Thursday, October 29, 2009

Jimmy speaks in the third person...

Was watching Seinfeld re-runs the other day... and it was the 'Jimmy' episode. 

If you need a re-cap - check it out... fucking hilarious!

Well anyway... It reminded me of a guy I used to date.  Now, I won't mention his name... but those who were close to me at the time will remember this guy.  For the stories sake, we'll call him 'Jimmy'.

Jimmy and I met at Oaks Day many moons ago (the Ladies Day of the Melbourne Spring Racing Carnival).  Oaks is a vertible smorgasboard of fine women... and the pickings aren't slim.  The odds would be 1:1 that if you own a penis, you will get some action (perhaps even if you lack the neccessary tackle you'll probably still get a pash).  Needless to say, 'Ladies Day', has grown into like 'Men Looking for a Root' Day.  As a single, fine piece of arse there was no better place to be!

I do have a few pics of that day... but I don't want to incriminate anyone... plus I don't really want you to see my fucken terrible outfit!  Like I said it was many moons ago... back when jeans and a tshirt were suitable attire for a social engagement - like a 21st, engagement and definitely a night club.

We all met at a mates place beforehand for a few quiet beers.  When Jimmy arrived, I was physically immediately attracted to him... He was a very good looking guy.  Arriving at the races, we all went our seperate ways, but I hoped we'd bump into each at some point.

Once the last race had run... we bumped into them and all headed to the pub.  I worked hard to keep his attention and it worked...we hooked up.

We ended up dating for around 18 months... but the more I actually got to know him, the more I realised he wasn't the guy for me.  Now don't get me wrong... he was one the kindest and most generous people I've met. Not to mention, he was damn hot!  Truly a lovely guy, inside and out, with a very sweet heart, but so not right for me.

How can that be?  Well, he kind of embarrassed me (and I'm ashamed to admit that).  He constantly talked about himself in true Jimmy style... "Jimmy wants seconds", "Jimmy was ripping"... you get the idea.  He was a surfer and I don't really like surfer speak.  I would cringe when he'd say things like "The surf was pumping... Epic man.. Jimmy thinks it was all time".  Although, he did look remarkably good all salty and sandy.

What else?  Well, he had the fuckest dance moves I've ever seen... They involved him pretending he was on a bodyboard, doing rolls and shit.  And while my mates would laugh at them, I'd feel the blood start running to my face and I'd have to hide.  He might of been super hot, but dance moves like that should be fucking outlawed!

Surely bad dancing doesn't constitute a break up if he treats you well and is fine?  Well, it kind of does in my books.  The vibe just wasn't there... I figured out it was all initial sexual attraction, followed up by not much else. 

Other defining points: 

1. He took more time to get ready than me - including apply foundation
2. He was a Two Can Sam - if he drank at all
3. We lived pretty much completely seperate lives - only seeing each other every other weekend
4. He booked a romantic Valentines dinner at an awesome restaurant... when I showed up, his Mum was sitting at the table with him. He'd invited her along and neglected to tell me.
5. He was a walk over and allowed me to treat him like shit - I'm even more embarrassed to admit that!
So I'm going to wrap this baby up....

After the 'its not you, it's me' talk, Karls put Jimmy on the ferry and Jimmy disappeared out of her life never to be seen or heard of again.  Karls just hopes he is as happy as she is... oh and that he's worked on some better moves!

1 comment:

bananas. said...

ooh the bad dancer...yea, notsogood.

and #4...he's fired. done.



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