other reasons I measured my self worth on other peoples opinions of me - what a nasty trap that can be!)

The new me thinks there is a reason I was invited to this event at this time in my development and I really owe myself the opportunity to go.  That even though I really love this chickadee, we can catch up over a beer for her birthday another time... and no doubt, it will be sooner, rather than later.

Anyways... I rang Micko to explain that I really felt I needed to attend this meditation circle tonight... then I pretty much blabbered on incoherently about the reasons... to-ing and fro-ing... Did he want to go?  If he did, we could go... I mean, I think I want to go, but I don't have to.... to which he said?

"Karls... Stop. Do what you need to do. You'll only be letting down yourself if you don't."

A stark reminder - of which the timing was perfect.
Words from a wise man...
Sometimes he speaks my truth, when I don't have the courage to.
My voice of reason.

I'm slowly learning that I can be my own voice of reason...
Doing what is right for me will make me a better person... and therefore, a better friend.

Work in progress!



Happiness is in the eye of the beerholder - erhh... beholder.

***Presently, instead of telling you all that I saw a woman taking a squat on the beach yesterday while I was out running (and she wasn't a rough bogan, she was a lovely middle aged lady - which made me feel much better about my beach toilet antics) I feel like I should be sharing with you what is going on in my head... and in my heart.  It just seems like the right time.  You've probably noticed the blog had taken a bit of a 'self help' spin... something is urging me to be open and honest and blog about shit that really matters - to me. 
So... here is another 'wise old Karls' post.***

A theme, or question, keeps popping into my mind lately... 

If you aren't happy with where you are, will you ever be happy where you end up?

(Can also be translated as 'if you aren't happy with what you have got, will you ever be happy with what you get?')

Chances are you probably know someone, or perhaps you are that someone, who is always wanting more.  Never happy with what they/you have.  I know a few people like this.  Hell, I think at times I've even joined their ranks.  No matter what comes their way, they seem to have zero gratitude and immediately want something more.  Perhaps it's not the right colour, it wasn't delivered right, it's too big, too small... you get the idea.  They just seem to be very hard to satisfy.

Now, is that because they set their standards high and expect the best because they believe they deserve it?  

Or... is it because they don't feel 'good enough' themselves?  They don't live up to their own/others expectations of them... and therefore, since they can't satisfy themselves, they can't find satisfaction in the things around them?  You know... the world is your mirror and shit like that. 

Up until this point in time, I've spent a good portion of my life 'chasing the rainbow'.  Problem is... once you get to the end of the rainbow, there is no pot of gold.  In fact, you actually can't ever get to the end of rainbow - the bloody thing keeps moving! 

What if you didn't need to chase happiness around? 
What if instead you found that pot of gold... and discovered that all along it was inside of yourself? 
You are the gold.

That is where I am at right now.  I am the gold! 

Everything I ever wanted, I allow myself to have - from me.  I provide it.
 In turn, I love myself enough to allow it from others.  I allow the good shit to come my way.
Self sabotage is a bitch I'm all too familiar with - and she can go fuck herself.

I am soooo grateful.  Now, I truly appreciate all the good things in my life... right here, right now. 

If you think about all the good things in your life (and no matter who you are, or where you are in your life, there are plenty to be found) how can you possibly be unhappy with what you have?

Honestly... how nice would it feel to have all that you want, or need?

You know what?

You already do. 

Forgiveness

Most of us are our own worst critics.  I am absolutely no different.

Sunday morning I woke up, very hungover, and very, very down on myself.  Let's just say I got super shitfaced.  I mean, I don't think I did anything to offend anyone and I probably wasn't as big a dickhead as I made myself out to be... in my own mind... but I woke up and felt like all the hard work I'd put into me had been undone by one too many tequila shot (ewwww). 

 As if the lethargy, the headache and the spewing wasn't punishment enough, my mind became my worst enemy.  And man, was she one nasty bitch!  (Thankfully, I've got a fabulous husband who could tell where I was at emotionally and kept reminding me to stop beating up on myself.)  Regardless though, I wallowed in self pity much of Sunday... and I ate... and I ate... and I ate.  I hated that I was wasting a beautiful Sunday on the couch, shovelling KFC into my mouth while filling my mind with junk food of the TV viewing variety.  Nasty shit. 

Anyways... a few days on and I've managed to forgive myself and my inner drunken mutant.  But it has raised some rather pertinent questions surrounding forgiveness... kind of leading on from that whole 'past is passed' scenario.

I've had some, let's just say, 'pretty average' relationships in the past.  A couple in particular that really affected me.  You know, although I recently questioned whether I had actually forgiven them and moved on, I now realise that I have.  (It's a little harder to let go of their beliefs - but that's a work in progress).

Now I've realised the one person I never did forgive was... 

ME!  

In fact, I really despised me - the young girl who had so much going for her... yet just let people walk all over her.  I couldn't understand why she chose to hang around.  I couldn't fathom how she could put up with this shit.  I couldn't believe she thought she was worth what was being dished out.  I just flat out couldn't stand her.  

What I neglect to remember when I'm dishing out the hate to this fragile young adult, is that eventually she did take charge.  She realised she was worth more than that shit and she left.  She left... and she grew.  She swore to herself that she'd never let someone disrespect her again... 

and for the most part, she didn't.

That is... except for herself.  

Why is it not okay for someone else to make you feel worthless... but it totally okay for you to do so?

So, today, I forgive myself.  And today, I choose to start actually loving myself - for real.  Negative self talk... be gone - like those boys from your past.  

Today... I choose to be free of all the self doubt, the insecurities, the self hate.

I choose freedom, love and joy... and to allow all the wonderful things I deserve into my life...

I choose to love young Karls... I choose to love present Karls... and I choose to be thankful for all the experiences, good and bad, that have lead me here - to this place... 

This place where I can be me.  Be totally happy with that.  And be grateful for it all.

(Usually... this would sit in my drafts for fear that a few of you might think I've lost my marbles - I've gone all hippy and fluffy on y'all.  But, the new me doesn't really care... How you choose to see it will depend on where you are at, and where you have been... and if is well removed from where I'm at, so be it.  It's not a reflection on me anymore.  I'm happy, content and putting it all out there!  Not even one sarcastic self attack to end.  Oh I've come a long way!)

Late night epiphanies

Man blogger! You really know how to test someone's patience! Last couple of days have been experiencing what blogger are referring to as 'the spinning' issue. Editor doesn't load fully... just keeps showing it's 'thinking'. I've switched back to the old editor to try avoid the issue... so far, so good - although the layout and text might be a bit fucked.

At first I thought it must have been the universe's way of telling me that yesterdays entry didn't need to be said. Perhaps I should heed its advice. I have better things that need to be said anyway - yesterdays entry would have been a bit of a downer.

So, it's like 7am here and I'm up typing away. In fact, I think I've been awake most of the night. I didn't have any sugar close to bedtime. I hadn't had a coffee since 7.30am yesterday. Hell, I had even meditated a couple of hours prior to beddybyes. The brain just. would. not. switch. off. Most of the time it was just a whirl of nothing. Occasionally a friend would pop in and I had a couple of negative thoughts rear their ugly heads. But then... I had an idea! (imagine a lightbulb for effect)

You may remember I was waiting to be pummelled to the ground by divine inspiration on the 26th April. Now, that didn't quite eventuate... although I did have an inkling of an idea.

Last night, the original idea I had seemed to manifest itself into a monster of an idea. In the light of the morning, I'm not 100% sure of what all the excitement was about... but I'm going to investigate further. I really wish I'd pulled my lazy arse out of bed, grabbed a pen and paper and just started punching idea's out. I was trying to be unselfish - it is the big Micko's birthday today (happy birthday Tiger!) and I didn't want to be waking him up throughout the night. As it turns out he didn't sleep to well either.

Here is the weird thing. In the little sleep I did get last night, Micko woke up to a blue light coming in from the lounge room. He got up to investigate and discovered the TV was on and Austar was resetting itself... the alarm clock hadn't reset, so it wasn't a black out... and I specifically remember turning them off last night (I'd been watching Paris Hiltons BFF (Dubai) and remember switching it off in disgust (okay, disgust is a little harsh... it should probably be replaced by boredom).

My idea? Let's just say it had A LOT to do with TV. A sign that I'm on the right track perhaps?

Only time with tell.

Life's Lessons

Well, well, well... it's been a while between updates, hasn't it!

Man! I tell you... I feel like I'm at the airport, with my (slowly disintergrating) baggage, making my way very quickly accross the movable walkway of self discovery. Time is standing still and I am rapidly moving closer and closer to the plane I want to be on.

Is there fear that I'll leave some people behind?

Absolutely.

But there is also much excitment about the people I'll meet in the boarding lounge.

Fear and anticipation, excitement and nervousness... they have similar attributes, right? I can't speak for anyone else, yet I feel although on opposite sides of the feeling spectrum, they raise similar feelings...
butterflies, antsy-ness, a sudden need to take a dump. I'm sure you relate.

On this rapid take off to a better me I've discovered a few little lessons I thought I'd share..

* The past has passed for a reason. Acknowledge it, learn from it and then let it go. No good can come from hanging onto it for dear life. It, or they, may have served you then, but if it, or they, no longer do? It's time to let go. By hanging on, you are taking up the space required for better things to come your way. Your past may have defined who you are, but it is you who defines who you become.

Although I thought I'd left the passed in the past, I've realised I've been hanging onto it like that fucking hideous pair of size 10 jeans hanging up in my wardrobe hoping I'll one day fit into them. Bye bye now! They'll still be fucking ugly... even if I am a size 10.

* Only when you are ready do things eventuate... and not a minute before

* Meditation really is a great thing! There is a reason the most together and happy of people keep suggesting it... there is also probably a reason you've avoided it.  Think about it.  I know that, for me, I didn't like myself enough to be alone with myself.  The thought frightened the shit outta me (ahhh... now I understand that saying!)

* Find people who inspire you... not always people who you inspire. (I was actually just about to apologise for this one, but I'm not going to as sometimes those who inspire you are, in turn, those you inspire.)

* Take yourself out on a date. Do something that is not for anybody else but you... and do it once a week. It's amazing how difficult, but totally rewarding it can be).

* It's totally okay to be who you are... a friend had this as a facebook status; 'You are valuable just because you exist. Not because of what you do or have done, but simply because you ARE.' How nice would it feel to actually believe this?  Well, try it on for size. I'm totally going with it.

* Often people give praise and encouragement to those they think need it. Although, sometimes the ones you think don't need it, are the ones that could benefit from it the most.  Find someone you truly admire, but perhaps have been embarrassed to tell them so... bite the bullet.  Go on!  I dare you! 

* When shit is going down in your life, stop, take the time to connect to your surroundings... Listen, feel, smell, breathe... What sounds can you hear? What can you see around you? Notice the smells... Feel you bum on the seat... the cold on your hands... your feet on the floor... Take a breath and be thankful you are alive and breathing. The rest can be changed. Each breath we take is truly a blessing.

I could keep going on and on and on and on... but I won't.  I've taken a moment to be present.. and I've realised I can hardly feel my feet and hands from the cold... and toilet pit stop would be a blessing!

Have a great weekend! 

The Search...

I'm a MASSIVE planner.  I always had a 5 year guide laid out (mainly centered around my career) and besides a little detour (when I went back to work in photographic retail... cause it's so easy to work 50 hours a week and concentrate on building your own business at the same time... NOT) I've pretty much alway hit the mark.  

Was it because I put it out there so the universe could steer me in the right direction?  Was it because I'm like a dog with a fucking bone when I want something?  Was it the old 98% perspiration, 2% inspiration rule?  Was it visualisation?  I think it was a combination of all of these... and probably more.

I love what I do... For those not in the know, or are new to these parts, I'm a Voice Over artist.  I run a fabulous business, Killer Kopy, which started out as a little writing business, but turned into a voice over monster.  I have about 15 talent now on the books and the best editor in the world as my trusty sidekick. And business?  Well, it's fucking great!  

So... why the search?  I hear you ask.

If it ain't broken, right?

I guess I like testing myself... getting too comfortable makes me feel lazy and bored.  I get complacent and end up in a bit of rut.  I end up resenting the job, the person, myself.  I don't feel like I'm living life to the full... that I'm letting it pass by... and that I'm no longer growing.  I like personal growth.

  I like to be moving... but I'm slowly learning to appreciate being still (hence, allowing the universe to show me the way, not hunting down my future like a tiger does it's prey).

I'm always looking to be challenged... it makes life very interesting (and it's a big reason I managed to overcome the depression and crippling anxiety I suffered over the past 18 months or so).  And now that I'm through probably the toughest tunnel I've made way through to date, I'm out the other side... standing in the sun and ready to become the very best I can be... personally, mentally and spiritually.

I also feel like there is more I'm supposed to be doing... not too sure what exactly that is, but I'm certainly keen to find out.  I'm looking for new ways to grow and learn... 

For me, putting this challenge out to the universe... asking it to show me where I am supposed to be, and what I am supposed to be doing (and then acting on it) is a really daunting task.  I'm a control freak of the highest order!  So, letting go is a real challenge.

Although, something about this all feels right... my instincts are telling me I'm headed in the right direction.

At the end of the day, we can follow our head or our heart...

but when both are urging you on?

It has to be destiny.

P.S; I know this is quite a heavy read for a Friday morning.  I haven't lost my funny... it's sitting in about 3 other drafts I've started on this inspirational morn.  I'll have another coincidence for you come Monday... the outcome is going to reveal itself to me today.  In the meantime, I must go shave my arm pits before you all start to think I've turned into a crazy reclusive hippy.

All quiet on the coincidence front...

The last couple of days have been all quiet on the coincidence front... So, I thought I'd share with you something totally out of character that I did the other day.

I had, what I thought, was a point blank straight forward coincidence.  Gorgeous, sunny Mid North Coast day (love Autumn in this part of the world... sublime) and I'm walking Billy down the V-Wall (see pic below for it's indescribable charm)...

(Told you it was charming - was looking for a shot where you can see that all the rocks have been painted by people but seems I don't have one handy... boo to me!)

...all of a sudden, perhaps spawned on by a name painted on a rock, the name 'Eden' pops into my head - immediately followed by 'Eden Gaha'.

Now, for those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about... Cast your memory back (if you are of a similar vintage) to around 1992-1994 and a little show on the ABC called 'Vidiot' - a childrens trivia show (yeah... I was a slow developer... especially considering I was 15-17 years old).  Eden was the host... and a bit of spunk to boot.

The name, and the memory floats on and I continue along my walk and further on, with life as usual.

Until, that is, a day or so later.  I'm sitting in front of the box, eating my lunch, channel surfing when I stumble across the celebrity version of The Apprentice.  So I ate, and watched, and before too long the credits start to roll.  I'm about to grab the remote, turn off the TV and get back to work when whose name should pop up on the screen?  Executive Producer - Eden Gaha.

I just found this little snipet of an interview from a couple of years ago... enjoy!

Seeing this as a coincidence, I quickly ran downstairs and googled 'Eden Gaha', his IMDB page came up, which had a link to his facebook page. Having just written the I'm a dickhead post.. I thought I'd take a bit of my own advice and follow this up.

So, what did I do?

I facebook messaged him of course!  I gave him the run down... the whole 'you don't know me, but...' scenario.  Totally out of character!  I mean I'm a person who pushed my boundaries the other day by (instead of running to the supermarket to buy some Gravox) knocking on the next door neighbours to politely ask them if they could spare a tablespoon. So, this was no small feat.

The bad news is... I've not heard back from Eden and he is likely to put out a restraining order on me (as I also sent him a second message with a link to my blog to prove I'm not a stalker and I'm just a regular human -as most stalkers do).  Hey, the Universe gave me his name (twice) so I had to follow up.

The good news is... I don't feel like a dickhead (and perhaps the lesson to be learned). 

Breakthrough!

So, Eden, if you are reading this... thanks for stopping by.  And thanks for inadvertantly helping me overcome the dickhead syndrome.  If you can think of any other lessons, opportunities or reasons that the Universe might have sent me your way and vice versa, please do let me know.